I have read of others who started Plan B who packed the H's bags for him and set the bags and the letter out on the porch. Locks already changed at that point. Or the bags could be driven to some friend's home. Anything the WS still needs can be communicated through the IM.

i did the same - had locks changed, put bag & letter on porch. however. the most important thing was he was OUT. being able to go on the offense like that is so empowering, putting you in control from then on.

after however long of feeling you're out of control of your life, mama, this will be the first step in taking it back!

how's it going? one more day! you can do this!

have you spoken w/MIL? your IM is ready? plan B letter ready to go? i think you and i are on a 9 hour time difference, so you must be sound asleep at the mo. i will check back later.

My MIL knows, as well as both SIL and my BIL. They are all on my side and completely support me. Of course they don't want it to have to go as far as a separation, but they will support me no matter what I do. They know he is wrong.

I told him today that he cannot stay here during the 2 weeks he's supposedly waiting for his place to be ready. He said he knows as I again reminded him of the date I told him he had until. There has been no contact between them and now I'm not sure how to get him to write a NC letter as the message I sent as the people I exposed to seemed to have stopped it dead in its tracks. I'm not sure what the hell he is thinking. Sorry for tmi, but we have had SF for past 3 nights, after tonight I reminded him that it could only get better should he choose to let it. He just says I know and I love you more than anything, so I'm not sure what the hell is holding him back. I don't know if he's trying to be stubborn or what but I did say "you know I'm not your enemy" and again he agrees with me. This is just so new to me, first time we are intimate, speaking to each other and all but have this tension as well. I think he may be hoping it will kind of go away without having to talk about it. I guess we'll see soon enough. I don't think I have to go to the extent of changing the locks, I'll tell his mom that I asked him to move and I don't want to make a scene in front of our kids so she can back me up.

BM, change the locks anyway. Your WH will likely try to test your resolve by showing up and trying to walk in to his home. Cut off that avenue entirely. We've had numerous Plan B'ers have their efforts thwarted by this.

They probably didn't want it to go as far as infidelity, but it did. And I suspect they don't won't it to go as far as divorce, which is the next step unless you take this decisive action. Understand this: your wayward is going to test you to see if you mean what you say. Make sure your MIL and children understand to NOT open the door to him. They need to stay completely away from the door so they are not drawn into a conversation with their son/father.

good on you, mama! you're taking the right steps to support your M. i will be thinking of you tomorrow while i'm at work. keep strong. don't answer the door!

Good luck! Will check on you tomorrow. You can do this!

how's it going, mama? sending best wishes your way.

Hi Mama, How are you? How did it go with WH moving out? Our thoughts are with you.

hey, mama, how are you today? how did yesterday go? i hope you're ok. worried, but understand that you may just be busy with the kids with all the hubbub.

Thinking about you, BM. Update, please?

oh dear. i hope we haven't lost her.

mama, i hope everything's ok with you. check in when you can.

Hello all, I'm still here! Nothing happened so far, I did remind him that the kids have finished their exams. I went to visit a friend who just had triplets and on the way he called me. He said he didn't know why he chose that time but he can't seem to talk to me when I'm in the same room, I'm guessing it's guilt! Anyway, he asked if I really wanted him to leave, I said yes, I can't continue to allow him to lie and keep things from me. Again he insisted they are just good friends and reacted the way he did when I first confronted him because he says I 'attacked' him with questions. He says he really doesn't like me spying and listening to his conversations, I said too freakin bad. 30 minutes of the same crap over again and we didn't get anywhere. His bags will be packed tomorrow. I can't continue to live like this with this feeling I have in my chest, like there's stuff he wants to tell me but for some reason can't. It is a horrible feeling.

Yes, sounds like he is still cake-eating. Don't allow it anymore, mama. Pack the bags, leave them outside with the Plan B letter and get dark.

Good for you for not falling for his lines of crap.

~RQ

Rocketqueen, while looking at your siggy I noticed some similarities and just wanted to ask, how did you get the truth out of WS? Was kicking him out enough for him to just come out and say it? Did you have proof of PA or only EA? I see so many people write about their spouse having EA and was just wondering if these people just come out and admit PA or what.

I think my actual question is... If WS has been lying so far and then admits EA, at what point do you believe them that there hasn't been PA without proof? When WS says "ok, I'll come clean and tell you everything", other than a polygraph, how does one know? Does that sound like an idiotic question...if so I apologize. I'm just so confused right now. I don't know what the hell to believe and then if he does decide to tell me, I don't know if he will tell me everything or just enough... I don't know.

Mama, I had proof of a EA from November until January. It was after I kicked him out of the marital home that it became a PA. I don't really believe that but that is what he has confessed to me. At the time, he seemed to be remorseful about it and I gave him an opportunity to go NC but he wouldn't and the PA continued (and I know this through my snooping).

It wasn't until I was able to enact Plan B (even for just a short time) that brought my WH to his senses. It was when he realized what he had lost (not so much what he had put us through) that he decided to go NC with skank and commit to recovery.

I think in your case, you would need a polygraph. You need to know if there was a physical relationship for your health and for your sanity. It is not fair for him to keep you in the dark about that. For me, it doesn't matter (too much) WHEN the PA started, it's bad enough that there was one

Does that make sense?

Just an update...

I packed his bags and gave him letter. He said he doesn't want to leave and he'll do anything I want to save our marriage. We sent the NC letter, he said that his actions and his friendship with her was hurtful to me and that he was wrong. �He gave me passwords to everything. Agreed to no going out without me knowing exactly where he is and checking in. No more opposite sex friends. Will start marriage counseling. Does not want 'privacy' anymore. Told me that she really is just a friend and that he shouldn't have been having conversations with her, that he never had any romantic feelings towards her. I told him that if he is going outside of our marriage and having another woman meet any of his needs, it is cheating, whether there are romantic feelings involved or not. He agreed. He said he will be completely transparent and honest, he loves me, loves our family and doesn't want to destroy it.�

I am having a hard time though. How do you move on? How does one know if they are being truthful when I cannot have a polygraph done? How do I ensure we don't have a false recovery? If he agreed to everything, do I just go back to plan A and meeting his needs? I will snoop, probably forever. I hope that he is sincere, I just don't know how to move forward. Advice on the whole situation from you guys would be helpful. Thank you so much for everything!�

Have you read this to educate you on false recoveries.
False Recoveries
False recovery need voices of experience
Requirements for Recovery of an Affair

Can you do the online program or MB coaching instead of marriage counseling?

Great thank you, I'll read them now!

I think the online coaching may be possible but I don't know if mb coaching is as I am half way around the world...

hi mama! hmmm...

your WH is telling you everything you want to hear. do read the false recovery threads, because false recovery is a real danger, and even more hurtful (if you can imagine) than the original betrayal. it's the lying that is the worst thing, because you wonder if you can ever believe anything they say again.

however, if he is *acting* on your EPs, this is a start. between their actions and UA time, you really can start working towards recovery. but he needs to go whole hog if it's going to be real. you need to be very careful (verify, verify, verify!), and some coaching with SH/SJC would be very beneficial.

i too am halfway around the world. i have a calling plan that makes it cheaper to call the USA (where all my family lives). i emailed the coaching center, purchased a block of appointments (they are cheaper that way - and i rang with my credit card #). so we were able to do the coaching over the phone. SH is very good at dealing with WHs.

there is also the online programme, but since your WH hasn't had the full effect of PB, some one-on-one may be more appropriate at this time.

i would feel much better about this change of heart if OW had been exposed. but your the BW, and it's your needs that are important.

you will not feel confident right now. only through time, WHs actions, and UA will you become ok.

i hope your WHs actions show you that he loves you and is committed to your marriage. you will have to keep the bar VERY high. don't allow any behaviour that is reflective of the EA (but avoid LBs). get that UA time rolling!