I love this.

You know I believe this is unfortunately normal, when you love someone even without contact you can't just switch off. Its good to know the times become few and far between. Mine seem to be daily still even without thinking romantically about him, just missing him.

I know it was a rhetorical question ... I'm not answering it, just relating. Even with the knowledge of A and addiction I wondered how a WS could walk away from a long term marriage (in my case 20yrs) without any grief or withdrawal (suppressed emotions) but when the A ends they have obvious withdrawal which they don't suppress.

Oh wow Indie, you have yet again summed up so eloquently things I have been feeling / thinking. Thank you.

I switched channels the other night. There was a documentary on about Arabic countries. I started watching, enthralled. I used to love watching travel documentaries, with WH. We would reminisce or plan. I have avoided them since D Day. They just hurt. I thought maybe I was strong enough now. I saw abut 15 minutes, and then came on a section on a particular city we had been too. Just hearing the city name, an in-joke about our sex life, triggered me. I turned the TV off and went to bed to read but just couldn't focus. I didn't cry, but was upset.

Sometimes we can't stop the triggers. Sometimes we have no control over them. We can Plan B our WH's, but we can't Plan B life. And I don't want to. I don't want a wayward's self-deception, even if it means less pain. We allow ourselves to feel, to grieve. And learn.

An addict simply keeps running, chasing the next high. No accountability, no responsibility. No thanks.

But the rhetorical questions you ask... sometimes I ask them too. You reassure me this is normal.

X2.

I'm happy again. I bounced into work today and even found myself joking in a meeting with the boss I don't like.

Its funny but I had thought about a week ago I might be descending into a low point. I got very low energy and started eating junk food. But because my sleep patterns remain the same, I dismissed it. Now I'm a bit psyched. The first low point which didn't affect my sleep.

That has to be some sort of milestone. Maybe Ill never have disrupted sleep ever again!

I still feel a bit low in energy but otherwise happy. Its an odd thing this rollercoaster.

I want to figure out when my last low point was, so I'm going to reread my thread.I figure the next one will be further away.

Does anyone think there is a specific recovery period for a BS? Those in recovery take 2 years, so does the same length of time apply for a solo recovery? Could that be part of the reason a BS is told to Plan B for that period?

Indy, I don't know from personal experience, but I've observed that the BS who really does a good Plan B is pretty darn content by 2 years. So, yes, I'd say yes.

That's good news. I wish it was SOONER but maybe I don't understand the great scheme of things.

I would never have wanted to experience infidelity at all, yet it has benefitted me in ways I wouldnt undo. Maybe this is more of the same.

Just had a SEVERE Plan B break. I have Softlad blocked from my work email, because as a reporter it's on the newspaper's website and available for all the world to see. The blocking has worked really well until now, although I knew it wasn�t perfect. Apparently he copied me in when he was contacting my IM about the recent insurance stuff. I didn�t see it at all because he was blocked and I had no idea he was doing that. I only found out today at work when I did a search of all my folders to find a document. The search not only found Softlad's email but I could see the first half of his email in a viewing screen to one side. At first I thought it was an old one that hadn�t deleted properly, but then I saw the word 'insurance'. I'm not sure how a search can bring up a blocked item and I will need to get IT's help on that.

I deleted it without opening it, but I'm a pretty good scan reader so I got some of it first from the side view screen. It was awful. I felt violated that his thoughts and feelings made their way on to my desk (or whatever passes for a wayward's thoughts and feelings)

What I saw was him being incredibly polite and helpful - probably fake helpful - in the first par and his phrasing was such that seemed to be offering his help in 'working this out' to my IM. Though he never actually did. She told me he wouldn�t trust her with the name of the insurance company so he called me at work in an extremely thoughtless attempt to use the break in to manipulate me.

Still I was disappointed that he didn't sound like a totally rambling fogged out freak. Like he did just after exposure. Probably you would have to look closer than I did to see it. Though I don't think of him much, I have this image of him as a completely nutso wayward. It's because I dismiss him as 'another wayward' and whenever there's a particularly aggravating wayward on the boards, I assume he is the same. I know I am right as I've never seen one deviate from the pattern.

I feel all right though. One more reason to quit this job. I need to get to work on that.

Sorry, Hon I've never heard of a blocked email being able to get through like that! Do something nice for yourself today ...

Cake!

that was easy

Sorry to hear about the Plan B break. When it rains, it pours, huh?

Wanted to mention that I read a posting by DoNoMo a while back that once you are triggered by something that makes you sad, you have about 90 seconds to redirect your thoughts before the emotions/chemicals in the brain kick in.

I was actively practicing this for a while and then kinda forgot about it. But recently, was triggered all over again when STBX-BIL contacted me (I am in Plan B with all of my in-laws as they threw me under the bus when I exposed affair #3 last year) It was a setback..but I have begun to do this again. It really works!

Hugs and hang in there

That sounds amazing, Susie, thanks!

Enjoy the cake my friend.

cake makes everything better :O)

how awful, indie, to be shocked and surprised in that manner, when you're in a "safe" place. i'm sorry.

hang in there. nothing wrong with a second piece of cake (in my book, anyhow!)

I say just grab a fork and dig in. Who's' counting slices?

I like SusieQ's thought on having 90 seconds to redirect your thoughts. My in-laws all recently threw me under the bus too, SQ (well, most). Had to Plan B them as well. Sad.

Indie, you are awesome - an inspiration. Nice to know you're human. I think the universe is really urging you to look for another job - your deal, of course. But just a thought.

Hugs. And sooo glad you chose cake over blood pudding. See how rational you are even in the face of grave emotional distress?

Hahahahaha! Actually there's a farm on my newspatch who make the most amazing ice cream and they introced a new flavour recently - black pudding flavour! I instantly thought I should share the news here and gross everybody out.

That's a bit too weird, even for me.

I decided to go for a nice custard slice instead. I don't think you have these over the pond. The bakers make two sheets of pastry, to go above and below a thick wedge of custard.and the top layer gets a sticky cover of icing. Then they slice it up so each slice resembles an ice cream sandwich but with pastry layers as wafers and the custard as the ice cream.

Yum!

I have no idea how many calories but I should probably get moving in the garden if this rain EVER let's up!

Were now into typical English summer - fine misty rain for the last ten days and moving into heavy, come at you sideways type rain.



I can indeed confirm that I am human! This made me giggle so much.

In fact I need to put aside my human dread of paper work or 'grown up homework' today. I need to get financial stuff for the divorce sorted and I need to look for that elusive job! I may go so far as to apply for some even though the form filling required nowadays kinda makes you go 'Do I really need another job?!'

Then I have to get cracking with maths revision for my exam on Wednesday. This will be a real demon slaying moment (I hope). I was terrible at maths in school and left without the relevant qualification. While 16 year olds up and down the country will be sitting the exam, so will I - for the second time. I'm going to give it my best, anyway.

I can't maths, either, but I aced algebra in my 40's due to great teachers and perserverence.

You can do this, and excell, and then forget it all again.

That's my plan! However I did tell someone recently they had to balance work and home and found myself saying "its like both sides of an equation" that stopped me cold! WHERE did that come from!

I know I expect Gollum to actually have started to look like the creature Smeagal became, and even to babble on about his "precious" as part of the fog-speak.

But actually, I think many waywards become pretty good at masking their waywardness, just as many alcoholics hide their addiction. If a wayward seethes and rants, everyone will steer clear. So a wayward, who, after all, wants as many needs met as possible, plays nice to undermine the betrayed and deceive themselves that they really are a nice person after all. If only that damned BS would play ball and be amicable, "civilised" as Gollum put it during Plan A, then we could all sit down and have cucumber sandwiches for high tea.

Aren't we lucky that Plan B means we don't have to listen to the nutso anymore. Unfortunately I can't escape waywards in my everyday life, but if I spend more than five minutes with them, the justification and nutso soon becomes apparent.

I just can't believe we didn't notice them all IRL before Plan B.

Eeew, gross!

I tried olive oil ice cream a few weeks ago. I thought it sounded unusual, and it was de-lic-ious!

The choc and hazelnut parfait with mint and citrus salad that accompanied it may have helped as well...