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Conflict avoidance disallows intimacy. Conflict avoidance disallows POJA negotiations and mutually happy resolutions to marital problems. Conflict avoidance is dishonest. Conflict avoidance creates resentments. Conflict avoidance shows no integrity. Conflict avoidance shows no courage. Conflict avoidance is not caring, but pretends to be. Conflict avoidance creates vulnerability to affairs. Conflict avoidance nurtures self-victimhood and martyrization. If you dare to write: "I did everything for my spouse for years and years" ..... then hear this .... YOUR CONFLICT AVOIDANCE CREATED THIS HOT STEAMING TURD OF AGONY. Want relief? Relief #1 Relief #2 Relief #3 Relief #4
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Conflict avoidance drains your own love bank.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Conflict avoidance is how the Giver creates an unhappy & incompatible marriage environment. Link to Giver/TakerIt should be no surprise to you that it isn't the Giver that ruins marriages -- it's the Taker. But the Giver plays a very important role in creating the problem. It's the effort of the Giver to give our spouses anything they want that sets up the Taker for it's destructive acts. After you have been giving, giving, giving to your spouse, and receiving little in return (because you haven't bargained for much), your Taker rises up to straighten out the situation. It sees the unfairness of it all, and steps in to balance the books. But instead of coming to a more balanced arrangement, where you get something for what you give, the Taker just moves the Giver out of the picture altogether. It says, "I've been giving enough, now it's your turn to give."
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I *like* YOU ! 
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back atcha!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Conflict avoidance encourages your spouse to become/remain lazy in the marriage.
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Conflict avoidance is not noble. Conflict avoidance is cowardice.
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Conflict avoidance does not make room for your spouse to grow and improve his/her efforts to please you.
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Conflict avoidance is a pessimistic attitude regarding your spouse.
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Conflict avoidance encourages intolerable situations in the marriage.
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 Ask me how I really feel.
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Conflict avoidance puts duct tape over your own love bank and your spouse need not make love unit deposits .... because YOU have been dishonest about your marital needs.
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Conflict avoidance shoots buckshot through your own love bank .... because you have been dishonest about your marital complaints.
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Guilty as charged. My name is Holyheart and I am a Giver.
Never again will I put myself in that situation. Lesson learned!
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This makes perfect sense. I have seen what conflict avoidance has done to both my parents, in laws, and what it tried to do in my marriage. CA, kills all that is good in marriage. It suck the life out of it.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Long term conflict avoiders eventually feel they have reached 'the last straw', and love-bust their spouse BUT GOOD.
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Conflict avoidance creates an environment where some of your ENs might more easily be met by someone other than your spouse.
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Conflict avoidance creates the tendency for complaining (DJs) about their spouse to others outside the marriage.
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Conflict avoidance = pretending things are OK when they are NOT OK.
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