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Viper #2634180 06/09/12 01:45 PM
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Are you getting your boys today?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2634226 06/09/12 07:02 PM
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Are you getting your boys today? toe tap toe tap toe tap


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Logans_Run #2634245 06/09/12 09:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Logans_Run
Are you getting your boys today? toe tap toe tap toe tap

Ditto again.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2634648 06/11/12 09:59 AM
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Update?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2634652 06/11/12 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Update?

BH

You forgot to add the toe tap toe tap toe tap

And yes we see that you are on t2c smile


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Logans_Run #2634875 06/12/12 12:46 AM
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Was spending time with my kids before giving them back to the ww. Unfortunately for right now until one of us files we both have legal rights to the boys and until I can find another job with better hours she has the advantage since she is a teacher and is out for the summer. Now don't get me wrong I will fight with every inch of my life when the custody battle begins.

I do feel a little better knowing I'm in my house and in control of my life a little more than I was a week ago.

Now just need to figure out next step.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2634877 06/12/12 12:55 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
Was spending time with my kids before giving them back to the ww. Unfortunately for right now until one of us files we both have legal rights to the boys and until I can find another job with better hours she has the advantage since she is a teacher and is out for the summer. Now don't get me wrong I will fight with every inch of my life when the custody battle begins.

I do feel a little better knowing I'm in my house and in control of my life a little more than I was a week ago.

Now just need to figure out next step.

Welcome back to the night shift t2c. Good job on spending the time with the boys.

Ok. So do you think she is still in contact with OM? What has she said about your M?

You're doing a stellar plan A?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2634931 06/12/12 09:21 AM
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Hard to Plan A when she is not here. I was nice to her when we had our talk on Friday. I complimented her on a good job of setting up the pool we had bought for the kids before all this happen. I also didn't raise my voice when we talked. I was calm and explained to her that I was moving back in because the boys needed me back home. This is where her foggyness showed through.

Apparently she has potty trained my 3 year old and she told me if I moved back home my 3 year old would relapse and not be potty trained any more.

During the conversation she asked would I wait until July to move back home since she had her nephew down for a month. I politely asked her what has she given me over the past two months. I asked her what have I wanted. She said reconciliation but that is not going to happen. She then asked me would I give her until July, and I calmly said no and then told her the discussion was over because I wasn't going to argue.

Did I do the right thing, I think it was Tigerwes that said I did a good job. Any other opinions is more than welcomed.

Any ideas on how to plan a better when she has moved out.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2634938 06/12/12 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
Hard to Plan A when she is not here. I was nice to her when we had our talk on Friday. I complimented her on a good job of setting up the pool we had bought for the kids before all this happen. I also didn't raise my voice when we talked. I was calm and explained to her that I was moving back in because the boys needed me back home. This is where her foggyness showed through.

Apparently she has potty trained my 3 year old and she told me if I moved back home my 3 year old would relapse and not be potty trained any more.

During the conversation she asked would I wait until July to move back home since she had her nephew down for a month. I politely asked her what has she given me over the past two months. I asked her what have I wanted. She said reconciliation but that is not going to happen. She then asked me would I give her until July, and I calmly said no and then told her the discussion was over because I wasn't going to argue.

Did I do the right thing, I think it was Tigerwes that said I did a good job. Any other opinions is more than welcomed.

Any ideas on how to plan a better when she has moved out.


Please listen to these excellent radio clips of a BH and WW living apart and what Dr. Harely advises him to do.

Radio Clip on a BH Plan Aing his WW from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2635144 06/12/12 11:05 PM
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Excellent clips BH.

So I need to fill the EN's that I can fill from a distance. Also I should go ahead and.expose to the rest of the people I thought about exposing to. I plan on doing all the friends she has at church but should I expose to the friends that she teaches with or do I hold off since this affair didn't start at work.

Also should I apologize for not doing my part in the marriage like Dr. Harley says in the clip.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2635160 06/13/12 12:11 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
Excellent clips BH.

So I need to fill the EN's that I can fill from a distance. Also I should go ahead and.expose to the rest of the people I thought about exposing to. I plan on doing all the friends she has at church but should I expose to the friends that she teaches with or do I hold off since this affair didn't start at work.

Also should I apologize for not doing my part in the marriage like Dr. Harley says in the clip.

We can always apologize for not doing our parts in our Marriages. The best apology is actions. Show her you're sorry for your part in the Marriage.

I would not expose at her work if they don't work together.

I'm concerned about the trickle exposure effect.

Read this and see if it answers your questions. Also, remind me whom you did expose to?
Exposure 101

You're back at home and should be doing your best Plan A. What was she getting from OM that she wasn't getting from you?

This is what you need to concentrate on. Carrot and Stick of Plan A


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2635187 06/13/12 06:34 AM
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I exposed to just her family and they all took her side like she was doing nothing wrong. I am hoping that if I expose to the friends at church they will have a greater effect since her parents go to the same church.

The only EN I know he meet that was high on her list was communication since they texted each other back and forth for hours each day. I know SF wasn't an EN high on her list.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2635189 06/13/12 06:35 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
I exposed to just her family and they all took her side like she was doing nothing wrong. I am hoping that if I expose to the friends at church they will have a greater effect since her parents go to the same church.

The only EN I know he meet that was high on her list was communication since they texted each other back and forth for hours each day. I know SF wasn't an EN high on her list.

Did you expose to your family?

What are you doing to meet her EN for conversation?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2635191 06/13/12 06:51 AM
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Yes, I exposed to my family. They are on my side except with the fact of trying to save the marriage. Nobody on my side believes the marriage can be saved except everybody on this board.

Really don't know how to start a conversation right at this moment. Any ideas?


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2635217 06/13/12 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
Yes, I exposed to my family. They are on my side except with the fact of trying to save the marriage. Nobody on my side believes the marriage can be saved except everybody on this board.

Really don't know how to start a conversation right at this moment. Any ideas?

What is she interested in?

Have you seen these?
How To Make Your Wife Happy
Conversation Is Boring


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2635228 06/13/12 09:05 AM
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She likes the beach, camping, she didn't use to like watching movies until we separated. She also likes to read.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2635237 06/13/12 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
She likes the beach, camping, she didn't use to like watching movies until we separated. She also likes to read.

Ok good, that's a start. So any of those, that you're interested in also?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2635241 06/13/12 09:39 AM
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I like all of them except the reading. Although now with everything that has happen and all the reading I have done it has begun to grow on me.

She has hid her Facebook page now.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
totally2confused #2635249 06/13/12 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by totally2confused
I like all of them except the reading. Although now with everything that has happen and all the reading I have done it has begun to grow on me.

She has hid her Facebook page now.

So do you know if she's still in contact with OM?

Can your cousin still see her page?

Ok so you need to talk to her about these things. Can you make a trip together to go camping? Just the two of you? You need to be doing a stellar Plan A.

What can you think of?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2635255 06/13/12 09:59 AM
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He sent her a text yesterday at 2 pm but she didn't respond unless they started talking over Facebook.

No my cousin can't because she befriended my whole family and the people I work with that she was friends with on Facebook.

I could try, don't know if she would go for it at this point.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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