Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2635598 06/14/12 12:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
Ok, maybe some have seen my posts in marriage builders 101 or maybe not. But me and my husband don't get along at all. We are in constant silent treatment because if we get in a fight he says so many bad things to me that I hurt so bad I just shut off. We have a lot of bad history too other than that with him lying, hiding stuff and denying things. And all of our fights stem from miscommunication. I say what's bothering me and he immediately jumps to defense mode. We have been together almost nine years but married for two. We have two boys together. But this is the second silent treatment we've been through in 3 weeks. I sent him an email so I can tell him how I feel because since we fight so much I can never say all I want to say so I did. He didn't respond to me and I told him he had plenty of time to respond and I'm tired of this I want out. I really want to leave him but I'm so shaky and nervous feeling right now and I don't know why. I saw a clairvoyant yesterday and she described him to me. As a dark entity and she said she sees a lot of hidden agendas, among other things. And that's exactly him. He's such a different person and when I'm around him I always feel a bad feeling and I always feel like he's up to something. But now that I told him I want out I don't know where to go from here.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
Ok, maybe some have seen my posts in marriage builders 101 or maybe not. But me and my husband don't get along at all. We are in constant silent treatment because if we get in a fight he says so many bad things to me that I hurt so bad I just shut off. We have a lot of bad history too other than that with him lying, hiding stuff and denying things. And all of our fights stem from miscommunication. I say what's bothering me and he immediately jumps to defense mode. We have been together almost nine years but married for two. We have two boys together. But this is the second silent treatment we've been through in 3 weeks. I sent him an email so I can tell him how I feel because since we fight so much I can never say all I want to say so I did. He didn't respond to me and I told him he had plenty of time to respond and I'm tired of this I want out. I really want to leave him but I'm so shaky and nervous feeling right now and I don't know why. I saw a clairvoyant yesterday and she described him to me. As a dark entity and she said she sees a lot of hidden agendas, among other things. And that's exactly him. He's such a different person and when I'm around him I always feel a bad feeling and I always feel like he's up to something. But now that I told him I want out I don't know where to go from here.


I went back and read your earlier threads.

Have you seen a lawyer yet?

Also please start preparing. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
I saw a clairvoyant yesterday and she described him to me. As a dark entity and she said she sees a lot of hidden agendas, among other things. And that's exactly him.

You could say that to anyone in a bad marriage, and they would think you are correct.

Wish I could convince you you saw a fraud.

She didn't offer any actual helpful suggestions, did she?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
Well she knows some people who are going to assist me with getting everything done. It's just waiting for the call that has me on edge. I haven't seeked a lawyer yet. I can't really afford one and by past experience I don't want a cheap one or they don't do their job efficiently. I don't take everything she said to heart bug it's funny how the things she said sounded just like my husband. I didn't see her for my relationship problems it was just something she picked up on. So right now I'm waiting to see what this other lady has to say and Monday I plan to go to court and speak to a facilitator and see what they have to say. I just feel bad because I'm in a way scared of my husband. Not that he'll hit me or anything. I'm so scared of what he's going to put me through. I've been through so much mental abuse that I just can't take anymore. Our last conversation he just ran me down and told me he was trying to tell me to f* off. And the funny thing was we were fighting over him actually caring about me. He was saying all that crap trying to prove he really loves me. Who talks to someone like that if they really love and care for someone.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Are you documenting everything? Start NOW.

You saw the document thread I posted, correct?

You need to get a lawyer NOW.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
Well she knows some people who are going to assist me with getting everything done. It's just waiting for the call that has me on edge. I haven't seeked a lawyer yet.
The clairvoyant knows people who are going to assist you with getting what done?



BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
She use to live here in town so she's going to talk to them they are all legal professionals that can assist with the divorce process. To make sure I don't end up with nothing and nowhere to go.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
She use to live here in town so she's going to talk to them they are all legal professionals that can assist with the divorce process. To make sure I don't end up with nothing and nowhere to go.

When is your appointment with a lawyer?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
I haven't contacted a lawyer yet. Are they really that necessary? My cousin told me about the paralegal she used and was really good. I'm wondering, I just need advice here. But should I move before I start the process? He's not going to leave. My gut feeling says I need to get out of here. He comes home from work on wednesday and I'm not sure if he'll be off one week or two. I have enough to move right now I'm just worried that things won't work out for now and what if I don't have the money for next months rent. So should I move and then file or should I stay here and deal with what he's going to put me through and file.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
I haven't contacted a lawyer yet. Are they really that necessary? My cousin told me about the paralegal she used and was really good. I'm wondering, I just need advice here. But should I move before I start the process? He's not going to leave. My gut feeling says I need to get out of here. He comes home from work on wednesday and I'm not sure if he'll be off one week or two. I have enough to move right now I'm just worried that things won't work out for now and what if I don't have the money for next months rent. So should I move and then file or should I stay here and deal with what he's going to put me through and file.
Do you have children?

I would move out and file.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
We have 2 children. I'm going to drive around and look for rentals. I don't know what else to do. And just hope he doesn't cut me off financially.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
We have 2 children. I'm going to drive around and look for rentals. I don't know what else to do. And just hope he doesn't cut me off financially.

That is the exact reason I'm telling you to get a lawyer. A lawyer will help protect your finances. Can you move in with some family?

Are you documenting evverything?.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
I write down what I can. But we don't talk, we are always in silent treatment. Are lawyers expensive? My grandma paid for mine years ago because I thought my ex was going to take my son away and I believe it was a $2000 dollar fee plus $250 an hour.
I have no family or friends to run to. That's why I need to take what I have and find a cheap place or stay here with him. I don't even know if I can get a place because I don't work and have validation of income.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Did you see this on your other thread?

Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Have you checked to see if there is inexpensive legal aid in your area? Can you talk to Children's Services and try to determine what options you have?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Aso this is from a lawyer whom is also a board member.
Originally Posted by Brits_Brat
When I was in law school, it had legal clinics staffed by law students who were under the supervision and guidance of a practicing lawyer/staff member. The clinic offered free legal services to those who could afford it. This gave me the idea to do a Yahoo search for law schools in NJ. Seton Hall's law school has a Family Law Clinic!!! Here is the description of what they offer:

The Family Law Clinic provides free legal services to individuals needing representation in a wide variety of family law matters. The caseload may include both contested and uncontested divorces; establishment, modification and enforcement of child and spousal support; custody and visitation cases; international child abduction cases; adoptions; and litigation on behalf of victims of domestic violence. Students may also serve as court-appointed law guardians for children in termination of parental rights cases and custody and visitation cases.

The work includes interviewing, investigation, legal research, motion practice, discovery, negotiation, preparation of lay and expert witnesses, contested and uncontested trials and hearings, oral argument of motions, and the preparation of trial and appellate briefs. Students work under the supervision of the clinical professors, but assume primary responsibility for their assigned cases, including court appearances.

The Rutgers Cambden Campus also has a Child and Family Law Clinic.

To contact either school's clinic, I would just call the law school's main number and asked to be transfered to the Family Law Clinic.

Also, lawyers are encouraged to do pro bono (gratis) work for those who can't afford legal services and some states even require that lawyers have a certain number of pro bono hours a year. Here is a link to various pro bono organizations in NJ. http://www.legalhandle.com/pro-bono-attorneys-New-Jersey.html
[/quote]


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
Thanks for the info. I'll look into it more.


J.R.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479
Likes: 6
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
Thanks for the info. I'll look into it more.

Ok let us know how it goes. Can you move in with some family?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 48
I will. And no I have no family or friends who can help me or give me a place to stay.


J.R.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by sadlyundermind
I will. And no I have no family or friends who can help me or give me a place to stay.
Sadly, please stay on one thread. Starting new threads is confusing to posters who are trying to help you.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 511 guests, and 66 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
IO Games, IronMaverick, Gregory Robinson, Limkao, Emily01
72,037 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,038
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0