Oh, and I still haven't got an answer on the grueling job interview I did a few weeks ago. But they have contacted my references

And I saw a job that interests me in the paper yesterday. I need to get off MB this weekend for a bit and get my head down to apply.

I should be doing the very same right now. Ill yell at you tomorrow if you haven't done it and you yell at me if I haven't applied for things. Deal?

Deal Indie.

But you have a 9? hour advance on me. So I get until Monday. And its a day off here, hehehe!

Way to go, Cara! Can't wait for you to get started on your home:)

Journalling for myself and other Plan B'ers.

Round 2 ding ding of solicitors papers just went off to Gollum. I known he ain't gonna like it. Part of me takes satisfaction in that, part of me still wants to educate a wayward (bonkers, I know) and part of me just wants to run from him and never have any more contact. Pretty mixed up. I'm glad that another strong part of me is taking pride in standing up for myself and my rights. Regardless of the outcome, win or lose, I fought for what is right and fair. For ME.

Oddly enough, my in-laws have been in touch through email quite a bit recently. I am being very guarded on what I reveal about myself. Especially about finances and the property. If Gollum really has fallen on hard times, I am worried he will pursue my finances. He has asked for proof of what I earn, since he is now unemployed. Apparently. I don't believe anything anymore. I doubt the in-laws are passing anything on, but I don't want to put them in the middle if he asks. Better they don't know.

Now, about me. I still haven't heard about the job outcome. Fingers still crossed, they have contacted my UK references so it looks promising.

I had a fantastic day today, challenging but an adrenalin rush. I went on a defensive driving course though work, which involved braking from over 100km on gravel roads. I am nervous in cars, having lost many loved ones tragically on Aussie roads. I also used to trust H implicitly with driving after these deaths, and sort of became dependant on him about driving as he was much more experienced. Even going through Africa, I felt anxious whenever I drove on sand or gravel. I am NOT a confident driver.

I also had the absolute THRILL of getting on a wet skid pan and speeding to see how to break sharply. Absolutely TERRIFIED is an understatement. The car spun out at one point, and I still mananged to bring the car back in without hitting the posts. My trainer was very encouraging, said I was a bit of a natural.

One of my colleagues is now trying to organise a stunt driving day. It is expensive, but I really think with how empowered it made me feel... it would be worth it. Just gotta balance out the bank balance...

I know the you are on with the papers.

Good job, my friend. Car(Caracal) driving a car!! Car driving a car!!

Look how far you've come. Going from being terrified to drive, to driving under some serious conditions. Celebrate in the steps you have taken and accomplished.

Thanks BH. It really does feel like an accomplishment for me. H always took this role.

Now I know I can do it (or capable of learning to do it anyways). Just don't ask me to parralel park. Gotta work on that one

First,

Good on ya, Car. It's so empowering to do things that you didn't before, and to learn to rely on yourself. It makes you a lot more confident.

And who needs to parallel park anyways? I just drive around the block, until I can find a spot that I can drive into. Of course, I live in a smallish city, so not a lot of problems with parking.

Lucky I am also in a small town. Sadly, with the company cars, our parking spots are TINY. I almost swaggered in to my boss today when I reverse parked it in the most difficult spot, with another car adjacent and a tradie waiting in his van for me to get out of the way! Okay, it took me two goes, but I got it in!!!

Look boss, no dents!

Again, journalling for me, hoping to make some sense out of my thoughts. This is not Plan B, but Plan P? I am processing. I have some decisions to make. I feel this is a healthy step in my recovery, but am open to criticism.

It is now four weeks since Gollum could have filed. I expected them to arrive days after the 12-month mark. So far, I have not received any papers. So far... they could be en route.

But they may not be. How long do I wait?

And that is how I feel. That I am waiting. Tied to a farce of a marriage, tied to Gollum. Although I am getting my life on track and making great steps to a life I can see will be fantastic (I am on my way!), my dreams for the future include a partnership and children. Gollum is now hindering my progress.

When I first found MB, I planned to stand for my marriage. I believe I have. I have done what is best by the H I had, by our marriage, and by ME. I was not ready to have another relationship and would not have liked myself very much if I had.

Now it is 13 months since separation.

And what am I standing for? A shell of a "man" who has gotten a 21-year-old pregnant, with no thought for anyone, including an innocent child. I don't know that person, and I don't want to. With the obstacles now in his way, marital recovery is pretty much impossible. The only reason I have any doubt is because I have read what I would have thought impossible on MB.

But due to MB, I see that even IF H broke through Gollum's fog, marital recovery is not in my best interests. I have read here, that to recover a marriage, it is best to wait five years before bringing a child into the relationship. I agree with this. FIVE YEARS of hard work IF marital recovery comes my way. I feel I am waiting on a pipe dream.

So where does that leave me? Gollum is so selfish, he may not file for D. He may be waiting for me to, to alleviate his guilt, blameshift some more, or just because he no longer has any morals and is more than happy to have a child with OW whilst still married. Or because he wants me to pay for it... Who really knows.

I accept that all Gollum thinks about is himself. He will file when it suits him. Meanwhile, I am not free to meet others because I am still married.

I feel like we are in a standoff. Gollum vs Caracal. Waiting for the other to make the first move. And me, clinging to a mockery of a marriage, because I want him to take responsibility for the last nail in its coffin.

Have you set a date for you? You don't have to tell us, but for you to end it?

I'm not saying you have to have a date. I'm just asking.

Is there ANY benefit for him not to file?

Thank you for this question BH, as I needed it.
It absolutely gobsmacked me. I haven't set a date. I haven't even really thought about it

As for Gollum... The only reason I can think of him not to file is financial. He is crying poor. I doubt the truth of this but who knows. Maybe he also wants me to accept responsibility as in legal documents he is blaming me on the demise of the marriage.

But friends have suggested, it may just be that I was always better with finances and paperwork, and he expects me to take care of it.

I tend to think it is just that he no longer has any morals, and being married whilst having a pregnant skank doesn't worry him.

Bingo. Sorry mate.

In the same boat. Having to drag him through a divorce. A divorce I never wanted but now need for survival. It sucks

hi cara. so proud to hear about the driving! how cool was the course you did? must have been very scary, but exhilarating! really giving you a boost in the control department. really, it's a metaphor - you have the ability and control to make the things you want happen!

re gollum...i don't really know what to say there. you're going to have to think about whether you want to do the filing so you can move on. this is a huge decision; it will take you lots of time and thought to make it. and maybe in that time he will do it. maybe he doesn't care about having a pregnant skank AND a wife, but horseho might push the issue. i would imagine people are going to be asking them when they are getting married (seeing she's about to drop any day), and she will be in the very uncomfortable position of having to say gollum is already married to someone else (someone who is WAAAAY better than her!) and done nothing to be able to be free to marry her. that really illustrates the truth of her position, doesn't it? after all, if it were "true lurvvvve," he'd have been down at the courthouse on the first day!

"i don't know what to say," then i wrote a novella. sorry!

so...what colour benchtops did you decide on?

Indie, thanks for reinforcing my view of Gollum.

Letty, you have raised an interesting point for me... I don't want to take responsibility for the ultimate death knell of the marriage. But I also think there is an aspect of revenge on Horse Ho AND Gollum. Let others question and pressure. Let HH and Gollum lovebust. Let them doubt each other. Let HER pay for the divorce, if he can't.

I'd rather buy a nice light fitting

I am trying to work out a date in my head now thanks to BH. I need to put a timeline on this. As much as I don't really want to, I think it is the next step. Hopefully Gollum will act before I have to.

Its weird. I dread the divorce, but know it is best for me.

And no benchtop colour just yet, lol! BUT... I sign my building contracts this week, and have a colour / gallery appointment early next month. Yee Hah!

yep, that's what i wondered. and that's ok, while you're not ready quite yet to move on. the LBs will be happening, for sure.

whoo-ha, a colour appt! pix!!!! i spent some time looking at wallpaper and curtain fabric yesterday. i don't know how you'll ever be able to decide! the choices seemed endless!

You don't have to do anything. You can stay in Plan B and heal as long as you need to.

If you think you're better off to wait for Gollum to file, then do it.

I just don't want you to stay "stuck" if you are. You have definitely grown in this whole process and only YOU know what's best for Car.

THANK YOU ALL. For your patience with me, and your support.

Still no decision about my timeline. I am not going to pressure myself on this. I am making progress, and that is what matters.

I signed my building contracts last week!

I have now paid my land deposit... things are moving. I managed to squeeze in stone top benches for the bathrooms as well, all within the budget. Oh, and a fan in the alfresco room, my own private bliss for aussie summers and bbq heaven.

And I made the order of merit for the job I interviewed for! I am now just waiting for a job to actually come up. My boss has told me I am top of the list for the next job that comes up, all very top secret of course.

Plan B is beautiful at the moment. My only hassle is seeming to wait for the D papers, and Gollum's next legal move.

I will be glad when that is all over.

I have a clandestine operation tomorrow that I am anxious about. Nothing major, just something that I know I need to do as a means to cut more ties with Gollum. I need to know he is forever out of my life and I am taking the steps to do it.

Ripping the band-aid off so to speak.

way to go cara! things are just falling into place for you, and i'm so happy that they are going right!

re your secret endeavor...whatever it is, good luck, and keep your shields up so that you can protect yourself during whatever it is.

A VERY low day on the coaster.

Ramifications of yesterday I suspect. Just too many Plan B cracks.

I went and cleared out all of our wordly possessions. Accompanied by my father (acting as elder to those whose property we could have been accused of trespassing on) and two dear friends. Bolt cutters were needed, Gollum has removed the keys from hiding place as a means of keeping me out.

He has had assets removed. I suspected as much.

On a positive, I now have all of the wedding gifts (most never opened) so my house will be kitted out. At least I don't have to worry about that expense. Many of these hold such sentimental value, I am glad I have them. The ones that are particularly poignant, and may act as a trigger, I intend to give a new lease of life. There is a beautiful mirror that I intend to sand back and paint... I am thinking a nice tarnished gold if it matches my colours at the gallery appointment.

My father had to meet with a respected family friend of Gollum's. When my father explained the reasons for separation and that Gollum had dumped me by text message, my dad says the disgust flickered. Sadly, I suspect this man's son (the best man) has been duped by Gollum and is now supporting him in ripping me off with the marital assets. I think he is writing receipts for Gollum having sold them way below market value. I always thought our best man was honest.

If that wasn't draining enough, in the afternoon (even on a Sunday!) more legal papers. And cracks. I now know that Gollum paid for HH's tourist visa to Australia. She has either been, or has the trip booked.

Meanwhile, my marital assets have helped pay for her holiday.

Surrounded by boxes and sorting through our things, I stood up and said, how did it ever get to this, how did HE become this. My father's heart broke. He says he will never forget the look on my face.

On a spur of the moment, I left a "gift" for Gollum. VERY not Plan B, sorry all. I piled our photos and wedding name cards, along with mementos that would just trigger me, and left them on display for when he next enters. A shrine to what we were, and will never be again.