Not a "False Recovery" .... just a piss-poor beginning.

Now that you know better, you will do better.

More lies revealed. I effed up some of my "story" and forced myself to come clean. She's obviously angry... I screwed up. I'm sorry.

I agree. I think you've been trickle truthing AI.

And now I'm completely clean. The above post was a portion of the truth. I don't know if I should go into detail here, but when I said I slept with the OW twice, I lied. It was more like 10 times, and I *did* "achieve" a few times.

There were also more women with whom I flirted with, including many of my wife's friends.

I am sorry for lying you you all, but I am most sorry about lying to and destroying my wife's life.

I'm now waiting for my wife to decide if I should stay or go. I will keep you posted.

Also, I admit that I am one of the "Vultures" that are currently being discussed in another thread on this forum. I frequently went after women who had recently gotten out of relationships, or we're experiencing a hardship of any sort. I would make them feel better about pretty much anything, and exploit their sense of loss and need for connection with the willingness to fill that void.

I am a vulture. I manipulate and use people.

So why then should AI give you another chance?

Honestly, she shouldn't. But I'd like her to. This could be an incredible relationship if I get ahold of my Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgements, commit to full honesty, and do everything humanly possible to show her that I'm in this 100%.

She thinks the lies aren't over, but I'm done. Now I have to work my a$$ off.

But no, she houldnt give me another chance. I certainly wouldn't. All I know is that I'll have to live with whatever decision she makes, and work my [censored] of to justly compensate her for everything I've done.

She's said I can stay for now. She hasn't decided yet.
I consider myself lucky at the moment, but am respectfully waiting for her decision. During which time I will continue watching my AO's, DJ's, be honest and respectful, try to fulfill her needs, though she's refused me recently as I came clean, and do everything I possibly can to show her that I CHOOSE to do this because WANT to do this.

I'll keep you posted.

She's said I can stay for now. She hasn't decided yet.
I consider myself lucky at the moment, but am respectfully waiting for her decision. During which time I will continue watching my AO's, DJ's, be honest and respectful, try to fulfill her needs, though she's refused me recently as I came clean, and do everything I possibly can to show her that I CHOOSE to do this because WANT to do this.

I'll keep you posted.

Did I post this to you yet?
Another excellent radio clip on Dr. Harley explaining forgiveness compared to just compensation.

Radio Clip explaining Just Compensation

Thank you, GloveOil.

I get angry at pretty much everything. And when I get angry, I take it out on my wife. I snap at the kids, and I yell at my wife. And I stay where everyone can see me being pissed off. And make their lives hell.

I've made an appointment for Anger Management sessions starting on Thrsday of next week. The 21st. 5:30pm. Expect me to post almost directly after that.

Again, thank you for replying.

No, but I saw that you had posted it on AI's thread. Are you getting these from the archives, or is there somewhere I can grab these myself without the membership?

Just listened to the piece on just compensation and took 2 pages of notes. I've come away with this:

I have to be all in, 100% honest, transparent, let no one but my wife make Love Bank deposits, follow No Contact for life, avoid friendships with anyone of the opposite sex, follow the Policy of Joint Agreement, create a romantic relationship with my wife that surpasses what we ever had, and follow through with all of the above, while ensuring that I will act upon the Extraordinary Precautions that my wife sets out for me.

I have to do this all because I want to, and all without fail. I have to avoid any Love Busters, and be completely respectful.

And I have to understand and accept that she has the right to end the relationship at anytime, if she wants to, for any reason.

I also have to acknowledge and accept that my BS has the right to refuse my offer to carry out the above mentioned terms.

I will do this.

A line has been drawn that I do not wish or expect to cross.

One thing happened that upset me, though. She brought up the day one of our friends died, a subject that she knows is a very upsetting thing for me and something I always ask not to talk about, because she wanted to know what happened that day between myself and his sister - a woman with whom I had sex.

I got very upset because it felt to me that she was using that event against me, and knew that it would get a rise out of me.

I asked that she not bring his death up again, and he said that I should not be making demands. We then arged about whether or not I was there when he died, and she said I was having an angry outburst and walked away.

I won't apologize for being upset about the subject of a friend dying. This is something "gets me every time." I will apologize for my outburst.

In additions to the EPs that senhas added to my current list of EPs, she is requiring me to do a few other things she is calling Extreme Precautions, including signing the van over to her, putting a new password on a bank account that I will not have access to, and signing a post-nup that will be set out in her best interest.

There are more which I will post later (if she gives me the list after adding more).

I have agreed to all of them.

Well, waitaminute, TRT: Which do you think she was bringing up -- the fact of your friend's death, or the tangled relationship that included your history with his sister? Answer, please.

Seems to me the facts of your friend's death are pretty well established. That's not what she was really bringing up. If you'd drop your guard and LISTEN to your wife, I think you'd hear that what she was asking was not about his death. It was about the relationships -- including the one that was (or that later turned?) improper.

You don't get a free pass on truthfully answering her questions that relate to your infidelity by ducking behind your friend's tombstone. (And if that's what you were trying for, that'd be pretty weak, wouldn't you agree?) You listen patiently to what your wife is asking to know -- and if you're not sure, the you calmly ask her to clarify (that's how you engage in conversation & meet her need for honesty). Then you answer meekly, humbly, truthfully -- in short, honorably.

There's no shortcut.

I'm so glad you have some excellent posters on your thread.

You did take excellent notes. I get all the clips from the archives and you do not have to pay a membership.

Dr. Harley puts it very simple. If POJA and PORH are always followed, then there never can an affair happen if these two policies are followed. Plus you will make sure you are taking extraordinary care of your spouse.

Why don't you schedule a poly and get all the lies out on the table?
Polygraph Testing

I don't have the money, but AI has made it absolutely clear that we will find the money, even of it takes months.

The tangled relationship. I had a rash, knee jerk reaction. It was me.

AI gave me this list of requirements in order for her to even consider recovery. What's the general consensus on it:

- Car in her name/joint name
- Possible post-nup protecting HER
- Personal bank I have no access to
- COMPLETE adherence to EPs
- keyloggers/ controls on all internet
- Returning to old job, even with location change, NOT AN OPTION
- No more lovebusting or manipulation. Zero tolerance. Walk away.
- COMPLETE honesty about all emotional and physical infidelity will be given, in detail, however small
- Polygraph will be taken to ensure total honesty. �If his story was false, we are DONE.

I have to agree to and complete all of these before he will consider committing to recovery.