I'm just pissed off and I have a feeling that they could be communicating on company time too.

Also, he has started going to the same church as me and my mom. A couple of members told me that I need to speak with a pastor, because it's looked down upon in the church for a married man to attend church while carrying on affairs.

We are in the D process right now, but we are still married, so I'm just not sure what to do... Please help!

I always say No,No,No! to this, because it will have a tremendous effect on your Plan B and on healing. This is EXACTLY what ALL waywards do in Plan B. It is also the EXACT reason people should be banned from passing on news of him to you.

Are you going to expose every skank he hooks up with?

He's not your problem in Plan B. If he becomes repentant, and you ever want to try recovery, he will have to give you all the info and you can expose her at that point.

Sounds like you go to a good church where they walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Good idea.



Exposure is a caring gesture geared towards freeing the wayward from their addiction.

You dont do anything caring for him in Plan B. You let him see what divorce will be like, before he actively chooses it. You let him see what it is like to hit rock bottom with a variety of skanks, and you not lifting a finger to stop it. You not caring.

Let him hit rock bottom.

Screwing around at work, when they already know what he's like sounds like an ideal way to hit rock bottom.

Leave him to his mistakes and foolishness.

What about church Indie? Should I speak with a pastor?

He knows I can't stand this skank at work too... She's an ex-gf who also has a bf in the service. Two peas in a pod!

This is why Dr. Harley says it is very tough to properly implement and stay dark in Plan B when you work at the same job.

Are you looking to get out of that job?

Yes: tell him you cant be in the same room as your WH, as it is too distressing, so either he finds a new church or you do. Ask him to help you by opposing adultery.



My assessment is that he's looking for ways to find out if you still care by deliberately behaving badly under your nose.

Don't take the bait.

The silence is killing him.

I'm doing ok with my job right now, but definitely keeping my options open. Switching jobs will definitely effect my lifestyle.

I agree Indie.... He's probably doing everything on purpose.

I'll call the church tomorrow

Also, I have a piece of jewelry that his mother gave me, which is a family heirloom. I would like to return back to his family, because it's the right thing to do. Should I mail it to them directly insured or inter-office to WH to return to them? I would feel terrible if something happened to it in the mail. In-laws live out of state.

Keep the jewelry safe with you for now.

You have all of time to get it back to them if it needs to be done.

Also......please keep your mine open and eyes and ears open for a new employer that would be a positive place for you. Though you have a lot invested in your current job, there is always something better out there somewhere (money, time, fulfilling).

Thanks for your advice Reading, but I didn't see your post in time and had a runner from work hand deliver the necklace with a sealed card that read:

FIL & MIL,

Thank you for sharing this beautiful heirloom with me that represents family, love and respect. �I'm returning it back to you in love and respect for your family.

You have been the most amazing in-laws and I wish you and your family nothing but the best.

Love Always,
BS

I sent my FIL a text yesterday to wish him a Happy Fathers Day and received the following email from him today. Not quite sure how to respond...


Hi DIL - thank you for the Father's Day wishes.� I did get your text message yesterday morning, and should have responded right away.� I was super busy yesterday trying to get a million things done around here, so I just smiled at your text message and went on working.........not a very good excuse for not acknowledging your Father's Day wishes to me right away.� It was so rainy here last week that I'm way behind on mowing, trimming and a lot of other outside work, so since it stopped raining on Saturday I've been working like a crazy person to try and catch up on stuff.� It gets ahead of me very quickly!� Yesterday was the "perfect" Father's Day for me in that it was completely quiet here - no one to bother me with anything to keep me from working on all the stuff I wanted to get done.� MIL was out of town visiting family and got back late yesterday afternoon, so until she got back it was just me and the dogs, though I couldn't get the dogs to help me much.� But I got a lot of stuff done and felt real good about the day.
�
You mentioned in your text last evening something about asking for our address here - I don't recall seeing that message.� It's not terribly unusual for my phone to miss messages here as the cell signal is pretty weak, so I apologize for not responding to that request.
�
I certainly have no intention of cutting off communication with you DIL.� You have been a very important part of our lives for many years.� I'll always consider you as part of our family regardless of what happens and hope you will feel the same way.� I know MIL feels the same way as I do.� I've lived long enough to know that life takes many unexpected turns, but through all of that one of the most important things is to hold onto relationships that have been important to you.
�
Thanks again for the Father's Day wishes - I appreciate your thoughtfulness.� I hope being back to work is going well.� I'm sure that the people you work with there were missing you and are glad you're back.
�
Take care...............love, FIL

_____________________________________

Should I respond to my FIL?

Of course you should. How has he done you any wrong? Pretty obvious to me he loves and cares for you very much so I would call him right now.

He's a wonderful man! I'm just at a loss regarding what to say... I'm getting stronger everyday, but have a lot of anger towards WH for the pain he has inflicted on everyone. I don't really feel he has been held accountable by his family and it's upsetting. I don't feel my exposure did much in regards to his family.

Just having a bit of a rough night I guess. My attorney told me that I need to provide WH with a key. He is supposed to give me notice before entering the home, but we will see if that happens.

I'm trying my best to focus on me and some days are easier than others. This is clearly going to take a very long time for me to recover from the pain.

star, he and your MIL are hurting very deeply as well, but they just don't know what to say or do either. Keep in mind, they are stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Stay in touch with them and show them how much you love them as well. When these things happen it's not at all uncommon for the WS's family to turn their back's on the BS. Separate your emotions and talk to him like you would at any given time pre-DDay. It serves you no good to not keep communicating with them.

I called and left a message for them on their answering machine. I doubt they will ask me anything personal, but I'm afraid of what I should or shouldn't say if they do... I miss them both very much and love them.

It's so hard to be where I'm at right now, as I never planned or dreamed this could ever happen. I still have bad dreams and wake up with a lot of pain on those days. Not everyday, but there are still nights where my dreams haunt me.

WH is really destroying his reputation at work. People are hearing about him and what he's done and now the other co-worker. They come up to me and ask me how I'm doing and I say that I'm doing good and hanging in there. Then, I get head shakes from people and they say they can't stand to look at him anymore and that he and OW#? disgust them!

As for me, I have been getting up early to make sure that I look amazing and well groomed everyday, make-up, hair, dresses, heels, jewelry, nails, etc. I walk with my head high and smile as much as I can! I've been receiving lots of compliments from both men and women, so it's definitely helping to get my self-esteem back (a little). I have been taking Pilates and going to start a boot camp class with my friend (female), of course.
I am in great shape again after losing affair weight, so this makes me happy! I have a nice tan now too... Yeah me!

Ok, I haven't felt very good about myself in a while, but the past couple of weeks, I'm starting to feel better about me! I know WH may never come back from his fog or lying and cheating ways and honestly if he did, I'm not sure I would even want him anymore! I think about all of the chances I gave him and never received any sort of definite answer from him. Maybe he was always this person and I was so blinded by love that I couldn't see who he really was.

I'll be 37 in September and would still love to have a family someday, but I'm scared. I know the "right" person is out there for me and I'm trying my best to live and learn each and everyday. I'm trying to accept my feelings, whether they are sadness, anger, resentment, etc., accept them, but try not to dwell on them for too long. I want to get back to ME, back to Starfish! I want to get myself in a wonderful place, so that oneday I'll be good and healthy enough to take on the "right one" whenever he comes along. I know things I will do differently in the future and know the things that I will and will not accept in a relationship. This experience, as painful as it is and has been has changed me and I hope I can look back one day and see why this happened and be in a much better place because of it. Gosh, I can't believe I just said all of this... lol! Well, it's what I'm feeling at the moment. Tomorrow could be another story...

Star, have you ever read the thread by Atena? She continued to work with her WH. It didn't do her any good at all. You could see the pain and anguish that she dealt with on a daily basis. OW also lived in her building, if I remember correctly. It was just awful to see her suffer when she didn't need to.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2530864&page=1

Also Hope3343 still works with WH and OW