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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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You need to up your snooping. Here. Keylogger programs VAR GPS Units
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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She has said the marriage is dead based on my emotional abuse and lack of empathy. I found the pp phone and only had atty, dad and binlaw calls...she doesn't even hide it and mocks my snooping. Her dad said no way How does she talk to the OM? Where is she when she talks to him? Your wife is having a real fun time playing you, it sounds like to me. She enjoys playing cat and mouse and thus far has managed to outsmart you. You just have to get smarter. What were your biggest lovebusters with her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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She has said the marriage is dead based on my emotional abuse and lack of empathy. I found the pp phone and only had atty, dad and binlaw calls...she doesn't even hide it and mocks my snooping. Her dad said no way How does she talk to the OM? Where is she when she talks to him? Your wife is having a real fun time playing you, it sounds like to me. She enjoys playing cat and mouse and thus far has managed to outsmart you. You just have to get smarter. What were your biggest lovebusters with her?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Ok...if I'm getting this right she's in Plan B: "You will be able to look him in the eye and say, "I FEEL deceived - your actions make me feel UNSAFE and it's up to you to prove your innocence by changed actions - I don't have to prove anything to you."" She's not in Plan B. You need to re-read the articles here. Her Love Bank is in the red. How much time do the two of you spend together? Have you read about UA time? here. I haven't read your whole thread, so I don't know yet if there is an affair here. But the two of you can't build a healthy marriage if you don't spend any time together. That includes going on separate vacations.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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I sleep on the other side of the house and after a fight went down at 11pm to tell her she was right, that all the things I've said were wrong and I'd do whatever she wanted. "Than leave or stay and we start dating (open marriage).". I know I can't force her to love me and the more I try the worse it gets. Yet, as I write this I see I've not tried in the way she demands. I know that if you sound like a wimp she's not going to respect you. And you sound like a wimp, here. Why are you not demanding that she do her part to build a healthy marriage with you??
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Did you order any of the books yet?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Yea, my wife is way over that. She would rattle off countless other MC failed attempts years ago. I'm sure she could. Most MC's are worthless. They have no plan. MB has a PLAN.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 52
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Yes, I do not think she has OM and yes I have been a wimp as I am trying to understand her feelings and how I destroyed her trust. Need not be a wimp doing that tho. I ordered LB and yes I totally devasted and robbed/burnt the bank down. We are in a most toxic place and emotions run amok so the quality time is when we are on opposite side of the house and speech at a minimum. Got a tad bit annoyed with the OM bit here...
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The last three family vacations had been tainted with fights and my not controlling my emotional self... Christmas in Kaui was a call from my mom saying she was moving to our state...I never forwarned my wife of this potential cuz when I first heard it from mom it was a 5yr plan and never thought it would occur. It did only a few mos later and there is very bad blood there and she sees all that is wrong on our marriage as coming from my narc mom.
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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f The last three family vacations had been tainted with fights and my not controlling my emotional self... Christmas in Kaui was a call from my mom saying she was moving to our state...I never forwarned my wife of this potential cuz when I first heard it from mom it was a 5yr plan and never thought it would occur. It did only a few mos later and there is very bad blood there and she sees all that is wrong on our marriage as coming from my narc mom. So if you're 100% sure there is no OM. You need to start working the program. Clean up your side of the street. POJA Are you saying you allowed your mom to come live with you and didn't tell your W?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Also how much UA time are you getting a week? Tell us what you do during this time. Or are you spending all your time apart? The Policy of UA
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 52
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We are Karen & Jim in Dr H's LB book exactly! No ILYBIDLYAM but all the emotional abuse/neglect from years past and the Hate Bank loaded over...
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BrainHurts, the mother moved an hour away...way to close for a narc and DW was lied to about the possibility.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Please listen to this clip. Radio clip on UA Tell me what you think.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 52
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Yea, ok but too many unrelated variables in that clip..I've been controlling and she gave sex to get along...just like the book...and now she's disgusted...anyway working on self to be stronger and control my own emotions while quitting my controlling behavior
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Joined: Jun 2012
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I, personally found the snooping which I did casually for past year which ramped up in last 3 mos did nothing to confirm but only made me a manic paranoid wreak...dumb thing I did was finally tell her and ask to swipe from her phone. I know Dr H says best be honest and I did feel better like the guilt lifted from a cheating spouse. I need to do what makes me feel good.
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