This morning:

Gave AI a list of 4 key loggers for Mac
A website on covert ops for Mac
Called a lawyer re: post nup (left a message)
Found out how to transfer van to joint ownership
Created an admin account on our desktop for her to parental lock my account
Continued creating exercise plan as per EPs
Let her sleep in for 4 hours while I (happily) got pummeled by 3 kids.

More later, I hope.

I know you're saying that, but I did all the same things. I lied to everyone at first. No one knew the truth of my adultery except me and the OM. I lied to my parents, my friends and family, H's family. If I'd been here on the boards then, I probably would have tried to get away with lying here too. I didn't want anyone to know what a horrible person I had become. I had people believing me, and telling me that my BH was just obsessive because he "wouldn't let "it" [what he thought was an EA] go". I even lied to the marriage counselor we went to during those first four months. Heck, she even "graduated" us, because she thought we were doing so well, and it was apparent to her that we were completely in love with each other.

Unfortunately the love he felt for me then was based on my lies. Eventually it all fell apart. I've tried to hold it together, but now there's essentially nothing left to hold together. And it hurts and it sucks but I live with the knowledge that I have only myself to blame, you know? But he has the truth, and he and everyone else knows the real reason our marriage crumbled. Importantly, that it wasn't his fault. Through it all, at least I have grown and learned, and that isn't something that would have happened had I continued to be a liar, and tried to look "good" to everyone. Shiny red apple with a rotten core.

I had always been a "good girl." Raised with religion, morals. I didn't want people to know that under all of that veneer was someone whose core was rotten and evil. Someone who could do what I did to my husband and my children.

Anyway, it's not us you have to convince, it's AI. And for her sake, I hope you have finally told her everything.

Thanks again, wulffpack.
I'm workin' it.
Tomorrow is T-Day. (Truth Day)
The rest of our lives together will be spectacular.
I'm passing that poly with a clear conscience.

Have an appointment on Friday to talk to counsel regarding a marital contract. I've made it clear that the contract is in the event of future infidelity, and that I insist it be drafted heavily in AI's favor. He has agreed to a consultation.

AI and I will find independent counsel for her, as she will need to have someone review the contract to ensure it is in fact what she wants.

Actions.

Pass that test tomorrow, and then we'll have more to post about.

You do understand that that test is only the BEGINNING of a very long and hard journey right? Your choice. As always. You make that choice every moment of every day. In the past, you have made the choice to not be the best man possible for your BW. Don't fall into old habits. You need a PLAN. MB has that plan, if you stick to it.

I understand.
I'm ready for it.

I sincerely hope that you have told it all to AI now. The only way you will be able to pass is if it is all on t he table, otherwise it will come out tomorrow.

I will be praying for both you and AI. I think I speak for all here, we want your marriage to work, we want to make it better and a success story!

About 5 minutes away from my polygraph test.
I would say wish me luck, but all I need is the truth.
Here we go.

I passed.
I told the whole truth to AI.
Now I have to keep doing that.

So glad you did. I hope you incorporate ALL of the MB principles and give your wife yourself totally for the first time ever. She needs your openness and honesty and PORH from you so you two can follow POJA on every single thing you do.

It is in AI's hands to decide if she wants to rebuild a marriage with you. I know I wouldn't.

Thank goodness TRT. Now think how close you skated to trying to 'bury' things before this day and how much better it is have it all cleared out right. Check out my signature quote, I am hoping it is as true for you as for AI. (and as true as it was for me, and everyone else who comes on here whether betrayed or wayward)

How is she holding up? I'm sure it was a gruelling day.

Many people would not, including me, I have to admit. As a serial cheat you're going to need super-duper EPs and that is a lot of work.

You're going to have to make it as easy as possible for AI to keep you accountable, constantly volunteering transparency so she doenst have to 'chase' to find out what you're up to.

The slip up a few days ago taking your phone to the bathroom for example NOT ACCEPTABLE. One example of making it easy would be to offer to go without a cell phone from now on, but I know you've downloaded a tracker on there, so AI may prefer that.

Indie and TinT:

I'm going to bust my a$$ to make good on this. AI deserves the best. She's pretty upset, obviously, but we haven't really talked yet. She's on her way home now.

Also, I've made a tentative appointment with a counsellor, to be referred to a psychotherapist re: anti-social personality disorder.

No. I do not intend to break ANY more EPs. Ever.

That's evidence that you aren't taking the time to absorb the Marriage Builders philosophy.

Where did you hear this advised?

You don't have anti-social personality disorder.

You have WAY TOO SOCIAL personality disorder.

Dr H has discussed serial cheats on his show many times, TRT. It is an addiction to the very intense high of having needs met by others, more than one. It causes release of dopamine in the brain that is more addictive than crack cocaine.

One-time cheats are addicted to the AP. Serial cheats are addicted to having a SSL where needs are met easily by skanks.

It isnt a disorder.

Feed anyone enough crack cocaine and they'll be addicted to it for life.

therightthing, I called Dr Harley about this back in 2006 and he told me that many serial cheaters are anti-social personalities. But those who are, usually never marry because they have a host of other problems, such as criminal history, inability to hold down a job and a general inability to adapt to life. Basically, they are criminals who can't hold down jobs. Here is the radio clip:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=578 "chances are if the guy is married and holds down a job he is not an anti-social personality"

Go to 5:00 if you want to jump to the chase.

I am very leery about your foray into counseling, though, because that is typically a way to avoid facing the tough problems in your marriage. Your marriage is not going to wait while you go off to counseling.

Hey all,

Thanks for the words. I'm going to look into this a lot more, and read up on Dr. Harley's opinions.

Melody,

Thanks for the radio clip. I worry about the counseling as well, and am only doing this until I find out if i was approved for the credit card I applied for yesterday. If I was, all be talking steps to have phone counseling through the MB coaching center. I think that's our best shot at a legit and concrete chance at this. Especially with me being sonaggressive in this.

I also have my first anger management session tonight, which AI is going to join me for, with the purpose of speaking to the coach alone as per what she thinks are issues to be dealt with.

What other steps can I take now that I've passed the poly?

And yes, Markos, I do have a "TOO MUCH" issue. In more regards than that.