Here's another good clip on serial cheaters. The guy wrote a book.
Radio clip on serial cheaters

It would be better to do NO counseling if you can't sign up for MB counseling. You would be better off getting a pedicure and working the program at home. It is cheaper to get a pedicure or go out to dinner and that will be better for your marriage.

This post made me happy.
Mel, I'm posting impaired again.
You ready?

oh goody!!!

Great clip. But HOW did he stop? Cause I'm sitting here being selfish, mean, and overbearing to the woman I destroyed, and I want to stop.

It can't be as easy as "Just stop, jerkface!"

Cause if that was the case, I'd do it.

And being that I'm a serial cheater, what extra-extraordinary precautions should be put into place?

Keep in mind that I want to stop all of this negative behavior so I can help my wife heal.

Please. Reaching out, here.

The way to stop is to stop. In your case, you actively seek action, so you would have to stop that. Like Dr Harley said in the clip, you should set your life up in a way that it would be impossible to cheat because you would be surrounded with people who would hold you accountable. For example, some serial cheaters work WITH their spouses.

So you would need to work on setting up your life in such a way that you CAN'T cheat again. And I don't mean by calling her throughout the day because we all know even a halfwit cheater can work around that.

Just stop, jerk face.

Radio clip on EPs
Another radio clip o EPs

Ok, Mr Canoe,

You're mean.
You've given yourself permission to be mean.
You'd rather be mean than tender & loving.
You'd rather be "right" in an argument than make your wife feel loved.

I'd quote the Bible here, but you'd just give yourself permission to be mean to me!

I noticed you are spending money on counseling (that many of us think may be dubious), and that you are trying to get a loan for Marriage Builders coaching.

Did you know that you can talk to Dr. Harley for free? He has a daily radio show, he hands out a free hour of his own proven brand of marital therapy every week day.

Why not start with the free sample and see where it takes you? You can email him and ask the above question and get his own take on it.

Speak to Dr. Harley, it's free.

Have you read all of the materials I've linked to and suggested in this thread?

Mr Canoe,

I told your wife to record your mean tantrums.
I want YOU to start the ball rolling.
Next time you give yourself permission to have an AO, tell her:

"Wife, start recording. Here it comes. I'm about to let my creep-flag fly."

She gets the recorder started and then, off you go.

Do this every time.

You need to HEAR yourself.
If you have an iPhone, do a video in stead of just a voice recording.
You might enjoy SEEING how handsome rage makes you look.

You want to stop? Really?
I just LITERALLY handed you a tool.
Record yourself.
Enjoy.

After your next AO, go have an effin'pedicure.

Holy crap! You did this to your wife after what you have done to her? You want support?? You want support??? GOOD GRIEF! Have you no heart? Your stabbing victim is lying on the floor bleeding and you are demanding support from her?

That is about as COLD as it gets! How in the world do you explain such cruelty?

Stop AO's and stop your hair brained idea that your wife, you know the one that you have completely and totally destroyed, should somehow feel sorry for and pick YOU up off the floor of you OWN mess that YOU made. Not her job. Not going to ever be her job.

Realize that her love bank is in the red, after all this catastrophic deception. Every thing you say or do can either put deposits into that, or further damage that. Visually see the little chips plunking into her bank as you put them in. And then see them spilling out the hole in the bottom when you AO on her. Do you really want to continue to take away from the very deposits you say you are desperately trying to make to save this marriage right now?

TRT, lovebusting? today? Are you out of your mind?

Is it going to be worth losing EVERYTHING for the satisfaction of letting your anger rip for a few minutes?

A few minutes of delusion that it's someone elses fault? To ease YOUR guilt?

Emotionally lashing out at your wife, when she is barely able to stand what she has endured already?

Her lovebank wont survive this. No matter if you become the perfect spouse next week or next month, if her lovebank runs dry NOW, you wont get back in. All youll hear from her is 'I cant' and ' I dont want to'. She won't be able to help it. If BOTH her heart and her head are pitted against you due to your anger - that's it.

Your writing cheques your mouth cant cash when you strip down your lovebank with her with AOs. She cant hold onto a good image of you, an image of the future, while you AO her.

If you cant keep your mouth shut, leave for a bit and cool down.

This is a good idea.

I am amazed when my wife describes my angry outbursts to me (which, by the way, is not common, because it's painful for her to recall them). She describes things that I have no memory of whatsoever.

Why? Because I went insane. That's what an AO is.

Do you think you benefit from living portions of your life without sanity?

Dr. Harley says we would all be amazed if we could hear ourselves recorded during an angry outburst.

Try it.

No. Don't try it. Do it.
I am the Queen and this is what will be done.

Norco anyone?

This is so true. I used to AO a lot and my loved ones would tell me things I couldnt remember later.

As soon as I got the ILYBNILY speech from my (unsuspectedly) wayward husband, who blamed one AO in particular, I quit.

I just quit like that because I was terrified of losing him. Id always thought my AOs were no big deal and so I gave myself permission to have them.

Of course the AOs didnt end my marriage. But they certainly put the final boot in. I didnt come off so well compared to OW that day I let a real big one rip. Even if I was totally angered by his mysterious disappearances.... it was no excuse for MY behaviour. I should have known better.

Once you get into the mindset that one more AO will cost you what you need... you see it just isnt worth it. You see you can control it.

And when I found out my H was cheating? with my best friend? I didnt AO one bit. Because I'd found MB and understood I couldnt afford to withdraw from the lovebank.

I stopped being angry and began being ASSERTIVE.