How are you doing, MIM?

Please listen to these radio clips on Plan B and how important and IM is.
Radio clip on Plan B and IM
Segment #2
Segment #3

Have you ever attended an AlAnon meeting?
I ask because you describe your ex as an alcoholic.
Dr Harley encourages spouses of alcoholics to join AlAnon.
I myself have benefitted immensely from it.
The problem with alcoholics is that it is a disease and you can bang your head against the wall trying to understand their actions.

MIM,

BTW, by going dark with your ExH you may have started the unraveling of his relationship/affairage with OW.

By allowing him to abuse you for years you have provided him with an outlet for his need to have someone to blame. Now this blame will be focused on OW.

Heck, since your ExH is likely in sexual decline while OW is 38 and hot to trot, help it along by sending OW links to ashleymadison and other assorted hook up sites.

God Bless
Gamma

Not so good...it has been a rough two weeks. I failed to follow all of your good advise....and have been trying to appeal to reason, love, family whatever....I think hoping to get perhaps an apology or some semblance of compassion with the man that I loved and supported throughout his military career and before.

But no chance. All I have gotten was abusive responses from him and an abusive comment with a bill from his OW. And this was all in response to an inquiry as to why his child support has not been paid in June and July.

In addition he flew in and went to the child support office and told them I don't know what....because I got a woman from there calling me with a horrible demeanor...saying that I haven't informed my ex about my son't college plans (he flew in and talked to the coach and visited the campus the day after we went and I had told him we liked it). And to top it off, he was invited to attend a big Change of Command Ceremony where our friends took over the wing command. He of course loves to throw that in my face. It did hurt!! And he knew it would. In addition to that...my daughter has to go back to a doctor visit in CO...and she is in summer school...so can only go for an overnight trip. I can't afford to fly, so she asked him for a buddy and he said no. I wanted to drive, but no time. So her dad was going to take her....but she found out tonight that the OW is taking her...and she hates that...and there is nothing I can do.

I went in for redos on my mammograms and had an ultrasound....the radiologist cked it and said that it was fine and to make sure to get one next year...then this morning...the base called and it was up to me if I wanted to see a surgeon....or I could wait until next year and have another mammogram....so a little worried about that.

And finally...today...I got a weird call from an old pilot friend who was looking for may ex's address so that he could invite him and his wife to a pilot reunion.....amazing....we used to be fairly close...I gave his wife two baby showers.

It is just kind of piling up.....being broke, struggling to help the kids financially, having to work 6 more years, trying to figure out how to pay bills.....it is depressing.

Sorry, it is late...and I just read what I wrote...I am really whining.

I have been working out every day. I am determined to lose some weight. I have been eating really healthily....and for the first time....I am the only one home....and I am starting to relax and kind of enjoy it!!

I have been walking about 4 miles a day...except for today...because my foot really hurts today...bu that is going pretty well. I started out this summer with big ambitions for getting this house in shape...and that hasn't gone quite as well. Sometimes my attitude has been...who cares...no one is going to see it anyway...so at the moment my house is NOT spotless and eventually I will get to organizing some things.

I have been going out with some friends and have been doing some things by myself. I went to the movies by myself the other day...a first, I think. I went to the fireworks by myself after a dinner with friends also.....So the adjustment to having everyone gone has been strange...but not devastating. Just wanted you to know.....i am not totally losing it!

Brainhurts,

Thanks for those links...could easily relate to their message.....he is right on target with his advice...I think he is right also....the romance and admiration was long gone in our ralationship...he concentrated on work and I had the kids, school, work and his squadron support group. We were so busy....and the kids and my life revolved around his schedule and the kids activities....

Dear HDW,
No, I never did go to Al-Anon,

I should have gone years ago...especially when he was really out of control when we lived in Plattsburgh, NY.....he was afraid it would ruin his career. Supposedly, he has quit drinking...but have seen him on Facebook in some pretty wild situations in bars with woman dressed in leather....you get the picture. Seems like he is drinking again. If he is, I don't know how she puts up with him....he is totally irrational when he drinks...and he doesn't know when to stop.

Gamma,

What great advice...you are right....they are united in their bellief that no matter what the situation...I am the cause of everything!!! It is amazing...

They have a huge facebook personna....one of my daughters wondered who they were trying to impress...they acted "worse then love struck teenagers"...all four kids are embarrassed by their pics and statements on Facebook.

Ok...starting tomorrow...I am going to do better in deleting myself from their world. Gosh...it is hard to do!!!

So what is your plan to go into Plan B from your ex?

If you have a plan and follow it you will feel so much better.

My plan is to not look at Facebook stuff, react to only what I have to legally....and go through child support. This past month has proved to me that he is incapable of feeling anything but hate towards me for whatever the reason.....I am tired of dealling with it.

I would block him all together.

On child support, do you go through the state or AG?

MIM, you need to be in Plan B with your ex. Permanently. He is toxic to you.

I go through Family Services for the State of Missouri. They don't do much though. It has been two months since he paid this time.

For some reason that I can't figure out, he pays to the State of Florida, who then pays MO....the problem is that Florida has different child support laws, so they withhold the money. It is always a mess to figure out. At this point, the State of MO has an inquiry in with Florida. That will take another couple of months. It is so stupid.

It is not like he can't pay either...he flies with Delta. He and OW fly all over the world on fantastic vacations all the time. Pretty sad tho for a number of reasons.

It will be difficult to pay college tuition this fall and all the encompanying expenses for the start of school.

Have you suggested fastweb to your college student? It's a website dealing with scholarships. You have to fill lots of stuff out but it can really help.

You have been divorced for 10 years and still crave his approval?
Isn't that called co-dependency?

Your ex is an alcoholic?
Why do you want him to be different?

You can only change yourself.