The need for exposure is to get this guy out of your lives so he is not around your kids. Otherwise, you may be sitting next to him at your kid's weddings in 10-15 years. Everyone should know what he is doing. If you have vengeful feelings, that is fine, but it is secondary to the purpose here. Nothing wrong with vengence, but the purpose is to kill the affair and drive this guy away.

Exposure to his side will also have the effect of dashing any of your wife's future hopes with him. She won't be able to darken his family's doorstep if they know she is an adultress. This will ruin any fantasy she has about the future of this affair. And it sounds like she has lots of fantasies.

You might even be successful in saving your marriage doing this, who knows. It is the absolute best weapon you have.

Go check out my template exposure letters in the thread in my signature. That is the best way to expose.

p.s. and yes, some may call you "vindictive," but that is ok. You are not doing this to get the approval of misguided crapwits. You are doing it to kill the affair. You will get lots of support from some circles and in others you will draw recriminations. But you can take that.

The purpose of "closure" is always to start up the affair again.

I take it your kids know about the affair? Did you tell them the affair is back on track?

By not exposing, you have made it WAY TOO EASY for the OM! Whose side are you on, friend?!

Thank you ML, I really appreciate your advice and that is the main reason I will do this, to get him away from my kids. I have nothing to lose at this point.

I don't have FB so will work on setting up an account today and read your signature for how to do this. I may need some help with FB as I don't know if I need to "friend" this guy so I can see all of his contacts. Otherwise I won't know how I can send the letter to OM contacts.

Question: I'm in contact with OMW since she knows nothing and POSOM is lying and denying their contacts. I've told her everything I know and will continue to do so. If my WW asks me if I'm talking to her, do I tell her yes or hide it?

Melo12,

What a coincidence? She reached out to him on Friday and now they are divorcing again.

By exposing OM you would not just be helping yourself and your children, but also the OMW and her children who are also innocents forced to drink from this cesspool.

God Bless
Gamma

Agreed Gamma, thank you. The OMW is so upset and doesn't know what to do as she wants her marriage and life back as well. I wrote the letter, now just need to get the FB account set up and figure out how to message all of his contacts.

I know this is going to majorly blow up once I do this, which will likely be tonight. One thing that concerns me is this is not construed as "slander" is it? I know no one here is an attorney but the POSOM had thrown this out there before when my WW broke it off with him last month and threatened to tell all of his business contacts about the A.

Thank you all for your help & support!

Melo12,

As long as you stick to the facts it is not slander.

Even if it were slander how does that compare with destroying two families?

Often times we mock at cultures which stone adulterers, but perhaps they simply value the social contract more than we do, and understand what we have forgotten.

God Bless
Gamma

Melo,

Send OMW here, so we can help her.

Melo12,

I think I freaked out thinking the same thing -- I'm sure I have a post questioning if it was slander, can I be sued, blah blah blah.

Gamma, Mel, etc. reassured me of the same thing: it aint slander if its the truth. Also, they raised a good point -- even if it was, what POSOM/W is going to voluntarily bring it to the public's attention in court(boy, what a gift!).

And Mel's response to you is consistent with her advice to me (which worked, of course!):

If in the off chance exposure didn't work with MY W's family, well it CERTAINLY worked by exposing to POSOM's family as they now would know the truth of the relationship and my W wouldn't be so soon invited to family picnics or Thanksgiving dinner...I say this, not to gloat, just to show you: after I sent out exposure letters, POSOM's mommy contacted us and called my W sick and twisted, blamed the whole thing on her, not her precious boy of course, and said she hoped my W was in serious therapy.

That kinda killed the fantasy, wouldn't you say?

Expose, and you'll be pleasantly surprised who stands with you...

God Bless.

Be loud and proud and tell her YES! Tell her you and the OMW are in constant contact and are comparing notes. I would volunteer this information.

And you don't have to friend the OM to see his contacts. [usually] Just copy and paste all his contacts into a WORD doc for safekeeping.

It is not slander if it is the truth. It is not against the law in the US to tell truth. If the OM would like to TRY to sue you for slander, that would be awesome! You could hoist him on his own petard in open court! You could have all of his phone and email records subpeonaed along with other witnesses to the affair.

Can you post the letter so we can give you feedback?

I would also expose the affair to all of your wife's family, friends and your children.

Slander? LOL
My wife's affair partner said it was slander too.
I suggested to my wife that he hire an attorney to complain to me.
The truth is not slander. If you follow the letter provided by Marriage Builders you will be fine

Yeah...and after my exposure letter to OMs boss got him fired, he threatened to sue me and demanded an apology to his boss (I guess to get his job back.

I'm serious, the POSOM stated this.

Riiiigggghhhhhtttt. I told my then-WW: will do! see you, OM, subpeoned phone records, etc. in court (I showed W a written list of names of people I'd subpeona for court...boy, did that have an effect on her!).

Use the exposure letter posted on this discussion board, and you'll be fine. Remember to state that you love your wife, family, etc. and provide contact information.

You are not hiding in the dark doing something 'wrong' -- you are standing up for marriage and your family!

Here is a copy; I just tweaked what you guys had given me. I cannot thank you enough for all of this help and support!! Please keep feedback coming as this is the one thing I feel that I have some control over!

I will set up FB tonight and hopefully this will go out then. I may need help with that and hope the messaging thing works as I cannot add the POSOM as a friend, no way.

Dear friends and family,

As some of you know, my wife ___ and ____ have been carrying on an affair the past several months which has shattered my heart. I thought the affair had ended and we had been working to slowly recover and repair the damage but to my shock, I have discovered that the affair has recently started again.

As a friend, I am asking that you use your influence with ____ to persuade him to end his part in the affair so that two young families can be restored and we can try to work on our respective marriages. My marriage can be salvaged if they would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriages.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

My .02 (I'm passing on great advice given to me) for your letter:

1. it's not an affair (too cutsie in this society)..it's commiting adultery, and adulterous relationship, whatever...

2. you don't want him to 'end his part in the affair' -- rather, you want to make it clear that he is NOT to contact your wife/family ever again FOR LIFE...

3. leave a phone number and welcome anyone of them contact you should they desire to...

melo, I like the letter. I would add your phone # or email address so they can contact you directly. Do you have any evidence of the affair you could upload to website? Such as pictures, emails, texts? Rainy did this when she exposed because the affairees were denying everything. That ruined the OW's attempts at denial.

My wife is not denying anything about the affair and admits just about everything about it; only denying the current "relationship" they are now having. She is letting me divorce her as she feels that is what needs to happen (this all came up since Friday when she broke NC) but says they are just friends or blah blah blah. I have all the proof I need (sex pics, sex video, 500 pages of texts, the pregnancy) but not going to post it anywhere, but court if needed. It is the POSOM that is telling his wife nothing is going on, she has no proof, and she only has me to provide her with information that I have.

Thank you for the letter comments, I'm nervous but have to go through with it. When this explodes, do I just smile and say I'm sorry you feel that way? I know the after affects of this are going to be nasty.

but the POSOM had thrown this out there before when my WW broke it off with him last month and threatened to tell all of his business contacts about the A.
What a stand-up guy! What a PRINCE!

So to get even with your WW he was going to self-expose to his business contacts? That he has no morals? And cannot be trusted?

Oh, yes, by all means possible drive him to that step. He'll really cement his quality in the eyes of WW as well, wouldn't you agree?