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Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
OMW was exposed to and didn't care.
.


How on earth can you possibly know this? She could easily have been gaslighted. Plus, even if she is a swinger, there's still no way of knowing if she approves of the threat the WW poses. Some women are pressured in to it to keep their Hs happy. Other swingers don't expect the 'fun' to threaten their marriage and security.

Plus if OMW is genuinely a fully signed up wayward, that's great. There is no one more likely to be a venomous, angry jealous nightmare to the OW than someone wayward themsleves.

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads


But seriously, what do people expect when AP is from another country? I recognize the value of exposure, but the purpose of exposure isn't to announce the affair to the universe but to inform those that can pressure the affair. .


No not entirely. Simply the act of exposure shows caring and it causes shame even when it falls on deaf ears. The wayward feels a unit of shame and a unit of being cared about with each and every exposure.

Plus not everyone knows. Key targets are amiss. Are his parents swingers too? His nana?

Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads

But seriously, what do people expect when AP is from another country? ....finding that info is a challenge given his background and blocked FB page and the fact that they all live outside the country.


Its not Mars. Have you tried 192.com? You may need to pay for the info, but searching his name should show you where he was living when he was 18 and first registered to vote.

That should give you the parents names and their address at that time. You can then search their current address. Some of the result contain phone numbers. You can also try BT's website (british telecom) under their directory enquiries listings.

Or he could hire a PI.

Some of the info is free, some isn't.

The fact he is from another country makes following this up even more imperative.

Why would she care about losing friends when she has this 'new start' escape route undisturbed?

It would be very good for her to learn that she won't be able to lie to this family and they won't accept her.

I also doubt our friend here would welcome his kids being whisked away across an ocean.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
We are not talking about MARS, after all.


Oh hey, snap!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Love her, just so you know, Dr Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders calls exposure the "most important step" in killing an affair. So you can imagine my frustration at your friends minimization of the most effective and powerful tool at your disposal. Here are a couple of Harley's quote - please note he does not minimize it:

Originally Posted By: Dr. Bill Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders

"Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery."


Originally Posted By: Dr Bill Harley
"The reason for the wide exposure is not to hurt the unfaithful spouse, but rather to end the fantasy. Your husband's secret second life made his affair possible, and the more you can to to make it public, the easier it is for him to see the damage he's doing. Keeping it secret does damage, but few know about it. Making it public helps everyone, including the unfaithful spouse and lover, see the affair for what it really is."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Good grief, I personally exposed a WW in New Zealand! If a Texan can figure it out, I figure he can too.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Just so you know hfld and lhaaf, I'm a reporter in the UK and it's my job to find people. If 192 and BT don't pan out, (works 80 per cent of the time) I may have some other pointers, depending on what intel you have.

But a fake FB page or PI will get you a result, I'm sure.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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My friend will work on FB intel. Believe me the affair exposure is a dead issue bc NO one cares on the OM and WS side. The friends on WS side ALL know but she is not friends with them anymore and will not take phone calls or see them or they want nothing more to do with her and vica versa.

I am slowly convincing my family to help me win her back and am working on filling her LB and the 10 emotional needs. I wish affair exposure would have sent him packing and her coming back.

Her guilt, my love, our family (me her and our children) are my most powerful ways to win her back. If she had any friends left to rely on then I would talk to them but she lost everyone bc of the affair. From what I gather this is not the norm. She can be miserable alone (or with him) I am relying on that and her guilt so she sees what she left. I will fill her LB!

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" In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery." Dr Bill Harley, minimizing exposure...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"My friend will work on FB intel. Believe me the affair exposure is a dead issue bc NO one cares on the OM and WS side. The friends on WS side ALL know but she is not friends with them anymore and will not take phone calls or see them or they want nothing more to do with her and vica versa."

It is never a dead issue until you have exposed to the OMs family. We have had affairs killed from a parent stepping in. While it may not kill the affair, it will hasten its death. I would keep exposure on the FRONT burner until you have done a complete and comprehensive exposure. We can't really move on until that is done properly.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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"Her guilt, my love, our family (me her and our children) are my most powerful ways to win her back"

Guilt is not going to get her back. Waywards dont believe they are doing anything wrong. The way you get her back is to kill the affair through exposure and do your best to meet her needs while the affair is crumbling.

However, unless the affair is completely exposed it is unlikely to crumble for a very long time. It can thrive on fantasy fumes for a long time.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Sometimes exposure works instantly, sometimes it takes up to two years along with Plan B, you can't possibly know at this point.

If nothing else it will make LOVEBANK deposits.

If you want to free your wife from this alien you have to reach for the gun marked 'OMs parents'

You may not hit the mark, and it may not matter to the alien, who will just get mad or the Om or his parents...
.. But it WILL matter to the wife inside the alien. Even if she is lost for years or forever.

She is watching to see how hard you try.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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FWIW:

1. to this day, I firmly believe that exposing to OMs family is what killed the affair dead

2. many times after exposure and the fog cleared, it was my W who THANKED ME for exposing, and as Indiegirl alluded to, admitted it was clear to her who fought for her, and who did not

3. Listen to and do WHATEVER Melody tells you to do. 'nough said.

Expose and end that affair. God Bless.

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Good grief, I personally exposed a WW in New Zealand! If a Texan can figure it out, I figure he can too.

Apologize ahead of time for the t/j

I wish I knew more of this story. flirt

I've seen you and Pep reference it a few times.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Brainhurts, I called kiwijens husband in New Zealand and busted her. She had met up with the OM and refused to tell her husband despite days and days worth of posts trying to persuade her to tell him. So I found her name, looked up her home number and called her husband! Busted! grin

Thanks helpfordad. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Melody, I've always understood the value of exposure. We're on it, but it isn't as easy to find info as it would be here.

LH talked to OMW. She doesn't care.

I want to help LH effectively Plan A by saying the right things. For starters, I recommended avoiding saying things like, "I'll always be here for you."

That sends an indirect message that says, "I'll be here for as long as it takes for you to finish getting your jollies with OM."

It's better to say, "I'm willing to work on our marriage once you establish NC."

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Brainhurts, I called kiwijens husband in New Zealand and busted her. She had met up with the OM and refused to tell her husband despite days and days worth of posts trying to persuade her to tell him. So I found her name, looked up her home number and called her husband! Busted! grin

Thanks helpfordad. smile

Wow. Thank you Mrs. Texas. I've been wanting to read her story.

Those boots are made for walking. Talk about walking the walk. smile


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
For starters, I recommended avoiding saying things like, "I'll always be here for you."


I would agree with that. Better to keep things in the moment.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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I know this is going to fall on deaf ears (pretty much as it did last night), but did you talk to your boss and find out just what actions you can take against this POS that won't jeopardize you career?

I simply find it very difficult to believe that just because you're a cop that you have to give up your right to fight for your family and confront this [censored] face to face and make his life a miserable hell on earth for his actions.

Hell, no one's suggesting you taze the SOB in the nads, although personally I would buy you a beer for doing so.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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"&Melody, I've always understood the value of exposure. We're on it, but it isn't as easy to find info as it would be here."

And it is impossible if you never try. He can't limit his efforts to include only things that are easy. He wont make it that way. If there ever was a time to do some HARD things, this is it.

I am alarmed that the focus seems to be on less important things like the words he uses. That is a distraction from doing more effective things like finding and exposing to his family.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You're welcome, Mel.

It's a bittersweet feeling: I miss having so much contact with you, my friend, but obviously grateful I'm now in a place where I don't require so much of your time.

I hope you are doing well, and thank you for all you do, for so many (me included, still) smile

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Hugs to you, my good friend. You worked hard and your efforts paid off. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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