Hello everyone. Where do i start? My husband and i have been married for 6 years. We have two beautiful little girls (4 1/2 and 3). My husband has been on two deployments. The first one was in Iraq, and the second one was in Kuwait. Long story short. My husband has been in and out (training, school, coaching). He's a busy man. I was alone for most of the time when both our daughters were born. Being alone was becoming part of the norm. Through all of this, I�ve learned off not so nice side to my husband.( constant judging, pointing out the imperfections in me, ( I feel into depression with our second daughter. After a year in medication i was able to break through, and get back on my feet. Our marital problems worsen. He's always had a drinking problem, and I didn�t discover it after our 1st year of marriage. He would drink, and drink, and lie to me about it. Anyways - i became closer to friends, (this is where i found comfort) which eventually led to infidelity, on my part.

He found out about the affair and 6 months later we were divorced. He slowly came around again, and we both decided we were going to give it a second try. We are now married (again) and i feel like we are going down the same road. He will be activated AGAIN but this time he will be in Houston, TX. I really don't want to move out there, but will just to be with him. He has the anger outburst. It really scares me sometimes. I can go on and on, about why our marriage was broken, and how it led to infidelity. But at this point i feel like no matter what i say or do, there is no reasoning with him. He tells me that i need to submit to him, and listen to him and obey him. He does not make me feel comfortable with the idea of us having to pick up our lives here in RI and move to TX.

I've made amends with his family- I've asked for forgiveness numerous time, and he's even admitted that he contributed to the affair. He's admitted to being part of the problem. Just the other day he said that i shouldn�t bother trying to fix my relationship with his family because they can care less about me. Negativity is all i hear, and im on the verge of screaming from the top of my lungs because i simply cannot stand this anymore. We cant move on because he doesn�t want to. He's forgiven me or so he says he has but holds it against me. What should i do?

I appreciate all of your inputs... Thanks again

Welcome to MB.

What just compensation have you given your BH from your affair?

What boundaries have you put in place?

What is he doing about his drinking? His anger?

Also please listen to these clips on a military couple and alcoholics.
Radio clip on military marriage
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Tell us what you think.

I have cut all communications with my friends, and the man i had the affair with. I am constantly telling my husband where i am, and what time i'll be home if i go shopping. I don�t keep anything from him. If he needs my cell phone i give it to him without any trouble. I've been patient with him. I've read and educated myself about affairs, and how to win him back. He tells me that we are fine, and then have an anger outburst and treat me like garbage. After he treats me like crap, he expects to be intimate with me. I ask him how he feels about being intimate with me after everything we have been through and he tells me (A man's got needs). Why would he say that to me? Anyways, he hasn�t done anything about his drinking; he stops for a few weeks, and starts up again. He is very inconsistent, and no we have no boundaries in place. I dont know where to begin. I feel like i am fighting alone!

have you ever attended an AlAnon meeting?

Here is an article written by Dr. Harley about marriage to a drinking alcoholic: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5048a_qa.html

Regarding your affair, your husband did not contribute to your affair. You are responsible for your actions. Your poor boundaries around the opposite sex contributed to your affair.

I would strongly encourage you to attend an AlAnon meeting. They can teach you how to deal with your husbands drinking in a safe manner.

Did you listento the clips? Here's what Dr. Harley has to say.

Here's a clip of Dr. Harley talking about alcoholics.

Please listen to this clip.
Radio clip on alcoholics

We would appreciate a timeline including dates of these 2 most important events.

Thank you.

WELCOME TO MARRIAGE BUILDERS

I think that no women should be treated like that...It doesn't matter what he's family thinks about you,what it matter is your relation with him.As a women you need to be treated with respect and love, if he doesn't treat you that way you don't have to endure and to suffer.Think about your feelings and what you want. Don't let him command you.I wish you luck and all the best!