We understand. We've been there. We know it hurts.

What shall I do for finance? I can't afford paying all bills by myself. Should I ask a friend to be a middle person?

As long as your friend can remain neutral and act like a filter then yes.

Send them the IM training school link at the end of this How To Plan B properly

Can you get into a lawyer to help protect your finances?

Also in your Plan B letter you add an addendum for the finances.

to you Jessie, we understand and know the pain you feel. I agree with BH, get legal advice to see how best to protect yourself and what support you can obtain.

Hi BH,

The link you sent on "Radio clip on WH moving out and seeing OW Plan C" is perfect. Thank you! I also read "How to plan B correctly" and made a letter to be sent.
Unfortunately I'm not in the place I can get a lawyer. But I'd get a mediator when/if proceed to divorce.

Here is the letter I wrote. I had to make change in order to write like I usually do; broken English. Otherwise it looks too perfect and he'd notice the idea is not from my self. Please tell me what you think.


I apologize to you for the part that creating undesirable marriage that helped make your affair with XXX. You repeatedly told me that is not my fault. But I still believe you would't take such a extreme action if you are totally happy with me, life style or the way we were working on situation given to us.

You probably loved me but you were not in love with me for ?, I don't know how long. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and crate a better life for both of us. But I can't do it unless you end your relationship with XXX.

As I mentioned in the previous email, I will avoid communicate with you. My friend XXX, agreed to help make arrangement between us on financial issues. If you want ask questions or communication with me, please contact her. Her email is:
XXXXX

Anything relate about us/you triggers me returning the day of the shock and sometimes I'm unable to control my emotion regardless of where I am that make my life very unstable. The other day I called you regards to desktop problem, without my expectation I started have tears while leaving message and couldn't talk properly and I don't want me behave like that at work or with friends anymore. It is very important for me avoiding anything remind about you.

I still love you but the position I'm being placed is unbearable. If you are permanently separate from XXX in the future, I will be willing to communicate with you again. I want to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. We've been going through both wonderful times and difficult times together as partners, best friends and husband & wife.

Much love,
Jess

CC to XXX; I love XXX with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for him to give me the second chance even after such humiliation given by both of you.

Any luck on finding any more information on the OW?

Thanks reading.

There is a lot I lined through that made you look weak in a way you do not need or want to appear.

You are his wife.

You declare you willingness to create a great life with him , then set guidelines for communication and offer directions to get YOU back. You are the prize.

Your PS to the OW lets her know you are not done with him AND you do not give a disrespectful message to her about humiliation for her to feed off of and to use against you somehow.

Thank you for reading my letter. Ok,I've already sent as it was but stopped communication completely. It is hard but I got energy from it so I started packing his belongings and get out from my sight.

I managed expose some of OW friends in FB. Not much I could get information but thank you BrainHurts the information. I also email my WH yesterday morning about exposure to our mutual friends. He usually reply quickly but I haven't heard since then. I don't know its because of letter or getting shock from exposure. Anyway thank you all!

I have no contact with him. How long I should wait. I'm lonely and tempted to email him. Please help!

You do not contact him. Are you in Plan B?

Jessie, Maybe you should read the link to Plan B again. During Plan B you have no contact either verbal, written or physical with your WH.

In Plan B you will go through withdrawal and miss the contact with your WH husband. Find something to do to keep yourself busy, do one thing for you each day and post here whenever you need to ask questions or feel low.

Oh jessie, I really feel for you.

As a long-term Plan B'er, I have to let you in on something it took me a long time to understand.

In Plan B, you are not waiting. You stand by your boundaries. You have set the bar for what WH has to do to earn you back. You can NOT educate a wayward.

You leave him be to his waywardness, his affair, his lies.

You remove yourself from the drama. You let OW try to meet his needs. You no longer meet any of his needs. And he can no longer blame you for anything, because you are no longer part of his life to be blamed.

And you keep putting one foot in front of the other to heal yourself. Without WH.

If he ever decides to pull his head from his butt, maybe you will want to recover the marriage. And if not... you have healed and moved forward with a fantastic life without him.

I read the title:

"Plan A or B? or giving up marriage??"

Even if you do give up on your marriage, Plan B is still a great idea. Caracal says it well:


Plan B is for your healing. Every bit of contact will be painful to you. If contact ever happens, build stronger and taller walls to prevent it from happening again.

If you email him or call him.....you will not get out of the missing him and lonely stage.
You have to just imagine that it is what you are asking your wayward to do.....give up their 'beloved' affair. Cold turkey. Forever. Period.

See if you can do it yourself with your spouse.

Tough, tough, tough stuff.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I got strength holding myself up.

Only thing is that he is acting as if he is doing "right" thing. To be true to himself. He initiate exposure by himself because he want to be "true to himself". His family is upset and some friends giving support! to him.

I feel like I'm giving him away to OW by not contacting at all.

And though it feels like you are giving him to OW, guess what?
He gave himself to her already.

Just stay out of their mess. Let them give it a go and time will tell if the affair ends from your lack of stoking it or not.

Refocus away from your spouse and to your own future and maybe he will eventually find you and take the initiative to recover his marriage to you. If he doesn't, he isn't worth YOUR bother!

Thank you again. I just found out that his family is making up with him. They disapprove what he did but as part of family, they'd start treat him as before. Awwww.............

But I won't contact him. Just endure, at least for now.