You need to get him on here, he's making strategic mistakes.

Getting her an apartment because she shows some initial remorse? He'll be financing her love nest.

Show him the thread!

Affairists are like ADDICTS. Sorry one day, going back on it the next.

I suppose I would just tell him that Dr H has saved countless marriages after an affair when the wayward is truly serious about healing the damage. The Harleys are also experts in spotting the 'danger ones' who talk the talk but dont walk the walk and will just do it again.

It is an EXACT plan though. Any ideas of "oh I will do this bit, but not this bit" of Dr H's plan will NOT WORK.

Most marriages are WORSE after an affair and just limp along but the marriages recovered here to the exact recipe dont just SURVIVE but THRIVE.

I would also add that the posters here know what is like to be betrayed. To have that rug pulled out. When you posted earlier that he is 'definitely done' - I just thought "Hmm I've heard that before". I remember SAYING it, just a week before desperately wanting my husband back.

The plans use logic, not emotion to figure out what is salvageable. Of course it is more logical to save a family and forgo the horrendous expense of a divorce if she is truly remorseful. If they can have a 'thriving', safe and romantic MB marriage afterwards that is.

But.... she has to put to through the proper MB tests before he can even approach trusting her.

Midwestboy, please send your friend here. He is making strategic mistakes that are going to ruin any chance of reconciliation. We have been through this and while there are no guarantees, we can help him take the steps that will give him an advantage.

MidwestBoy. You are a good friend. Now tell P about MB so we can talk to him directly and stop him from making more damaging statements like the above.


I'm not sure why he would tell WW not to have any illusions about reconciling and that a 1000% effort is not good enough and then went on to give WW a list of conditions. This makes no sense.


MB has defined steps for WW to take to redeem herself and EARN back his trust and love. Send him here so he can be given the best opportunity to save his marriage and keep his family together.

Your friend is "sure" divorce is the only way he will go.... He has many friends around him confirming he is right to do it. Most of us think we would divorce if our spouses cheated. When we are presented with a plan that either helps us get a better marriage or be a better person we may try to work on marriage.

He can decide anytime to divorce but may be "deciding" now based on all those people around him.

Also unless he did not have relations with his wife at all for an extended time the pregnancy she had may have been his vs OM.

dan