Glove Oil you are right I was think of my self more.It was what I wanted and need not what we need.I know that I did not have any boundary with women.I need to make the a EP.You were spot on I will adment I was selfish.I have free will and made a bad choice I me glad to have a chance to repair.She is a very beautiful women I have been told.

I was think about my oldest daughter and my feeling if someone were to say it to her.So I said what I feel.That could be someone daughter.The funny thing they are my age.Let tell you about the 4 of july when my coworker was at the hardware store he ask me what was doing today. Told him and then he asked my wife what she doing late.Making a pass at her.I was pissed wanted to beat the tar out of him.If my kids were not there it would have been over. There is one coworker I can not stand. He looks a women like beat even my bosses is like that looking at women driving down the road. Only one coworker that is a good person he is a bit old then me. Never seen look at women at all.He is not married. Has god in his life.Strong Christian love working with him.

TJ,

Are you texting these posts?

There are so many grammatical and sentence structure errors that it's nearly impossible to follow your posts.

If English is your second language, then I understand the errors, but otherwise, can you clean them up?

Thanks,

And Wecome to MB....

TJ where'd you go?

I see your wife is still posting yet you disappear.

You need to take this seriously dude, you are the one who cheated on your wife and you are the one who needs to fix the mess you made.

So TJ, lets have a little talk about polygraphs here.

I know your wife has asked you for a polygraph. I highly, highly recommended this to her.

I understand you have vetoed that idea, siting finances as your reason.

I would put money on the fact that you have secrets you are still hiding from your wife, either about the A's she now knows about or others that she doesn't. I would put money on the fact that this is the REAL reason you have vetoed a polygraph.

IF this is true, and you are still hiding things from your wife, you have this golden opportunity to finally come clean and turn your life and your marriage around. She came here as a BS who was WILLING TO WORK THROUGH THIS. But to work through this you need to TOTALLY COME CLEAN. You need to tell her EVERYTHING you have done to destroy your marriage.

If you are planning to go to her and trickle truth her, and tell her a little bit more, but not all of it, save it. For one, she is wising up to your ways and she will KNOW just as I did that you are still being dishonest. Second, trickle truthing her is worse than just not telling her anything at all. And finally, I will STILL be advising her to get that polygraph to confirm what you told her, so if you didn't tell her everything you will be back to square one.

If I am wrong, prove it. Prove it by taking a polygraph. If you have told her everything there is to tell, and you have nothing else to hide, then you should WANT to take a polygraph to prove that to her, and take one more step toward making her feel safe and recovering your marriage.

As far as finances. If I remember right, you just stopped smoking. It can't take long of saving your former cigarette money to equal the cost of a polygraph! This is important to your wife, and it should be! She is willing to invest into recovering with you but you will never have a true recovery if there is still deception between you! So you either need to come clean and prove that you have with a poly, or if you have come clean, prove THAT with a poly. It will tell your wife that you realize this has been very devastating to her, and you are willing to do anything you can to make her feel safe again and to invest in the recovery of your marriage.

What do you say?

I read your post here.I will take the poly.I came clean.She very upset.i feel bad but I want to come clean take a poly. I wish I would have came here in the first place.i made to bad choices.The hotel was not all true.the Women was mean to me did not feel safe.i feel safe with my wife.I look up the price about 400 dallors.Not bad to tell true.i know it square one but I will do it. I real love her and the kids you people are so wright.what is my next step need to know.want to do this. Please pray for us I real need it.thank guys.Like my wife says ready to get hit by 2x4 but it will help.

Good job TJ, if indeed you have 'come clean.' PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 'totally' come clean here and do not just ellaborate on the hotel situation and leave something else out entirely. This type of trickle truth will make your efforts to recover and heal your wife from the damage ten times more.

Do the research and set up that poly. DO NOT try to figure out ways to deceive the test, it just isn't going to work. And then what, even if you got unlucky and it did, you just wasted $400 to be back to having a deceptive relationship with a woman who is beginning to wish she had never married you. That is not what you want. You want to have an amazing relationship with your amazing wife, so do this right.

Your wife can speak to the polygrapher and decide on what questions to ask. You do not get a say in that. My H told me 'you ask whatever you need to heal and feel safe again.' That is the attitude you need to take.

You also figure out how to pay for it, by not smoking, or not eating lunch, or selling your most prized fishing pole on ebay. You do NOT ask her to not get her hair done for a couple months to pay for it.

Also, keep coming back here so that you can be hit with those 2x4s. The reason I am posting on your thread is for your WIFE AND KIDS and not necessarily for you, because they deserve a better life than you have been dishing out to them. I am hoping you can step up to the plate to give them that.

I would love too.She told me that I need to take a std test that first.I need to give what she needs. Both car are broke.but I think we can do with one there the money.she needs this just as bad as I do. Any thing she asks. The hotel thing the women name was trisa my wife talk to her she was the getio one.Got in to a fight left and i called her and met.had not inten to have sex hung out all most all night and to her to where I was staying.the shop at the time.she just jump all over me one thing lead to anther. She was very mean to me. A void her like the black plague.she left and never here from here again. The contact stop there.

Yes I am a pig or my wife says to a man whore not sure what to do.Come clean and give that safe place. She alway did it for my. It has been great with her that 3 month I would do anything to be able to fill her love bank. If she only know good it feels. To have a over flowing love bank.I would love to do that. All my big deposit were not that big to now I am way in the hole will I ever be able to fill it up again

What are you doing to fill your BW's love bank?

Do you know her top EN?

stop saying OW was "mean" to you. no one cares. and it sounds whiny: "poor me, i committed adultery, and crushed my wife and children's hearts, but the OW was mean to me. poor little *me!*" your BW will not be impressed with that attitude at all. what, if she wasn't mean to you, you'd still be committing adultery?

Call for poly going on with it. Will get money for it today.Taking a std test all so.I sould have did this along time ago.

Keep it up TJ.

Now, I believe you have sent a no contact letter to OW#2. But you don't know OW#1 or how to contact her, is that right?

Have you ordered the book Surviving an Affair, by Dr Harley? If not, you need to order two copies, one for you and one for your wife. You need to read that book.

If your wife has given you Extraordinary Precautions to follow, you need to EMBRACE them. Not just follow them, but embrace them and understand that she is giving you a second chance here, there is no room for you to be resentful TO HER because you have to change your lifestyle to make sure you don't cheat and rip out her heart again. This is the bed you made.

And understand that EP's are a way to PROTECT your M, they are not meant to punish you and make you feel controlled. They are a way to protect you from making bad choices and to protect your wife and your M from further damage. So embrace them willingly and happily, because thats exactly what you want, isn't it?

Have you considered doing counseling with the counseling center? I would highly suggest that. Or at the very least, getting the at home MB program, or better yet the online program where you have a coach to work with you. I know these things all cost money, but figure out a way to get it done. DIVORCE costs money. Paying child support and spousal support costs money. Wouldn't you rather find a way to pay for counseling and marriage building programs than those things?

What have you done to find out what your wife's top EN's are? And what have you done to try and MEET her top EN's? Her love bank for you is at an all time low. You have talked about how great it feels to have your spouse meeting your needs, what are you doing to fill up her love bank again?

Step one std test done

That right I do not now how to get a hold of her.Gave the two books at home.should we read together or a part.She is petty mad the signs.she are EP is crap and done with.she wants not to work on confused

Your wife is VERY hurt. When she married you and said her vows to you, she meant them, and she thought you did too. Finding out that you have betrayed these vows multiple times has left her feeling like a fool, and like her entire life and marriage to you is a big joke. Not to mention the fact that thinking about you with another woman is enough to make her sick to her stomach, I'm sure.

Have you ever imagined if the shoe was on the other foot? If you found out your wife had indeed betrayed your vows, and while you were at work she met up with a couple guys who had their hands all over her? YOUR WIFE. Now, take that feeling that thought gives you and multiply it by about a thousand, because that is just a 'what if' and your wife has to deal with the reality of that.

If your wife is hurt, you comfort her in any way you can. If she gave you EP's but now says she could care less what you do because she is done, you do them anyway. If your wife says, I do not want to read SAA because I am just going to leave, you read it anyway. If your wife says, I hate you, you tell her you love her and you are sorry for hurting her and you continue to do whatever you can to fill her needs.

There is nothing to be confused about here. You have shattered your wifes heart, and pulled the rug out from under her life. She trusted and loved you and in return you cheated and lied to her. There is nothing confusing about her being angry and hurt and ready to walk out of your life. Why would she not be?

Got the poly set for Tuseday.I feel if I take it and past it over.I feel if I take and do not pass it over.I want to show her.I can be a good husband and a great dad. Love them so much.Why do we hurt the ones we love.I told her everything from the begin.I am taking the test because I love her.Coming clean is hard for me to do and do not know why.Trying to tell her that I hurt her seems not to be anything to her she has that wright.We had a facial last night it was fun.It really hard not know what she wants.I would not want to see her get hurt.I wish we would have take the right step to start in life.We had a shot gun wedding.She told me we were getting marraid.I remember the time we had.We started are lives with a black and white tv and lawn chair.She alway made the best of what we hate.I all way wanted more from her.Going and getting a job.I have resentment there.I know it is wrong and under stand why now see has so much love for the kids.I was very resentful of that.She did raised to very good preteen.I still wound how to do the things she is doing. I love her very much so.So I ask do I give it up or keep trying.I hurt her very bad.She never her me she is far from a whore.She is the sweetest thing I have ever seen.I feel very bad.I away thing can be fix but I do not know how to fix this one.How do I comfort her?The kids know something wrong I will love them a extra lot the will need it. The been throw to much.sorry homeof5

TJ,

Why are still not telling your BW the truth?

"I feel if I take it and past it over.I feel if I take and do not pass it over."

Why are you talking about not passing it, unless you think there is a reason you won't pass it???

Reminiscing about the past, feeling bad about your wrongdoings, saying your sorry....all these things are good. But ACTION is what you need.

Other than scheduling the poly, what are you doing to try and repair this? Have you read SAA yet? Have you developed EP's for yourself? Have you answered any and all questions your wife has about your affairs? Have you exposed your affairs to others in your life, so they can help hold you accountable and support your wife? Have you learned what your wife's top EN's are and what are you doing to meet those?

You need to answer all of her questions NOW and get the truth out before the polygraph. Then she can have any lingering questions answered at the polygraph. Stop playing head games and lying to her. Just tell her the truth.

If you love her, then BE A MAN for once and get the truth out the now. The polygraph can just confirm what you tell her. Stop playing head games with a defenseless woman, for crying out loud.

We are done till the poly no more post from me

Running from the forum now?