Can you be more specific? How are you stopping you from moving on?

I can see right now why you are not recovering. You don't believe you are getting the full truth, do you? When a BS is not recovering it usually means there is something wrong with the process.

Resus, do you feel that your husband has remorse over his affair? Or is he very defensive and hostile? How would you describe his attitude about all this?

That is what I said. He wrote that it was him. She was very ugly to him in response. Told him he was not the man she thought he was in response to the "not real" comment about what happened with them. I am sure he would send one.
I asked him that at the time (OWH). I have not spoken to him since the end of Feb. He said they had already had mc before. I THINK he does even though he did not say it.He was more concerned for my safety due to her behavior.

I can see right now why you are not recovering. You don't believe you are getting the full truth, do you? When a BS is not recovering it usually means there is something wrong with the process.

That is exactly why. That is what makes me afraid.


He is in between. He originally said it was not an affair.It was talking on the computer...that it gave him an ego boost and she told him things he wanted to hear from me. MC told him it was an A an EA. He has become angry at times if I bring it up. I told him he was not sorry. Then he wrote me a letter listing all the things he was sorry about. But, I think that is what bothers me too. How would a remorseful WS be?

This is why you are not recovering. First off, you don't have the truth. It is very likely he slept with her. This explains why he is insisting you take a polygraph test too. He is not remorseful if he won't even admit what he did.

The polygraph test should clear this all up. I would write up a list of questions and tell him he has an amnesty period to come clean before the test. But that you expect him to pass the test.

Your marriage doesn't have a chance unless he comes clean. And I think he has other ways of contacting the OW since he knows your spy methods.

Have you spoken to the OWH recently to see if he knows of more contact?

No, I haven't. I sent him a message after the BFF sent the friend request to him but, I have not had a response. He told me before that the phones are in her name.

That is what is driving me crazy. I feel he prob did too.
I also agree I should feel he is more remorseful. I can't believe he even found the time to meet her. We have never spent overnights apart, share one car and he drives to meet me for lunch each day I work.He is in school and is usually home when not there.Geez! most of the EP's that should be in place have always been in place for us. If he could sneak off to meet her then, what chance do I have of knowing now? I literally search the entire house, car, etc. on a daily or bi-daily basis. He was using my son's prepaid phone before...I have looked for those items too.

I think the poly should let me know one way or the other too. I found it odd that he wanted me to take one.I just figured if it meant he would take one then what was the harm.

I'm going to try and find a way of contacting OWH. She may have the phones and I can't get him by internet. I NEED the poly to get the truth one way or the other. I can't stand this limbo.

I'm confused. I thought you've already been in contact with OWH?

She hasn't talked to OWH since the end of Feb. She tried contacting OWH again after the BFF sent a friend request to no avail.

Okay, I was never able to get the OWH on the phone again. H did take a poly. He passed 2 out of 3 questions... It showed he was truthful about never having sexual intercourse of any kind with OW and that he never had any type of sexual touching. It was explained in full what contact was. He failed the last question, which was if he had now been completely truthful about the OW with me. Any thoughts?

Get a second opinion.

Your polygraph examiner appears to be using verbiage in his questions that may give off false readings.

My W wanted to use the same type of wording. The examiner explained wording questions in that manner will more times than not give a false reading.

Words like any, completely, questions related to feelings, etc. are not good.

In addition, questions for my tests were reviewed before the test was administered. I knew what questions were going to be asked before the test was administered.

Perhaps questions such as:
"Have you intentionally attempted to deceive me during this examination?"
"Are you afraid I might ask a question we have not covered in the prescreening?"
"With regards to your involvement with the other woman, physical or otherwise, do you intend on being truthful about your relationship with her?"

4-5 questions are good. My examiner also threw in some questions from left field that were not included in the prescreening. I.E. "While in church have you fantasized about teenage girls in your congregation?" He was good!


Get a second examiner. You deserve the truth.

He actually did ask him a few of those questions but,the examiner considered those "control" questions. He only took the 3 that I wanted specifically and asked him in addition to those. He was not asked anything about fantasies etc. I just found it odd that he failed that one question out of all the other questions. I received the report in the mail today actually. Thanks for your input Nit2winher