Have you contacted Marriage Builders for marraige coaching?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8116_coach.html

No, but Harley's radio show awhile back before the affair broke up. They told me to get back into Plan B, whcih is not out of the question. I will suggest the counseling. As I have said I have not followed everything to a T, but I sis not do a great Plan A in the beginning. I was so angry and upset that he was chooseing the OW over our family, then I exposed, then Plan B after a very short false recovery. Now here we are....

I wouldn't even Plan A for a month though. Why don't you Plan A for a week, and then enter Plan B. By your own admissions, you are feelings your LB drain. You are getting really run down.

I am. Tired. Thank you, I do have a fun wknd planned. Going out with college friends tomorrow night and a family party on Saturday. I like to keep busy still, when you sit alone there is too much to think about. Thank you for all of your responses, this is such a great sounding board and wish I found it on D-day. Not four months later. Now I am two years out and I hope that he is true to his word and it is over,but I always snoop, probably always will.

How are you going to make sure that you stick to Plan B this time? What were the problems you had last time?

A long plan A is a bad idea. There is a reason Dr H recommends it be kept short for women.

Aside from the fact that it WILL make you ill and drain your love bank, a short one will be more effective.

Men like to chase, they don't like to be chased. Plan A involves looking amazing, keeping cool and showing some steel.Being someone the WH would want to chase. Its hard to keep that up so a short EFFECTIVE plan A is better than a long one which will see you get drained and unable to keep it up. A woman who is worthy of being chased is someone who doesn't stick around to be cheated on.

A glimspe of paradise that is suddenly snatched away gives him something to work for.

I Agree. as I said before I am holding my control and making plans for myself. I have a life in some respects. I am going to make this short-lived. After two years I understand the behavior and what I am looking for. Wait and see for a short time, them close the blinds....ALready have summer plans with my boys without him. Believe me I am realist.

Could you please answer these questions?

Problem last time was my sisters (I have two) would handle the drop off, Pick up was always at daycare, He would screw around and say he would drop off at 1:00 and then he woudl show up an hour later. Huge waste of time for either one of them. Toward the end, I had him drop off in the driveway and I would meet them at the back door. A far enough walk where I could not see him. We stopped Plan B and started talking when lawyers got involved. That scared both us. The finality of it all. That was summer, and he broke up with her last month.

What can you do differently to ensure exchanges are done in a way that will have no contact between you and your WH?

How long are you going to be in Plan A? What is your start date for PLan B? Many would actually suggest(and I am one of them) that you should have been in Plan B a long time ago, since your WH isn't showing any willingness to recover with you and he isn't showing remorse.

Yes, I know. His remorse is light at any rate. I need to figure out where this is going, if anywhere. Short Window... I agree with all the principals here and as I said I have not followed to a T, but understand the strength and willing to implement if I do not see improvement. I have read so many threads and I appreaciate all of the advice. Again, just wanted to know if my husbasds reactions were normal for withrdrawel, he sounded depressed tonight.

If I never came to this sight I never would have though to expise to various people including the CEO about their affair. Luckily finding an org chart helped.

Did you think more about coaching with Dr. harley?
I hope you are doing good today

I have, but I think my husband needs therapy on his own. This is such a long road. There is no easy fix. I wish I could just turn it off sometimes. Take the boys run away and start over. (will never happen) but that is a daydream I have.
I am doing well, today. Better mood. Was out with old friends last night and laughed a lot.

Mason, if you can manage it, I think YOU would benefit from a call to the coaching center.

I just finished reading this entire thread. It seems by having contact with him off and on, you had given him the idea you are available for him, and that in itself is not likely to make him drool over you. Personally, I think you should have been in Plan B all this time, it would have given him a chance to miss you and lent an aura of mystique to you. But you need a SOLID Plan B, not just hit and miss. It means not reading his texts, not seeing or HEARING about him through others. You need to let others know your wishes too so they don't pass on information to either of you.

You ask if his response is normal, yes it's common. When the bubble bursts on their affair they usually do have a withdrawal period. This shouldn't concern you, it's like any other withdrawal and the only way for him to make it through it is to have NO CONTACT with her whatsoever. Including work. Even though she lives two states away and even though the job states "no contact" since the exposure was done, yet you yourself say they may see each other at an upcoming meeting! ??? That's not "no contact"!

You can make it through the loss of his job, even if it means losing your home, but you cannot recover your marriage when he is not committed to it 100% and remorseful!

It seems to me you are hanging on to a shred of hope of reconciling to the point that you are willing to throw overboard the MB principles to try and pursue it...which we have already told you is marital doom for sure. Why not give this marriage its best chance by following what the vets have laid out here for you and let them walk you through it instead of disappearing for months or not answering their questions or going on to do what you want to do? You were doing so well when you were in full plan B, I was so proud of you, you could SEE yourself getting stronger! THAT is the person most likely to recover her marriage! I really wish you the best with this, you have hung in there for a long time and been through so much, I'd love to see you have a good outcome...but you CAN have a good outcome, whether it results in a recovered marriage or just a healthy you on your own. You've already shown us a glimpse of that you!

I am done, all of you were right. He never left the OW. Just decided to cake eat more. I called the OW and told her everything, that we had been seeing each other and somewhat datingto try to recover our marriage. I threw him under the bus. I heard way too many details from her and he lies to her over and over again. She broke it off with him. I am sad because of the loss of hope. Funny, I kind of befriended the OW, we were sharing the same lies he told both of us. I hope she does not take him back, he had the nerve to tell her that our divorce would be final next month.
Neither of us had filed. That will change soon. Going back into Plan B and then Plan D. Called him out on all of his lies last night. He is a pathological sociopath to lie at this level.
Have not called mt attorney yet. Have to get myself together.
Trying to wrap my head around all of this again.

he told her he was meeting the kids next month when the divorce was final and that she would be moving to NJ so they could live togther. Fanatasy land. I broke that bubble. in the last 24 hours he lost the OW and his family. I want him to be alone.

Are you going to go into a dark Plan B?

Yes, when I thought he wanted to recover I went back into Plan A. I just made his life easier. He would spend part of the week with us and the rest with the OW. Throwing me crumbs to keep me hopeful. I was in a good place and I was sucked back in. I am amazed at the lies on both sides. Telling OW that I am greedy. Came back to reading posts and the one about Why WW get angry. He is angry at me for talking to the OW and telling her the truth. His boss thinks he is a pathological liar. I am upset today. Have to start splitting my boys up again. False hope is a terrible thing. But I saw glimmers of the person I loved. I do not want to be me anymore. It is D-day all over again.
I know all of the details now of his affair from her.
Had to come back and post. I now know I did everything I could to keep my family together.
I hope he ends up alone.

Going back and reading my posts makes me want to cry.... I am so stupid for believing he was in withdrawel from her. He never was away form her. I just want to be happy again. Waking up nauseated every morning again. I am so done.