Do you live in a town that has any planes, boats, cars or trains? Because if you do, anyone she meets on the internet can be there in no time. For example, I live in a city that has planes and yesterday I flew, rather cheaply, from Chicago, Illinois to my town.

People meet on the internet and hook up all the time. It is no great feat if they live in a country that has transportation.

So it doesn't matter if she knows local men or not. A long distance man can be local inside of 2 hours.


Sounds great!

Damned right you should, and right now is as good a time as any. It should've been done all at once to give a tsunami effect, but who's to say two tsunamis can't occur.

Get on it, then get back in that house.

It's man up time, pal!

I just wanted to get away from it all...run away.
I knew I could be with my family, stay with them, get their support & I could have people to talk to. Me staying at home would be lonely. I know that I haven't done anything wrong. I think I wanted to take the high road & be the better person.

I have to admit, when I first confronted her..I told her to get her '[censored]' out by Friday. lol I'm not one to get angry at people I know, so it felt weird to say that to her.

But I think letting her stay there..it makes her feel even worse. I know she feels that I am a good guy & that most people would have kicked her out. She has told me that I am a great guy that does not deserve her.[/quote]

Seriously, just get her lying behind out of your house.

Even if she IS too skanky to attract local men who know about her, why should she enjoy the comforts of YOUR home while sending dirty pictures to strangers online while in YOUR home?

I appreciate you want the support of your family but having a wayward in your house is a disaster.

Bring some family home to stay with you for a while. See her off.

p.s. I have lived in towns that did not have planes and it was very easy to drive my car to a town that DID have planes and get on the plane.

So unless you live deep in the Amazon rainforest of Brazil and wear a grass skirt to the jungle every day, she can probably manage to hook up with her OM.

Are you a member of an Indian Tribe in the Amazon Rainforest?

This is a GREAT IDEA!! Bring home some female relatives like your mother, sister and some aunts. That will get her out for sure!

Don't credit a wayward this hardened with finer feelings.

She simply told you that she appreciates your being soft on her because she enjoys taking advantage.

I like this as well. She will be MUCH less likely to give you any flack about her leaving if she has someone else besides you to face during this.

Tough. You reap what you sow.

Her language isn't foggy though. She knows exactly what she wants. Whatever she can get.

I'd do the following:

1) Move all money from joint accounts somewhere she can't access to protect savings etc
2) Print off your list of conditions and a copy of the NC letter she needs to write for OM
3) Round up a posse of female relatives and get a VAR to record your confrontation of WW to protect all of you from false allegations
4) Give her your demands and tell her if she can't be a married woman she needs to get out. You'll help her pack. Or send her things on.
5)Change the locks and install deadbolts.
6) Go see a lawyer and file for a D.
7) Get an IM and implement Plan B to prevent any more manipulation from her.

Yes as a fairly recently busted WW the most offensive and painful thing to me was being exposed. I was indignant. I yelled and screamed and told him it was abuse. And then alone in my bed at my parents house I realized that not only was it his right to do so, it had to happen. I would still have lied and lied to save face to OM because my head was all the way up my toucas. That door would have remained cracked open forever to soothe my hurt feelings the next time things got tough and I wanted something easy.

I was feeling sorry for myself at first like she is now. But I have bootstraps and am using them. She is a big girl and needs to fully own what she did.

Part of me wants to believe that she is remorseful...

She has told me that she is very sorry for hurting me..that she cried all Sunday night about how she has hurt me...

The part I can't seem to understand is that she doesn't feel that the relationship with the other guy has anything to do with us.

Her mom even emailed (after I sent her all the proof) that she didnt feel that we were meant for each other & that the other guy has nothing to do with us.

I just can't figure out how this other guy doesn't play a role.
I understand that he as a person may not, but her actions of getting involved with him are surely intangled with what is going on in our marriage.


---
There are several friends of hers that have no idea of what has happened. Should I give them proof of what I have found..transcripts.....she told me that I shouldnt have sent the transcripts....that i should have just told her friends that she was a "lying cheater".

That part of you will get some sense in Plan B.



If she's really remorseful she will do what it takes when she gets your conditions.

If they were just crocodile tears, then she won't do zip.

Just not remorseful enough to stop though. I would say you are getting distracted with nonsense again.

LEt's get back to the issue at hand. Unless she agrees to make radical and demonstrable changes, this is hopeless.

Has she agreed to make radical changes?

Jeff, you aren't listening. None of this has to do with you, or the other guy, or the other guy, or the other guy, or the other guy, etc., etc., etc.

It has to do with her. This is the way she has led her life for 37 years, and it's highly unlikely it will ever change. The sooner you embrace this for what it is, the better off you will be. You married a broken woman. That's where you are. Harsh? Yep. But that's where you are. Sorry pal.

I tell it like I see it. Hope you can handle it. I do feel terrible for you though.

No not yet, I've only received the text in one of my previous posts. She is responding to my letter that I sent to her.

Should I write a letter that lists what changes have to be made?
Then she can see if she will agree to it?

I hear you. It is all about her. She is a narcissist.
I hate to even call her that...but it seems so true.

She did tell my mom that babies seem to like her..that they like pretty women.

I remember one of her criticisms of me, was that she wanted a relationship like her parents had....that her dad would do anything for her mom. He just did things for her mom & didnt have to be told to do them.

She has already told you tonight she does not want to get back together with you. Do you think sending her conditions will change that?

Why not send her your conditions tonight and lets just see if she will start making radical changes. I would also tell her that you will be filing for divorce regardless. Otherwise, I doubt she will take you seriously. I know I wouldn't.

She needs to know that the ATM is closed. If she works on making radical changes even though she knows you will file for divorce, that might be promising.

Right, she wants you for a pool boy but not a husband. Do you want to be her boy?

No I don't want to be her boy......

Hearing all your comments have put a reality spin on this for me...
being with her, I was starting to believe that something was wrong with me since I had a hard time being the person she wanted me to be for her.

It feels so weird that she could just think of casting me aside....b/c I wasn't passionate or loving or whatever....when I have been there for her so many times.

She has had 3 laparoscopic surgeries (lap band, surgery for endometriosis, & surgery to repair lap band after endo surgery).
I was there to support her thru all of that. I mean she had the last 2 surgeries, about last October or so. So it hasn't been years since I supported her thru a difficult thing.

Jeff, this is something so similar to what my last one told me. And it's very telling if you really stop and think about it. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

If I were you, and you are so inclined to, I would just finish whatever exposure you want to do right now (and I mean right now), get back in the house with a relative like indie suggested, and move on. File first thing on Monday, and have her served as quickly as possible. If you really have some reason to try and save this, you need to throw an avalanche at her, and let her suffer the consequences of her actions. Lord only knows why you would want to try and save this, but you need to get mad dogged mad and be extremely aggressive here. If there is any indication that she is willing to do the right thing, then she wouldn't have a problem with this.

I'm putting major money on her having a problem with this.