Plan B will make that rollercoaster come to a crashing stop. For you atleast.

I will expose some more.....should I share the transcripts with the people that I expose to?

I don't want to hurt her....she says that people knowing the details is cruel.

Sure, I would expose and send the transcripts. Otherwise, she will just tell people you made it up.

Ok, I will expose some more. I think I will be very selective on who I tell though.

I know, I know...why am I even trying to save this.

1) She is a cheater (no doubt about that)

2) She can not have our children (her endometriosis will come back & her doctor said that she will need a hysterectomy eventually)

3) She has narcissistic personality

4) She is unrealistic expectations for what a husband should be for her.

5) She has problems with anger control, esp after drinking. She has talked to me like I am a dog. Every time we go out, I have gotten myself prepared to see some sort of melt down from her.

6) She drinks to much. This is my opinion. She likes wine a lot & has a glass full 3-5 times a week.

7) She has a health problem. Since I have known her she has taken high blood pressure medicine. She is about 60-70 lbs overweight. We have struggled with this issue for quite a bit. She has had a lap band for 4 years now. She goes to the gym currently. I'd like fer her to be thinner & healthier...not only for herself, for helping her have children & for me. Again this is just my opinion.

When I look at all these...there isnt much there.
I'm not trying to demonize her.
But I still want to save her & be there for her....

Jeff, you know there is nothing here to save. But don't take my word for it. Send her the letter with your conditions and see if she will make a radical change. I would love be proven wrong.

Do you agree you need to file for divorce on Monday, regardless?

No I am not going to file Monday. My family is supporting me with this. My feelings are that I will wait till the end of this month.

I know, I know.

This past Thursday, she friended the guy on Facebook.
Then she tells me today that he is out of the picture.
Part of my letter to her had a No-Contact letter within it.

as far as I know, she isn't talking with her mom, which I think could really help her. I haven't contacted her mom since Sunday, so I have no idea.

I hate all this. A month ago she & I were at a dinner party for a couple that got married (she works with the bride).
My wife has photos uploaded of that event...not of me with her, but of her with some of her friends...the typically close head shot type.

I just can't believe she was contacting this guy back then. I can see though, how she became more distant from then until now.

Jeff, I would just file so she knows you're serious and not playing in the sandpit with her anymore.

But MOST importantly to protect you.

If your wife IS sorry and 'will always love you' as she claims, she will get the D process stopped.

I'm wondering if I suggest that we at least see a counselor together...

I wonder why when I first confronted her, she started to explain that we do not mesh together & that we were not meant to be together.
Her mom told me the same thing. I assume she explained to her mom this & her mom accepted it as an explanation.

I guess this is the 'fog' talking?

Ah she doesn't 'mesh well' with her husband. Funny that she chose you then. Its not even a real complaint that you can take action on.

Waywards hate giving real complaints with accurate instuctions. Things you can actually change. They like to torment you with stuff you can't do anything about:

I just need space
I just need to find myself
Its like I love you but I'm not in love with you
I'm just not happy
We just don't seem close
We have grown apart
I was always miserable

(All of these are lies designed to keep you under their control)

All of these lies are vague, irrelevant and a perfect way to keep you in Plan Hope where the wayward can use and abuse you.



And neither can a marriage counsellor. A marriage counsellor can't change her. I don't know any that have magic wands and most marriage counsellors are basically incompetent even with honest and honourable people.

Your conditons include MB counselling anyway.

File for a D and leave the personal changes she must make before its final up to her.

We have had issues before. She has had melt downs about us & her unhappiness.

One of the complaints or issues is the fact that she doesn't think I care about her or put her first in my life.

The other complaint is that she feels that I don't show her enough passion.

She would give examples....not removing the celluphane wrapper off of the flowers that I give her, not asking her about the toppings she wants on her pizza...etc
She would get teary eyed when she explain these.

My Baggage:
I do have to admit that I felt less passion for her due to some attractiveness needs that I wanted from her. She is a pretty woman but has a weight issue since I have known her. I never expected her to have a supermodel frame, just get down to a healthy weight. I know this is a sensitive subject for people, so i feel bad even discussing it.
I felt that we tried to address the issue. We both got a personal trainer then quit after about 6 months, we worked out together in our home, for the past 8 months or so she has gone to the same personal trainer we had initially, she has since changed over to a local gym....and she even got a lap band 4 years ago. I thought that we tried everything we could do so she could beat this. I felt confident that she could beat this issue & that I would get my need met. She has lost some since then, I can't really tell. Before I met her, she admitted that she would purge after eating, so it has been an issue her whole life. When I met her, she was going to her local gym & really had the attitude of getting herself healthy.

I remember one time that I brought up this issue...and she told me it was my fault she was this way. That she deals with issues by over eating & doesnt feel like pursing it. It was my fault since I can't give what she needs from me.
Anyway, this has been eating me up inside. I didnt want this issue between us to be a catalyst for her to do the things she has been doing. I've never yelled at her, never called her names,...I always thought I have been supportive as anyone could be.

Jeff, what's your plan?

Pool boy or man up?

I will plan to file.

I am a man....not someones pool boy.


I feel guilty if I ever pushed her to do all what she has done...
I don't want my issues of her weight or attractiveness to be a reason why she decided to do this...

But on the other hand, she admitted that she would have never told me what she had been doing.
In one of her texts, she told me that she was simply leaving me, she wasn't leaving me for another man.


I've seen her facebook acct...she has pictures of friends, outings, etc. Even pics of her at a party that I took of her.
This was all happening like a normal life even though she was involved in her online escapade all along.

Its hard for me to understand how someone can separate that in their life. If I was cheating on her, I just don't think I could go out & fun with my friends, go to dinners with her, etc.

Its hurtful to know that she had a dual life like this.
And that she was prepared to separate without me ever knowing.

She feels that her online thing has nothing to do with the problems she & I have...knowing she feels this way...bothers me.

That is what she wants you to BELIEVE so you won't blame her. If you look at the other threads all the other WS's say the same thing. She is conning you.

Jeff, we've ALL heard that nonsense 'its all YOUR fault' I'm a lying cheating scumbag!

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

If you read the following thread you'll see that waywards make an ART F0RM out of convincing you it is.


Never Take the Word of a Wayward

She just texted me saying that I lied to her when I said I was thru exposing.

I had let her brother know at the beginning of all this (last Sunday).
I guess he has just gotten around to contacting her now.

She feels it is inexcusable for me to involve him.

She thinks that I am driving her away from all those that can help her. That she is going to have to run away from all those that love her.

She also mentioned that this website & the books aren't helpful for everyone or can't be applied to everyone's situation.

Jeff, please stop posting her spin, it helps no one. Stick to your plan and pay no mind to her spin. Do something productive like take out the trash.

"I am sorry your adultery is upsetting you"

Switch off your phone, get a nap/ sleep/you time then make arrangements to go see a lawyer.

This is all so upsetting to hear her this way...

But I have been warned at least, that she could respond this way...


I told her that if she ended it with the other guy, the exposure would stop. I guess she thought she could friend him on facebook and that wouldn't count.

I wonder if I should send her a letter telling her that I did not lie about exposing. That I emailed her brother initially when all this came to light...that I didnt contact him after I told her I would stop exposing.

I thought I could tell her in the letter that I am done. That i know she has lied about the guy not being in the picture, since she friended him on facebook.




Here is what I was planning to write to her:

I initially wrote to your mom & brother on sunday...just basically asking for help.

They both replied back wanting to know what the problem was.

I did tell them all what I knew. Todd wrote me back Wednesday saying that if I wanted to call him, that I could. He gave me his personal email & cell phone number.

That was it. I have not exposed anything more. I have not lied at all.

You have though. I know that you have friended this guy on Facebook on Thursday night.

You told me it was over with him & that he was out of the picture.

I am done with this. I have tried to help you as best as I can.

This is an addiction that I wanted to help you with.

If someone was taking cocaine or heroin, it would be hoped that people would come to help them...at least I hope they would.

The exposure is over, you can be safe with that. You won't have to feel anything else about this.