Letting her skate without suffering consequences for her adulterous actions is NOT being a good guy, it's being an enabler. You're better than this and I hope you're finally starting to realize it.

Get back in that house tonight if possible (tomorrow at the LATEST), and don't give one rip roaring crap what she thinks about it. It's not your problem.

It's hers.

Should she be allowed to stay in a spare bedroom?

GO HOME. Put your jammies on and get into your own bed. My husband snores, too. (He says I do but I've never heard it ) Put a Breathe Strip on the bridge of your nose. End of snoring.

Bottom line: GO HOME.

Not if she continues to display this type of disrespectful behavior under your roof! Oh no Hell no!

If she wants to cat around like a [censored] in heat, then she can do it elsewhere, but NOT under your roof.

Like we have been telling you, this is her character flaw, not yours. Your character and morals are in tact. Why would you want to continue to aid her in enabling this kind of bullcrap under the roof you provide?

Makes no sense to me.

If she has a problem with this, then tough. Stop abetting and financing your broken heart. Think about it. Why should you do this?

I left my house b/c I needed space... I just couldn't stand to be around her at the time. Now a week later, I think I would be ok with her in the house.

I moved all my stuff out b/c I thought that this is it...she has gone way too far and this is over. After I read about her telling this uy that she loved him, the cybersex, and them making plans to meet...I had to get me anD my stuff out. She even told the guy that my previous M ended b/c of cheating.

My family doesn't mind me moving back home, but they want her to move out.

In someone else's house, not yours.

Being an enabler is not a "good guy."

X2, Jeff. Claim YOUR house. Claim your home. Do not enable this behavior. And, do not be a doormat for it either. Do NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. WW wants to leave? Let her. YOU do not leave. Got that?

Being a good guy...hand 20.00 to a crack addict. Feel good?

GO HOME. It's in your best interest to be there. If the HellCat doesn't like it, SHE can get out.

Got it, Jeff?

You "think you would be okay with her in the house". Well, are there any conditions or are you just willin to roll over and accept an "open marriage"?

The MB plan A Would be a carrot and stick approach to your marriage and her affair.
You say on page 1 you read on page 1 you read dr harleys books. Did you read Surviving an Affair?

Personally, I think you should just divorce her some you don't have kids.
And I say this as I finish a 10 year marriage in divorce. I know how difficult it can be.
But please understand: this lady does NOT LOVE YOU.
If she did she would not hurt you this much. She is selfish. Some people are.
The question for you is how much of your life do you want to invest with her?
How much time?

Pretty consistent advice, huh, Jeff?

Now it's up to you. You do or you don't.

Your choice.

you are trying to pacify her. why would you want to do that? the point of exposure is ... well, exposure! she's feeling the flames of the consequences of her own behaviour. that's the point.

do not send this letter. i'll let the vets take over and say why & what to do.

Ok I will not send the letter. I will send one soon though that says that I am done accepting this from her.

That if she cared about me she would have asked where I have been staying at all this time.

I'm wondering if I should tell people she works with, or would that be seen as revenge?
Part of me doesn't want her to get away with saying that "well, we couldn't seem to work it out...we found out we were not meant for each other..". That can of BS bothers me.

Actions mean more than words in these situations Jeff. Just as whatever she says, you should not listen - equally she wont listen to you.

Instead of threatening to take action in a letter, simply do it.

Send her your MB conditions by all means, but back it up with actions such as filing for a D and moving back home. Take support with you to get her out of the house unless she commits with actions.



Usually only recommended for a workplace affair or if they are using a lot of company time and resources to chase their affair.

What would be the MB conditions?

Should I at least expose to some more of her friends?
I know how to contact them using their facebook email address.

I haven't looked at all of the transcript...I sometimes wonder if I am in a nightmare.

http://pastebin.com/w5U0YL40

Its in a reverse order timeline...I've removed the names.

1. Who effing cares where she goes. Not your problem, bud. Go home and tell her to leave.

2. Remove her from any joint credit cards where you are the primary card holder. When she leaves, expect her to blow through whatever cash and credit you guys have. Beat her to it and don't waste time feeling guilty over it because she'd do it to you.

3. File for a divorce.

4. Don't even think of having sex with this woman should she come crying back. There's a host of STDs out there, and (even with the IVF issue) you don't want to risk bringing a kid into this trainwreck. She's not mother-material, in other words.

Jeff, expose to people who has the biggest influence over your WW. To those whose opinion and argument matter to your WW.

Dr Harley, the founder of this site, says about exposure:

Read more Here

By exposing to the right people you most likely are going to kill her affair(s).

Your conditions - MB conditions to even consider the recovery - are uttered here more that once: NC with these POSOMs, complete change of behaviour around opposite sex and willingness to work towards reconsiliation. Please re-read MelodyLane's and others' suggestions again. There is no marriage left to be saved. But you can save your future. With her or without her. It is a powerful message that you send - you won't let her to tramp over you. Plus you can save her.

My H hesitated to expose and once he did I felt ... saved. I was so weak to stop it myself. I was so full of myself that I didn't even know myself, I was tired of myself and the situation. WS's are not good in common sense and constructiveness, they only know how to destroy. They are floaters most of the time. Look at it that way - she needs someone to help her, by exposing her deeds you can help her. Reality hits home after exposure.