As a BS who also experienced a FR I know your pain.

as some have said 'adultery is like getting knife to the heart, a FR is like they are looking you in the eyes twisting it deeper'

The ultimate betrayal X2.

I feel for you. So sorry.

Although we are in R now, at the time I discovered the A never stopped, about 2 days later I realized her LB balance with me was gone and I was completely out of love with her.

Realizing this made the decision to D easier in some ways.

Maybe you haven't gotten there yet since this news is so fresh.

Examine your heart. As painful as it is at this time, I asked myself 'what would I be gaining by continuing to Reconcile?'

The answers I came up with were grim. I had lost my dreams.

Tough realization.

Prayers to you.

I had two years of false hope. I am grieving the loss of keeping my family intact, I am grieving the loss of the husband I knew. I now know I am really alone. I have cried over this man since I was 16. On some level I still love him, but not like this. He would have to move Mt. Everest to come back to us. He was never willing to do the work. Lack of remorse was dead on. I should know better. I love my boys to death, but I wish he was not their father.

Don't feel to bad Mason, he really is alone, and all the crap he does is just distractions to that fact.

No matter how many warm bodies he deceived he is really missing and he is alone

Living and loving someone is allways a work in progress, even with the best of us

Desception starts with the deciever first, as they deceive themselves

Don't worry he really is alone, and you can pity him

Thank you. Funny, he just sent me a text asking how the boys are? Does he really think I am going to discuss the boys with him like I used to. I feel like he does not undertsand the ramifications of his actions and is now in the poor me stage.

He remembers Plan B and not speaking with one another.

I wish I could take my boys and jump into someone else's life.

Mason, why did you not follow MB? Why did you enter Plan A for sooooooo long? And befriending OW? Are you kidding me? How could you befriend someone who CHOSE to commit adultery with your WH?

I think you should get into Plan B even if you have chosen to go full on Plan D.

In Plan B. By talking to the OW and comapring all of the lies in wierd wasy has been therapuetic. Strange I know. I just needed to know the depth of all the lies. I told her everything on my end and it felt good to let her know their realtionship was a lie. I want him be be alone. Me talking to her will not last. Beleive me.
So I am in Plan B- and plan D soon. Giving myslef some time to clear my head. I already have an attorney- just need to get some of the emotion out of it.

I think I stayed in a Plan A state for so long because I was lonley. I enjoyed our family time together and I belived on some crazy level that he wanted to come back. Believe I was still like, this is not right. He should be remorseful and grateful he had a chance to save his family. He was none of that. I ate his crumbs as he through them on the floor and wlaked out the door. I regret it and my self esteem is kind of low right now. But I feel some solace that I just hope I blew up their relationship.
It hurts but I have to make myself happy again. I just hope that comes sooner than later.

Have you sent him a PBL? Have you cut off all contact with your WH?

Not only did you damage yourself emotionally, you also propped up their affair. You may have inflicted a temporary wound right now, but I can almost guarantee that your WH will convince OW to take him back. And YOU will be their enemy.

The best thing for you right now is to get into a true Plan B. Take the steps, get an IM, and pull the trigger.

Not wasting time with a Planan B letter. I am just never speaking to him again. There is no hope for my marriage. That is what I am delaing with is the loss of hope. that is all I had to hold on to. I may have wounded the affair but he can be her problem. I have really done everything I could. He hated Plan B last year. I really have nothing left. I am tired, sick stomach, but I would be the enemy anyway.
I have already been called the greedy, crazy wife.
What's left. D-day was August 2010.

I have made mistakes, but now I need begin the long process of legal battle, and rebuilding my life. So many changes lie ahead and I am scared. But this is the inevitable.
Trigger is pulled. No contact.

So you're not going to do an actual Plan B? You are going to continue to limp along and feel horrible.

Get yourself an IM, and do this Plan B properly. It will be the BEST thing for you. It really will. There is no such thing as Plan B lite.

What would you need to do to get into a real Plan B? How are you going to do child exchanges? How are you going to communicate with him about visitations, finances, etc? This is going to be a real long road, and the better you prepare now, the better.

I am going to speak with my attorney, last year he decided to stop paying me and we were about to file a motion. He started paying again and thru his attorney he know he has to continue support until we come up with a settlement. Exchange of the kids will be he will drop them off in the driveway and I will meet them at the back door. When school starts that will be tough with soccer games. Need to worry about that later. Divorce will be underway by then.

He will be a 4 day a month dad. I feel bad for my boys with this. They were really enjoying having him around more.

I know I will start feeling better, I did last time. Just need to get to that place again. and i do hope that they do not get back together. He was about to introduce her to the boys. Crazy how woudl I not have found this out.

This unfolded in a better way, atleast she know he is a cheater and a liar to her as well. She can do whatever she wants with that. I am glad I told her the truth.

My advice is to get into a proper Plan B. With an IM, the PBL, etc.

I am with scottie 100%
the plan B letter is more than an expression of feelings, it is a commitment to yourself of the path you have chosen

Your farting around with the commitment you have to maketo yourself

All the actions that are laid out in the plan B process are important and nessesary for your own self esteem and respect

Don't deny them to yourself

What would I even write or say at this point. I si hate to admit this and I feel like a fool, but if he turned his life around, I would think about it.

Yes of course you are still entagled with the fantasy. He has his own

Well then, you have your answer. You write a glowing Plan B letter, one pretty much like the one in SAA, and you go full force Plan B. Worst case scenario, you end up personally recovered and divorced. Doesn't sound half bad, does it?

You are right. I have my own fantasy. I need to think about my life and fuuture with someone new. I had false hope for two years and he is a serial cheater.

I enabled his affair and made his life easy especially with the kids. I need to get into my head that he does not care about me and he has abused and taken advantage of me for a long time.

I need to revisit the letter in SAA.

I am so crazy that I still love this person or the person he was. He will never be the husband or father to my kids like I want. Not sure what I am holding on to.

Thanks for listening.

It takes time away from your WH to see what you really have left. And sadly, as long as he is wayward, there isn't anything of worth.

Get yourself into a solid Plan B and in no time, you'll begin to feel much better.