Ok, I feel better now. I'm not a bitter person, at least I hope not. I tend to think that I am a calm & loving person. I'm one of the few men that I know that cries over stuff like this.

She can move in with one of her friends, who cares.

I am going to talk to a lawyer about garnishing her wages in order to help pay for the mortgage (a fair amount, since she won't be living there). This is until we can sell it.

She will have to pay for the cleanup & repainting of the house so we can put it on the market.

She will have to pay for some of the attorney fees

She will also have to pay me back for the IVF (invitro fert) treatment that we had planned back in January. We paid up front. My part was nearly $9,000. So if she gets a refund, I want this back.

Uhhh, as gently as possible......

Dude, I would not yet start writing checks against all the funds you think you will be extracting from WW.

As badly as you feel you have been screwed and abused by her actions, such treatment will pale in comparison to the treatment you will get by the biased court system in this country.

If you are bound and committed to pursue Plan D, locate the nastiest, most tenacious lawyer in your geography (and it will help it it's a female), and consult right now.

BUT THIS PART IS NOT A SUGGESTION:

Do not (as in never) have any face-to-face contact with skanky without having in your possession and "on" a micro-recorder. She (calculating, and already in possession of the home) is a prototypical conjurer of mostly mythical domestic violence complaints against her BH. Those of us who have fought those battles will display our scars if necessary.

What happened to the MB conditions that MelLane posted to you?

No counselling!!! Noooooo.

OK, so we know she wont meet the conditions, but might as well offer them... When she says no, say her refusal to act as a married woman is why youre kicking her out.

If you dont want to offer, just say she's out because of her affairs.

Oh and just ignore what her family & friends say. One part shame and two parts ignorance.

"Oh I agree that husband and wife conversations should be private. But discussions with a stranger should not be so racy and embarassing for everybody. You are so right about that"

"I say live your life as though people will end up reading about it in the papers. That's what I do. Are you an honest and open person in YOUR life too?"

These are some replies I found useful. If you can be bothered. Just dont pick up the phone to these nasty enablers otherwise.

Hey JR... I don't know how to say this.
There is nothing at all unreasonable about the MB conditions indiegirl reposted

Look I am a WW. I was discovered in May and exposed in June and now mid-July I am here at my father's home taking a long hard look at my life, marriage, decision making and future plans.

My BS isn't sure what we wants to do or whether or not he wants to remain married to me. I will tell you though... I have given him EVERYTHING he has asked of me. I have bided my time and given him the opportunity to come to an honest decision about what he wants to do. I could be waiting here awhile. Let me tell you I really struggle with not crawling up his butt to apologize, lament, and beg every 5 minutes.

I have taken the opportunity I have been given while living with my parents to obtain IC to work on me and go to AlAnon meetings to see how I feel about his relationship with drugs and alcohol. It has been terrifying to imagine what could becoming around the corner for me. It has been the battle of my life. I may find that I can't be married to him either.

HOWEVER. I have left nothing hidden from him. Nothing. And let me tell you he is not pleased about AlAnon. My darling BS deserves my honesty and my best work. Even if that honesty costs me the marriage. I have done a terrible thing to the love of my life, but I have not given up. I will continue to give him ANYTHING he asks of me and offer what he doesn't even think to ask of me.

If she really wants to save your marriage and herself she will gladly accept these terms and ask how else can she make amends to you. I just want to show you what a remorseful WW is willing to do. Do not accept anything less.

Thanks, I'm glad that there are people here that know how to deal with these things....

I don't think she will be willing to save anything.

We don't have children & she is unable to have any.

So maybe my Wayward wife is right, she is going thru a mid life crisis in a way.

Jeff,

The concept of MLC "Mid Life Crisis" is not supported around here.

Besides, even if that "theory" were true, it would mean a drastic change in personality. She's always been like this. Trolling on the internet for men is a way of life for her, it has been for years even before you met her.

Not so much a "midlife crisis" (if there is such a thing) as a general lack of appropriate boundaries around men.

I'm guessing you were guy #15 when you met her and you rightfully assumed that there wouldn't be a guy #16. She never really made that agreement. Once she got what she needed from you, she moved on--kind of like trading in a car.

She was just broken to begin with and the two of you just have different ideas of how she should live her life.

Wow, great minds think alike?

Yes, you are right...

She was on the internet quite a bit when I met her.
She had a profile on a few dating websites.

She mentioned to me, that before she met me, that she had met some of the guys in person from online.
But that it never went anywhere though. Some she liked, some she didnt. Some didn't meet her attractiveness qualities, and she said that some men thought that she didnt meet theirs.

I met her on a dating site. It was by chance actually. I had been on E-Harmony, nothing panned out from it. So I just happened to look at some others & there she was.

Later on, we tried to avoid answering if anyone asked us how we met.


----
I don't know if this makes a difference or not...but she did read what I call 'romance' novels.

She has the series for 50 Shades of Gray, & others I would assume are like that.

She says that the novels don't have anything to do with this.

Jeff ... i just read your thread. I just wanted to point out a few things from my experience here with MB.

1. DOnt judge your wife by her words .. ONLY her actions.
2. People that have problems with exposure are either perpetrators of adultery or have never experienced the pain that comes with it.

Your wife has left you to the wolves .. and is stringing you along for as long as she can. Cut her off .. and let HER do the heavy lifting .. giver her HER space and time to think somewhere other than YOUR home. I am sure she has parents ... I am sure she has friends .. heck she could probably call up one of her OM's (sorry being a bit cheeky there).

I read your sig and see you say she reads romance novels ... they are a source of CONTRAST agasint you. They are womens porn. IF she is at home and read those all day you can be sure that she is meeting her own needs for SF without you too .. and that fantasy is pouring into her online adventures and seeking of OM while your hard at work all day.

STOP being a doormat! Man Up!! ***EDIT***
MNG

I found out some things awhile ago.
Seems my mother-in-law is backing my wife in her decision.



My Dear ( Wifes Name ),

This situation is on my mind almost all the time. I keep thinking of things I want to say to you. I don't want this to last much longer (our not talking to each other). Please don't beat yourself up about this. You made a mistake, but it can be forgiven. I am putting it behind me. We have got to restore our good mother-daughter relationship. It may take you longer than me. Please know that nothing you can do or say will make God love you any less than he already does. That goes for me, too.

I wish Jeff had not sent those texts to me. I think he did because he was trying to hurt you as much as you hurt him. But he hurt me in the process. I don't care if you have a relationship with James. He is probably a very good man. In fact, if he is someone who can make you happy, I'm all for it. But you just need to stop those kind of texts and save those words for when you are face to face. Anything you send over the Internet is there for everyone.

I hope you can find it in your heart to respond to me. We are so worried about you and what you are going to do.

Love, Mom




( Wifes Name ),

After I talked to you yesterday, I realized that there were some things I didn't say that I wanted to. First of all, Dad and I support you 100% in your decision to divorce Jeff. We really do understand what you have been through the last 6 years. You have tried your best to make it work, and if it hasn't in 6 years, it is not going to. Jeff has said he will change, but has not. A person just cannot change the way he is made even if he really wants to. You absolutely cannot expect to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not show you that he loves you even if he says he does. How miserable would that be? I know there are so many things that he does that just turn you off, and you just can't live with someone like that forever. It is not fair.

I wish I had not told you what ( Wifes Brother ) said about Jeff having more reason to divorce you than you do him. He simply does not know and understand the history. I think Jeff has emailed ( Wifes Brother ) a couple of times probably putting the blame on you and that gives ( Wifes Brother ) the wrong idea. ( Wifes Brother ) thinks that Jeff still loves you (and I'm sure he does in his own way) but there is a huge difference between saying it and acting like it. Jeff has been around a mother and father who don't show each other affection and that is what he is used to. He really does not know how to relate to people in a loving, affectionate way. You are so loving, gregarious and out going and Jeff is just the opposite. (I certainly don't have to tell you that, do I?)

I pray every day that you will find someone who will make you happy like you should be. I am sure that it will happen in time, but it will take some time.

If you want me to come up for a couple of days and start cleaning out the house, just let me know. You have enough food in your pantry to stock the Salvation Army! I could help pack that stuff up and get rid of it. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it.

Love you very much,
Mom


I can't believe that Jeff would be so cruel as to send those messages to your friends! Have you heard from any of them in response? Are you staying in the house for as long as it takes to find a place? How is that coming? What have you been doing everyday? Is Jeff also staying in the house? I'm so sorry you are having to do all this by yourself. Are you sure you don't want us to help you? There is so much to do. Please let us know what the situation is now. Have you told James about any of this?

Love you very much,
Mom and Dad

Jeff ... see my previous post. Most likely your MIL is falling in category #2 (mother like daughter? scenerio) Sorry your not getting the support you need. Your wife has spun you to be a crazy bad guy of some kind.

Edit to add minor detail.

I think your wife is considered a poor ickle princess by her mother who has spoiled her and excused her from responsible behaviour all her life. She should have just gotten a doll instead of a daughter.

And how dreadfully uncaring to describe an internet troll asking for explicit pics as a good man! I can tell you if any man tried such a thing with me, my parents would have him hunted down.

Basically she's not interested in her daughters thoughts/feelings/actions. She simply is not interested. She would think the same about her daughter no matter what repulsive act she did because she just considers her a doll to pet and appease into a show of a 'mother daughter relationship'

I feel your pain. My WH has a wayward dad, I didn't know at the time but I've found out since.

At the time his first reaction was shock "But indie and he have a special bond!" (Note this sentence implies you can betray your vows if you don't feel bonded)

Then he went around town rebutting my exposure and calling me a liar. But this only led people to examine HIM more closely.

I see a lot of the same language here.'Its OK if you don't feel bonded' 'follow your happiness and ignore your vows' 'let's pretend a POSOM is a good man'

Get back in that house and let's see how supportive Mr and Mrs Enabler are when she's on their doorstep and THEY have to put up with her.

Which I suspect is their real concern in guilting you out.

OOoo .... Quoting for TRUTH!

indie i think im going to follow your posts more. I like your sassy and direct style!

Translation: Do NOT come here!

It hurts to to hear my MIL to talk about me this way....

I know my WW is still talking to the guy as of yesterday via messanger. I'm sure she is still texting. She told me Friday that the guy was out of the picture. So she lied about that...

Yep she is a princess to her mom & dad.
I think her dad does not know what is going on, but I could be wrong.

Buddy, to hell will all of them.

Like mother like daughter, or vice versa. If the parents don't have moral character, then it stands to reason that the daughter (your WW) would be the same way.

Move back in the house and let them deal with her.

At first my MIL was upset by what she read in the cybersex transcript. She told my wife that it was evil & wrong.
Of course my WW did not like that reaction, so she stopped contact with her mom.

From what I can tell in their correspondence, her mom has come around to agree with WW in order for them to keep in contact.

To the point that am some sort of bad guy...that my lack of being outgoing or lack of affection is a justification for all this.

Of course, this is simply not true at all.
I do understand that I was not giving her the needs that she desired most. But my problem was that I just didnt know how to sustain this over time. I did them in the beginning of our relationship, I suppose, and I admit that things waned after we got married. I should have met her needs as best as I could.

My needs on the other hand were met only partially, but that is a different story...since I did not cheat on her.