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Please be sure to let those you are helping know that you both destroyed your previous marriages to be together. I would be highly upset to seek marriage counceling in my church only to find out I am getting marriage advice from two people who are in an affairage. And this comes from a WW. Yes, Ruby ~ Your words of wisdom are valid! H and I will give our testimonies... Our marriage began in a corrupt, despicable manner. If ever there are two people who have the ability to tell people what "NOT" to do ~ It is us! Sharing with people the destructive behavior of affairs and how it impacts BS's, especially when the AP's marry, is what we hope God will use in people's lives... Unfortunately, there are hurting couples in our church whose own marriages are the result of affairs! What a dreadful shame that all of us did not know "then" what we know "now"!!!!! In our church, there are also hurting couples whose lives are in the process of being destroyed by affairs! Yet, they are still together, wondering if it is even possible for them to restore love for each other and their marriage! None of our church friends had heard of MB until H and I told them that Dr. Harley's principles and God are the ONLY way their marriage can survive... Most importantly, God is the author of our message. H and I know without a doubt that, because Dr. and Mrs. Harley are Christians, their ministry is a direct result of God's using them in ALL marriages! Your wise words of wisdom are always welcome... Blessings ~
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You still have a loooong way to go with recovery. Be careful with who you share you story with, not everyone is "safe".
The "affairage" will probably cause you problems as Ruby states. Being a BW, I can see credibility issues. Just being honest.
But, being truely repentant and doing a complete 180 with your lives says something. Have you done some research on true repentence? It's very eye-openeing.
You know what you have done in the past, and all the hurt people left in your dust, it's what you do from here on out.
It will be tricky, and I'm not here to judge.
On a positive note, one thing my FWH and I started with in our recovery was praying out-loud together. Stating our struggles and triumphs before God is a great way to stay connected, with each other and God. Yes, Lgtex1 ~ Everything you have stated is valid! H and I agree that there are "some" who will try to use our testimonies against us... And, we know who the author of that is! Our only Source of hope and safety as we navigate this dangerous situation is God Almighty! Our hope is in Him... ONLY HIM... He alone is our Protector! Yes, we understand true repentence... It is the process of doing a 180-degree "turn" in order to run back into God's arms of love, grace, mercy, compassion and acceptance... Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? That is us! Tricky? With God as our Provider? God's Truth has a way of leveling the playing field... Our eyes must be firmly trained on Him... ONLY HIM... And, yes, H and I have rejoined our commitment to pray together aloud while holding hands. It has been such a long time since we have done this... We are joining together in a way that we know will honor God and bless our marriage! Thank you for your encouragement! Blessings ~
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Joined: Oct 2009
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You have no idea how wonderful it is to know that my H and I are in POJA agreement in restoring love in our marriage! Jesus is our Glue! Blessings ~  I might be asking this too early (haven't read the rest of your thread), but what were the results of the polygraph?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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H and I have determined that we will espouse Dr. Harley's "tools" in helping others, especially in our church! Please be sure to let those you are helping know that you both destroyed your previous marriages to be together. I would be highly upset to seek marriage counceling in my church only to find out I am getting marriage advice from two people who are in an affairage. And this comes from a WW. Oh, dear. I wasn't aware that this was an affairage. What were the results of the poly?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Out of curiosity, what are your questions? On May 7, 2012, I started a list of questions that I wanted my H to answer. They were "Yes" "No" questions. On Monday, July 23, 2012, I gave my H the list of "31" questions. I told him on Monday that he would be asked no more than "5" of the 31 questions. I told him that no more than "5" questions (out of the 31)that he would be asked would be revealed just prior to the examination. This morning, before I left for work, my H circled his "Yes" "No" answers to all 31 questions. To be clear, I reiterated that he would be asked no more than "5" of the 31 questions at his examination. When we got to the designated place for the examination, the PE asked me which "5" questions I would like to ask my H. H gave his questionnaire with his "Yes" "No" answers to the polygrapher. I told the PE I had only "One" question that I wanted him to ask my H... Which was: #31) After answering all of the questions above, have you given a false answer to any of them?
"Yes" "No"H had circled "No"... H's answer did NOT show deception... H and I are finally at "START"! Bliss, He passed the test.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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You will have ups and downs in the next few years. When I have a "down" day it helps me to look back at how far we have come and the progress we have made. Our marriage pre A gives me the "willies" just thinking about it! We were so disconnected from each other, disrespectful and all the other adjectives that we shouldn't have been.  Have ya'll made your list of EP's? I can't remember if you posted that earlier.
BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
Col. 2:8 (NLT)
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You will have ups and downs in the next few years. When I have a "down" day it helps me to look back at how far we have come and the progress we have made. Our marriage pre A gives me the "willies" just thinking about it! We were so disconnected from each other, disrespectful and all the other adjectives that we shouldn't have been. Have ya'll made your list of EP's? I can't remember if you posted that earlier. I know exactly what you are talking about! For 2+ years, H and I have been living separate lives together! Taking our eyes off of Jesus and depending on "human tradition" in our thoughts and actions was a slippery slope that we allowed ourselves to succumb to... It has taken this wake-up call for both of us. One of my favorite verses is Romans 5:8 ~ "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."I, too, look back at the time we spent away from God and each other, and cannot conceive that we both had believed the lies that we allowed the enemy to use against us! And, yes, we will not take our coming back to Jesus in our marriage for granted! We are committed to doing the hard work that is required for us to love God and each other every day for as long as we have a breath in us!!! The ONLY way we can do this is by protecting ourselves from the lies that the enemy wants us to believe by keeping ourselves in Christ and in each other! Making our list of EP's is our current work in progress... Since Wednesday, 07/25/2012, one or both of us think of at least one more to add to the list.  I love Colossians 2:8 "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ." Blessings ~
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"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." We have refered to that verse often. There are so many verses we turn to when things get rough. I don't think we would have made it if we did'nt have a christian counselor and the MB concepts. It's a very scary thought! Here is my H's list of EP's. I enjoy looking over other recovering couples EP's and getting ideas from others them. I am responsible to protect my wife at all times. It is an honor to do so! 1. No riding in a vehicle alone with a woman under the age of 60. (Your sister, mother, mother in law ect. Is fine) 2. No meals alone with a woman under the age of 60. 3. No discussion of personal matters with women. Ex. Do not seek counsel of any sort with a female, no family/marriage issues discussed. 4. I will not share my problems or concerns with another woman. 5. I will not put myself in an advice giver role with another woman, unless my wife is present and has given her prior approval. 6. I will not spend any time alone with another woman without the approval of my wife. 7. I will not share my infirmities with another woman. 8. No hugging women. Hand-shake or �side arm� hug if necessary. Unless they are elderly or family. 9. Any txt/email to/from a woman that is not business related will be seen by my wife. 10. I will change my email and phone # and any other source of communication a person from my �sin-filled � past may use. 11. If a woman from my �sin-filled� past attempts to contact me, I will not respond, and then tell my wife immediately, forwarding any txt/email to my wife. 12. If a woman flirts with me or compliments me I will bring up my wife in the conversation, (ex...�my wife loves my huge muscles too�) then immediately exit the conversation. 13. I will �cc� my wife�s email for any correspondence with a female that is not work related. 14. I will give full access of all my business records to my wife. 15. I will agree to give all passwords, account codes business and personal to my wife. 16. I will openly share my daily schedule with my wife. 17. At any time she requests, I will trade cell phones with my wife for the time she deems necessary. 18. I will delete/discard any emails/txt/pics/mementos (from my past) of any kind from any woman, other than my wife. My wife may check my desk/computer/phone at any time. 19. I will always defer to my wife regarding any outside activity and will agree to eliminate any activity she feels is interfering in our relationship or the relationships of our children. 20. My wife and I will, together, share a Face-book/Myspace ect. Account. 21. I will not play phone games/computer games, ie. Scramble, hanging w friends ect.. with women. 22. I will not engage in any cyber games. Ex. W.O.W., Runescape, Second life, ect. This is a breeding ground for a secret life and affairs. 23. No pornography of any sort including �soft� porn. Refer to the "Kids-in-mind" app for all movies. 24. No more "self-pleasuring" 25. My wife and I will agree on all FB friends. 26. I will add to this list any boundaries that my wife deems necessary to make her feel safe in our marriage. 27. I will submit to a polygraph test any time my wife requests. Drinking Alcohol 1. I will drink alcohol only with my wife present. 2. No going to drinking establishments without my wife. 3. 2-drink limit in a 4 hour period 4. 4-drink limit in a 24 hour period We have added to this as we go. I really need to organize it a little better.
BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
Col. 2:8 (NLT)
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I am going to hold his feet to the fire until he proves to me that he really will do whatever it takes.
Thank you for your encouragement. Hi Wise1 - I was just wondering how you are doing, how things are going? Are you counseling with the Harleys? Are you spending so much wonderful UA time that you don't have a chance to post here? (Hope so!!) I'd love to hear how you and Pancho are doing. 
"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen
(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
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I am going to hold his feet to the fire until he proves to me that he really will do whatever it takes.
Thank you for your encouragement. Hi Wise1 - I was just wondering how you are doing, how things are going? Are you counseling with the Harleys? Are you spending so much wonderful UA time that you don't have a chance to post here? (Hope so!!) I'd love to hear how you and Pancho are doing.
Hello, Zhamila ~
Thank you for your concern.
After undergoing several tests over the past 2-1/2 weeks, Pancho and I were told by his internal medicine doctor, his cardiologist and his vascular surgeon that three out of four of his carotid arteries (in his neck) are 100% "occluded".
In other words they are 100% "blocked".
We were given this information last Monday, July 31, 2012.
Pancho has one carotid artery that is feeding his brain with oxygen and blood.
Because of the severity of the occlusion, surgery is not an option at this time.
The three affected arteries are completely shriveled up to the point that there is nothing for the physicians to try to "repair" because they are, physically, non-existent.
Pancho has been experiencing infrequent, odd symptoms over the past 12+ months.
His internal medicine doctor, cardiologist and I were convinced these symptoms were the result of stress...
It was only after his cardiologist finally had him undergo an MRI that the severity of the problem showed up.
When the vascular surgeon showed us the MRI results, I could not get over the clarity of the pics of Pancho's arteries!
It was so very cut and dried as to why the surgeon said that surgery, at this point, is not an option!
There's hardly anything there!
Up until the MRI, all of the other tests came back showing no problems...
Heart rate ~ Normal
Blood Pressure ~ Normal
EKG ~ Normal
Yet, the symptoms persisted!
The one carotid artery that is doing all the work, has had to compensate for the three that are not able to work, and has been manifesting itself for many years, our physicians think.
All of this to say, that, yes, we are spending much UA time in reading scripture together, praying together, Dr. Harley's books together and articles together.
When Pancho feels really good, we walk our property together.
We go to church together.
Right now, our quality UA time is spent very simply.
He is scheduled to meet with a neurologist, hopefully, next week.
The consensus, so far, is that his only option right now is meds.
He started Plavix last Friday.
I hope you are a prayer warrior.
If ever there were a time that we need prayer, it is now.
My visits to MB are very infrequent simply because, right now, my focus is in ministering to Pancho.
It is interesting how God allows unexpected circumstances to come into one's life in order to get one to seek Him first in "all" things...
Thank you, again, for your concern and your kind post.
Blessings ~
Wise1 & Pancho
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The one carotid artery that is doing all the work, has had to compensate for the three that are not able to work, and has been manifesting itself for many years, our physicians think.
All of this to say, that, yes, we are spending much UA time in reading scripture together, praying together, Dr. Harley's books together and articles together.
When Pancho feels really good, we walk our property together.
We go to church together.
Right now, our quality UA time is spent very simply.
I hope you are a prayer warrior.
If ever there were a time that we need prayer, it is now.
My visits to MB are very infrequent simply because, right now, my focus is in ministering to Pancho. Oh Wise1! I am so sorry to hear this, and you can count on my prayers!! May God bless and keep you both.  ((((((((((Wise1 & Pancho)))))))))))
"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen
(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
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(((Wise1))), so sorry to hear this. I know the stress must be overwhelming at times.
Be sure and take care of yourself as well.
I will pray for ya'll also
BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
Col. 2:8 (NLT)
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