He found a vib on the floor and the mirror was for a video.

I woulda rubbed it down with juice from a scotch bonnet or naga jolokia pepper!

Yep, I didnt think a photo of the vibrator would help...
The mirror is just too close to the bed to be anything other than for video.

She's been doing this for awhile now. Every other night, I see video calls she is making to the guy. I think she is the aggressor in the situation. She is actively sending out the video calls. oh man, it makes me feel like a loser.

Was my wife wanting sex like this? For me to talk dirty to her? http://pastebin.com/w5U0YL40

I know she reads the dirty romance novels...but I didnt know she wanted someone to talk to her this way.

NG you forgot to add "replace with dead batteries while removing all good batteries from the household"

ALL waywards SAY they want an amicable divorce. Why I believe my husband turned the phrase into a catchy song. Then they realise how much their new alleycat in heat lifestyle is going to cost and its no more Miss Acting-like-a-Nice-Girl.

Your lawyer sounds..poor. No experience of cheats and not really going for your best interests like a bulldog. Sounds like he wants an easy life. Have a few consults with recommended people to see if you get tougher advice.

Oh and stocking up on scotch bonnets, sounds GREAT.

But maybe better to just access the shame value. I would just make sure to grab ahold of it when you and your female relatives are confronting her and telling her to get out. Sling some of her clothes in a bag, wave the vibrator around in front of your aunts/mother/sisters and tell her you've had enough of her using the house for her porn videos. That's why she needs to leave RIGHT NOW

That should give you a real advantage.

I agree with Indie, farmer. Get a lawyer who will fight for you and your best interests.

I guess she is doing just fine with me gone...

I found out that she has been out to eat at restaurants a few times, had a massage or two, went to a karaoke bar, ....she even stopped at a Adult store yesterday.

Another video call last night....I wonder why after midnight though.

I feel shame that she is doing these things.

It hurts to know that she can go on with her life, maybe even have more fun with me not in her life.

We know what waywards do, J

What are you doing?

I'm trying my best to let this go & accept that what we have, has come to an end.

But to be honest, I've been tough on myself too.
This is my 2nd time going thru this....
I've been married twice.


Yes, I was unhappy in both. I thought I was willing to work things out...

OR maybe I just can't do what it takes. I just can't seem to sustain in meeting someone else's needs.


What woman would want to be with me knowing that these things have happened to me....she would have to take a gamble in thinking that I may not be able to meet her needs as well.

But above all, I really want to feel love & be with someone who loves me.



Her mom emailed me at the beginning of all this...she told me that she is saddened for what has happened, but she felt that we are not meant to be together. Her moms words have gotten into my head lately.


I am trying to understand what emotional need she felt was missing....if she has resorted to having cybersex with a stranger. I just don't understand what motivates someone to do this.

I guess I am in self pity land right now.
Sometimes I get mad about what my WW has done...but sometimes I blame myself for what has happened.

Move home. Today. It's your house. Get in there and let her figure out where she can go to masturbate and broadcast her homemade porn.

Don't drink the kool aid about what a terrible husband you are. You want to love and be loved. That's not a crime but perhaps after you get through your divorce and have time to recover, you'll perfect your ability to find someone who can love you and not rush into a marriage with an internet skank.

Your lady sounds spoiled. You don't express enough love for her? Ugh. You've got to stop sucking that crap in and see your own value. She and her family will NEVER be able to give you that.

GO HOME TODAY. Stand up for yourself and stake out your territory. She can move in with he mommy and take her sex toys with her.

Farmer,

It isn't about what EN you weren't meeting but about her poor and sloppy boundaries.

I think your problem here is committing to the MB approach. In order for it to work well its all or nothing - there are certain actions you need to take ( eg full esposure, plan A, Plan B..) but in order to take them you need to take on board why they work. A lot of it seems counter-intuitive at first - and it is diametrically opposite to what you will hear on other forums, and through counsellors. But MB is about the best route yet (tried and tested) for saving a marriage, and if it is not saved, for your own recovery. So half baked exposures and not wanting to humiliate your WS, for example by distributing the gory detail, all act to undermine the programme and make it less effective. When exposing you can always tell people you have proof and offer it to them if they then ask.
You said also that they wouldn't believe you without the evidence. In practice - unless they already know you as a liar - many will at least take it as a possibility.
So my take would that you drink the full MB Koolaid ( read the books - again if you already have and fully take them in). From that point give the system a go and ignore any advice that conflicts with it from counsellors, other forums and well-meaning "friends". Many, many people don't "get" MB. SO give the programme a chance and be prepared to be challenged when you do).
This would probably mean -
Move straight back in - no need to explain why, its your home.
Decide on a Plan A/Plan B strategy.
If you go straight to plan B - figure out a way of getting her out sooner rather than later ( keep up a plan A until she leaves then a complete NC dark plan B from thereon. That helps your own recovery in the divorce route as well as maximising the chances of a reconciliation, if that is what you want.

If you are now looking to divorce, then Plan B sooner rather than later.

Don't worry about being a nice guy - that won't work or help, despite what your WW or her mother says. And if being nice did bring her back, it would mean more Use/abuse of you while you are together. No, just be clear about your conditions. And do not waver from them an inch.

Hiding from your problems and allowing people to walk all over you will never lead to acceptance. It pretty much never works, but if you want to try it, I'm out because I can't help with that.



In what way? Are you getting up and kicking her out?



Jeff, you're making excuses and talking about something else. Dating is waaaaaay in the future but your WW is attacking you RIGHT NOW. What are you going to do about the problem at hand?



You are in self pity land because it is easier to wallow in that than act.

If you want to do that, great.

If not than let us know when you are ready to act.

We aren't asking you to do anything we haven't done ourselves.

I got a good lawyer. I packed my WHs bags and changed the locks.

It isn't difficult.

I understand....
I am going to kick her out asap.

Snooped some more...found that she has registered at 2 different dating websites (curvydates, etc)

It makes me mad to see that she already has a dating profile with several photos.

She is back to doing what did before she met me....


She lists her description as being:

Yes, I am separated...will be single soon. Am in a good place in my life and happy with myself. Ready for some excitement in my life!! I am laid back, have been told I'm funny/witty, have a great job, love to travel, enjoy tennis and boating. Have many other interests, if you're interested in knowing me better let me know. I'm so glad I have realized there are plenty of men out there who have all I'm looking for and find me beautiful the way I am. Would love to get to know some great new guys. Location is not necessarily an issue since I am seriously considering travel nursing.

Good, because you'd have a helluva time selling that house with all the crap and sex toys laying around. And the longer it takes to sell the house, the longer you'll have to deal with the STBxW.

I'd buy a new mattress, though.

What type of person signs up for a dating website, when all this has happened?

I haven't mentioned proceeding with a D or anything to her.

Does she even think about what has happened?
She is ready to find the next guy to be with.
Her boldness amazes me.

I wonder if she will tell them that she cheated on her husband.

Okay, this is really off the wall, but if I were you (and this is really what I would do) I would create a fake profile for one of those websites, fake pics, history, friends and all, in a town not too far away but not too close either to raise suspicion and reach out to her. Get her all worked up and then suggest a meeting at a nearby restaurant that is part of a hotel. Get her worked up to the point that she actually types what she wants to do to you, so you can print it off as an undeniable proof package.

Of course, after that, you make sure that all her friends and family have decided to have dinner at this place as well on that same night at the same time.

That might be an interesting exposure!

A woman who has no boundaries.

The kind of guys that she is most likely meeting are either 1)doesn't care that she is married because they are just looking for a piece of azz 2)are lying themselves about being married

When are you moving back home?

That will blow up her world? I would also remove that mirror and throw it in the garbage and all the "toys" and batteries!!!!

Okay, putting the radical part of my thought process aside, you could do the first part just to generate proof of her actions so that you will have some tangible evidence of what is really happening.

Are you back in the house yet? And yes, break the mirror, and burn the sex toys.

Agree. GO HOME. Put fresh sheets on the bed. Move that damned mirror. Yuck. Let her know that you aren't planning to lay down for her dealings with the POS men she's trolling for.

She is a married woman. She needs to consider that the man she's been doing online sex with is likely also a married man.

I'm moving back in on Saturday.

I just have a hard time understanding how she can be so eager to get on dating websites....when today, two weeks ago was D-Day.

Who does this????

She has registered on at least 3 different site. She did this today... She has several pictures of herself, one of which I am cropped out of.

Why does she do this???
Can't she have any respect for what we had with each other???


I mean we were with each other for almost 8 years....

Back in January, we even planned on going thru an expensive IVF procedure in order to have a child.
How could then she start an online affair in less than 3 months after going thru that????

What has to be going thru her brain in order for this to make sense????