She will yell, scream, and move out. Let her. If you want to help her grow, let her go through this trial/humiliation, she will never learn otherwise. She is not 15, she is 22, millions of children go through traumatic experiences/bad childhoods but that does not excuse their behavior to conduct themselves in this manner. I know she is your daughter and you will make excuses for (I do this too...) but being a parent is not about being a friend. Being a friend is easy, that's why they have so many. It takes 'balls', as they say, to be a real parent and that's why so few do so.

No. Because she's a signed tenant on our lease, I legally need to give her 60 days. 30 is the best I can do.

I think sometimes tough love is tougher on parents than children.

I do have a scheduled holiday with her coming up next week. Our first in 5 years together. If I give her the letter now, chances are she will not come with me, leaving her here home alone all week with WH. If I give it to her after we come, we have a chance at spending a week alone away from him without contact. Part of me says do it now. The other part says it's one last chance at giving her good memories with me before reality hits her hard.

I would give her the letter NOW and tell her she can't come on vacation with you. Nor can she allow BW's husband in your home. I would inform the wife TODAY and also let her know that you will be out of town. But I would not take her on a vacation!

Have you made contact with the BW?

Also, when you speak to your DD, I would refer to that bast*rd as "BW's [insert her name] husband."

You can keep him out of your home by informing the BW and giving her the keys to your house. Let her know she can come in and GET her husband if she sees him there. If the pigs know that BW has all this information, they will be less likely to do it.

Does your XH know that a MM is having an affair with his 22YO daughter? I know that my dad wouldn't have been very pleased with an OM in this case.

I also didn't see a response to PM's message. When you were here before, were you a WW? How did your XH get full custody of your children? What was your previous posting name?

I've wondered this, as well. You've told us that he is a psychopath. And yet, he got custody. Clinically diagnosed psychopaths don't get custody.

I think more information is needed.

This is a myth.

The most successful psychopaths are never caught. Those who have had clinically diagnosis have criminal records. Ted Bundy was an unsuccessful psychopath. He's more like Jim Jones or Charles Manson, more psychological and emotional teflon Don than obvious.

FACT: Of all custody disputes, 80% of abusers seek custody. Of those 80%, 80% get custody of the children.

SAB was my previous name. I had it removed by the authorities because he was stalking me.

XH has refused to contact D22 in any way in 8 months. Changed his phone & email so she couldn't contact him. If he did know, he'd welcome the WH with open arms. Only legal correspondence mentioning her name was a demand for information about her $$$. Not once has he asked how she is or if she's OK or where she is.

No response yet from BW.

Good idea about vacation. Which means more to her, vacation or him? If him, she'll have to spend the time looking for a place to live. If vacation, it'll be a good time out for her around people she cares about.

W4MG -

My parents always protected me, sheltered me, and made excuses for me. It's not fair to your child and not a good life for either of you.

I walked away 5 years ago, grew up through some hard knocks, and am a happily married woman now to a wonderful man. And, an adult.

Let her go, let her grow up, and quit making excuses for her.

Steph

Please give us a citation for this. Do you have a website that outlines this? What is your citation for this?

What authorities?

were you ever yourself involved in an adulterous relationship?

Ohmigosh, if I remember correctly, SAB's husband not only had an affair but wanted to be a swinger! He wanted SAB to start dating other men so he could pick up chicks. I remember being shocked at how cruel and crass he was to her. Do I have that right, w4mg?

Yup, Melodylane, that was me. He never had an affair. It was an empty threat. It was nothing but a manipulation tactic to get me to do whatever he wanted and incriminate myself in the process. Nothing's changed. He's still like this exoept worse. He's managed to keep my S21 and other 2 D, 12 & 14, away from me for years. My S in a a true adult child soldier doing his father's bidding. When I finally published my address to keep him from stalking me, he taught the youngest children a hatred of me. My youngest who was 9 a couple years ago become extremely violent and volatile with 7 police interventions and 1 trip to the psych ward. The children's Lawyer report the children's voices equal the father's voice. He falsely accused me of child abuse. Through more manipulation delay tactics, I have had no contact with them for 2.5 years. Any thing I try to send them, he intercepts.

He's done all this for a free life so that he never has to work a day. The children are his income. He continues to use the children as weapons to destroy me. You can see how screwed the children may be through all of this.

I learned alot here at MB about healthy relationships. I've become an social advocate and public speaker. I came back because I know how supportive everyone is.

Sorry, the "authorities" who hid my threads were the MB moderators.

So sorry w4mg.

Thanks, BH.

You can understand now why I may be overly? protective of my children. But you're right my DD has made her own decisions and must live by their consequences. Unfortunately, she's looking for love and belonging in all the wrong places.

With alienated children, it can take years to undo the damage and "rewire" them into a healthy mentality. Some never recover.

Yes it's sad just like any abuse.

Have you heard back from the BW?

not yet