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I'm worried WH may have intercepted it. Is there any way you could go over there to her? Say when he is at work?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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She is practically housebound from medical issues. He doesn't work. She may not get to FB for a day or two.
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should my DD decide to give up MM. how can I make sure she maintains no contact? eg:
all passwords
cellphone
internet
places she goes with him
etc
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FACT: Of all custody disputes, 80% of abusers seek custody. Of those 80%, 80% get custody of the children. Please give us a citation for this. Do you have a website that outlines this? What is your citation for this? I can't seem to find it at the moment. Here are some websites that might help Rates At Which Batterers Receive Custodyhttp://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/info/custody-abuse/statistics/rates-at-which-batterers-receive-custody/ Rate of Domestic Violence In Contested Custody Cases http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/i...stic-violence-in-contested-custody-casesAre "Good Enough" Parents Losing Custody to Abusive Ex-Partners? http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/dv.html
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You can keep him out of your home by informing the BW and giving her the keys to your house. Let her know she can come in and GET her husband if she sees him there. Awesome suggestion!!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Maybe rethink the key advice. I advise on not giving any stranger keys/direct access to your home.
If she is truely disabled and housebound, how are keys going to help her "get her husband?"
I know you have been all around the boards and have read quite a bit about MB. You are getting some good advice, and I think deep down you really know what you need to do.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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So, If I understand your sit;
Your 22 yo daughter is having an affair with a married man.
She is currently living with you.
This affair is carried on in your home.
You are affraid to confront your daughter, afraid that she will chose the A partner over you?
There is little/no exposure?
According to MB, you know you are going to have to establish proper boundaries of what is acceptable to you and what is not. You are going to have to learn how to enforce your boundaries related to these beliefs/moral code.
A very hard task, indeed. But you can do this.
Does your daughter fully know how you feel about this situation?
Does she understand the level of disrespect this is to you?
Last edited by barbiecat; 07/30/12 09:12 AM. Reason: spellin'
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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DD is operating at the age of trauma (15 y/o). She may be 22 on the outside but 15 on the inside. I'm not making excuses for her. This is a kid who's struggling to find her way. My take is that kids don't have sex. If you are having sex, you are ready to be a responsible grownup and face the consequences of your actions.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I see an awful lot of psychological terms being thrown around in here. Has any of this been diagnosed by an actual psychologist or psychiatrist?
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"such a poor, undeveloped character is because she has never had to fend for herself. "
Quite the opposite. She's had to be the parent. She was left to fend for herself for years without any contructive parenting or boundaries. She was given too much responsibility far too young. Alienation is child abuse similar to that of a hostage. Think what it was may have been like for Jaycee Duggan returning to her family after 18 years captivity.
Her time to develop emotionally was taken from her deliberately. If she's having an affair, it sounds like the problem is her emotional side is plenty well developed and is completely in control. It is not her emotional side that needs further development. It is her rational, responsible side. Affairees live on emotional thrills in a "day by day" philosophy rather than paying attention to how they need to live to sustain long term happiness.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ma'am, the biggest problem I see here is that you are codependent with your daughter. Your daughter is a wayward addict and you are unwilling to draw a line. But an addict is a black hole and will never be satisfied.
You can't prevent her from destroying herself, no matter how much you give her. But you'll use that fear as your excuse to give more and more, and more. You'll happily destroy yourself to try to prevent her destruction.
But you'll fail. The biggest problem in her life is not her past, it is her present AFFAIR! (Addiction.) It will destroy her.
And you will have destroyed yourself trying to "help" her, when all you were doing is helping the addiction that is destroying her.
You need to detach FOR YOU.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I agree.
You don't help addicts by enabling their addictions.
There are books out there about tough Love.
You may benefit from reading them
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noted.
Still no word from BW.
Gathering evidence.
adultery letter ready
almost there
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Maybe rethink the key advice. I advise on not giving any stranger keys/direct access to your home.
If she is truely disabled and housebound, how are keys going to help her "get her husband?" I disagree. The OMW needs the keys to her apartment in case she sees her husband's car there. That way she can come in for a visit. If her husband in there, she needs to be in there too! That would be a wonderful surprise for the infidels!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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noted.
Still no word from BW.
Gathering evidence.
adultery letter ready
almost there Does she live close by so you could drop in?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MM & BW live across the city. I have car. Must take transit. BW has physical mobility issues. Just sent her another message telling her where to find WH's evidence of an affair and asking to meet again.
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Anyone know how to print facebook messages easily? My computer doesn't want to select & copy them.
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I have all the evidence now together.
Unfortunately, DD not home.
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Anyone know how to print facebook messages easily? My computer doesn't want to select & copy them. Never mind. I figured it out. 30 pages of messages between DD & MM for month of July 2012. Over 9000 messages since they met in February.
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