Pity you can't contact him one more time - you could send him a dictionary so he could look up the definitions for 'slander' and 'libel.'

LOL, MB and others. I am also always amused when the "slander" word is thrown about. "Libel", also.

"You said I am an XXX in public!!!"

Er, yeah, cuz you are. Next question?

Now, just a few hours with Judge Judy should be enough education. No need to go crazy with a dictionary (big learnin'). Haaaa!

My WXW said I was assassinating her character. Got to love exposure.

No significant updates but she is moving out and got a Condo near by. POSOM is living 2 hours away so I hope their distance will become a pain in the ___ for them to continue. His wife is still moving forward with D on their end and he will likely be moving out from his place too. WW is planning to go to work for him and starts next week.

Her father was not ever able to meet with me (health issues) but sent me another email that he is saddened and worried about this all; and that our 8+ year marriage is over in a few weeks. I responded that I agreed, but have to heal and be a stable point for the kids. Told him the Facebook thing was only done to try and save my marriage as WW is trying to paint me as some crazy monster who is falling apart. My WW has had her mother come to the house a few times when I was around, almost like she needs protection. I confronted WW as she's making it appear like she is afraid of me; she admitted that she didn't think I would do something like that and told her parents she was concerned about me.

We have our settlement conference on Wed so hope/pray things go well for me since I deserve a bit of good karma after what I've been through. She doesn't appear to be going after me for as much as she could so POSOM may be a temporary blessing to get me to the finish line.

Still so very painful but making every attempt to be strong.

Are you seeking custody?

No, it will be joint custody. It is rather unlikely that I would be awarded custody as she has been a stay-at-home mom for the past 6 years providing most of the care for the children. She is now residing near the children so distance is no longer an issue.

Aside from her lack of common sense and stability the past 6 months, my attorney said it is unlikely I would be awarded custody right now. However, this will be something I will continue to review and pursue down the road. These constant changes in behavior and changing her mind every month is only going to help build a case against her as I remain in the marital home and provide the needed stability.

Has a GAL been appointed to represent the kids?

No - not sure why that would be necessary at this point?

I'm a big proponent of GALs.
My wife was a stay at home mom too. And I received custody.
Waywards act stupid and crazy. Dr Harley says their actions resemble mental illness.
That can play out good in custody evaluations.

Remember attorneys like to settle.

What harm is there in appointing a GAL?

How did the settlement conference go?

The best word I can use is anti-climatic. I guess I had my hopes up or thinking it would be me versus her and I wanted to win; but as I've learned, no one really wins in divorce, except of course for the attorneys. I would say that it was fair or that I got out of there with a fair settlement.

We had already agreed on 50/50 for the kids and my attorney said it would be very hard for this judge to award me full custody. We can always do this at a future date as my attorney is confident that she's going to screw this up; she has proved herself to be unstable. She's working part-time for POSOM and will be commuting 2 hours each way 3 days a week. I'm sure that she is going to spend the night to cut down on driving but that is still going to get old.

I got the marital house free and clear and she is nearly moved out; she got a condo near by so it will be easier to manage with regard to the kids.

The one main thing I wanted was to keep POSOM away from my kids; the facilitator said there is no way that's going to happen. There's not enough on him that the judge would let this go in my favor. She said it is just going to force them to marry each other and I don't want that for my kids. She said their relationship will not last and I just need to sit tight. It angers me to no end, but have come to the realization that I've done everything I can and have to let it go.

Overall, I'm satisfied I guess. I never wanted this but have tried to save my marriage and keep my family in tact. She still acts happy and in fantasy land but I can't let that get to me as it can't be real. I need to start healing and can no longer focus on her.

Make sure your Kids know EXACTLY who Posom is. The kids will want nothing to do with him. They will put up a stink with xww. And it will cause some more drama for the affairees.

The way I see it, she will likely be spending 2 nights in OMs town, and even more likely 3/4/or 5. She won't be able, nor want, 50/50 custody for very long.

Get your kids involved in some sports or activities that require them to be in YOUR town all the time. You don't want her to try getting them to spend time in OMs town. Keep them too busy. Plus it will cause her more conflict, and more sacrifice - because she will be missing all of those activities/games to be with OM. It will raise her expectations of him. She can't replace missing her child's game with sex, before long she will feel really bad about herself.

Melo12

Agreed with the above. I assume you have 'joint' custody with 50/50 parenting (?) so keep track of all the time she actually spends with the kids. If it ends up below the 50/50, petition the court to modify accordingly, since that will give you leverage down the road, and maybe additional financial (child) support from her for the kids. Good Luck

are you going to plan b?
What boundaries will you have around yourself ?

Thank you Lexxxy and dec, that is very solid advice. The kids are 6 and 3 and my oldest is in gymnastics right now which is a big commitment; not sure if it is enough to interrupt with WW schedule since she basically makes her own hours working for POSOM. However, I will look into other activities for both as I think it would be good for them.

I simply do not agree with telling them about POSOM; I know what Dr. Harley says but do not think this is healthy and will not do it. My oldest knows that I do not like him and has asked me why several times. I am honest that I do not like him, but have not told her why.


I think I am but please tell me if I need to add more. I've reviewed the plan B and parenting in plan B as well. It is hard since I "need her" with some care for the kids, I travel a lot with my job and don't have a support group to help.

• I do not speak to her unless it is about the kids. She tries to talk to me about other things and I simply tell her I no longer am interested in those conversations.
  
• We will exchange the kids at school or daycare so no interaction will be needed.
  
• Nearly all communication has been through a website we use. It will only involve the kids.
  
• I am changing the locks on the house Monday. She is out of the house anyway, just has a few remaining items that she has 30 days to remove.
  
• I am going to keep any interaction in person very business like.
  

Melo12,

I simply do not agree with telling them about POSOM; I know what Dr. Harley says but do not think this is healthy and will not do it. My oldest knows that I do not like him and has asked me why several times. I am honest that I do not like him, but have not told her why.

Everyone who has spoken to me about their parents infidelity knew something was going on and felt they were somehow to blame or could have helped. Your DDs need to know that none of this is their fault and that the true culprits in all of this are WW and OM. If OM has destroyed your DDs family they need to know.

There is some chance they have witnessed some inappropriate behavior or communication between OM and WW. Please do not allow your DDs to have to carry the burden of horrible secrets.

God Bless
Gamma

First Gamma has a good point.
Children are harmed by adultery and the secrets they learn to keep. The lies they tell. I'm sure your wife appreciates this form of enabling but it does NOT help your kids or your ex wife.
When I explained to my kids, about your age, that mommy loved another man more than daddy they gained some understanding.

The choice is yours. But I will share that AlAnon meetings are filled with adult children of alcoholics that learned to lie and keep secrets ; as adults it impairs them. Same for adult children of divorce.

Regarding limited contact, I will say I think it's a LOT harder than NO contact.
You CAN plan B if you want to.

Here is the limited contact letter I sent my ww about 30 minutes after we were divorced ( before I sent it she sent me a text asking if she and her mom could stop by the house Hah Hah):


Okay I don't had an IM. I don't want to train one either.
Here is my limited contact letter. :




Dear Ww,

As of today (July 24) I will only communicate with you by email (aol.com).�
I will only respond to emails concerning our children or other issues as required by Court Order.�
Emails will be reviewed and responded to within 24 hours.�

Please do not phone, write, text message or contact me in person or in any other manner.�

Per your suggestion, I have designated the house phone as the "mommy phone" and will have our children call you daily at 6:30 pm.�

In the event of an actual child related emergency please contact my father at xxxxxand/or my sister at xxxxx and I will immediately respond.�

Respectfully,



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Send a copy to OW.
Send copies to the IM, you family members, and your attorney.

Oh and I also added:

"you are trespassed from our marital home"

If you really want to let her know how much you appreciate her lying and deceit have the Sheriff serve her with a No Trespass letter