Just feeling really down here.I was doing great 2 weeks into plan B until I started the lawsuit.Now I am in plan L which is very emotional esp when I have to deal with my lawyer who just wants to settle for some quick cash instead of dragging them thru the courts.

Sorry xp the legal stuff can be a drag.

What kind of things are you doing for yourself?

Thanks BH.The legal stuff is a drag.I feel particularly lonely these few days.I couldnt really relate to anyone on this board as it seems I am the only one going at it with a lawsuit.
I am not in the mood to do anything for myself right now...

Hi XP, I can empathise about the lows... have hit one myself.

I have found the legal stuff can act as a trigger. It means the betrayed has to think of the wayward, and gets insights into what is going on for the wayward. What has had the most impact is it has allowed WH an opportunity to communicate with me. Some of the rubbish he spouts throws me off for a while.

Since you are doing a true art of war legal battle... well, I imagine this will have a greater potential to slow your Plan B healing.

So it is even more important to do nice things for yourself. I knew a low was coming... and I haven't been able to stop it fully. So I took myself off for a massage, it helps me relax.

Find something that works for you. Still allow yourself to have the low, it is part of the process, but look for healthy ways to lessen the impact and keep moving forward. Look at what you think might be triggering the low, so you can try and reduce this happening again in future (although some things we can't avoid and just have to deal with as best we can).

I'm so sorry XP.

Please listen to the wonderful advice Caracal has given you and please take care of yourself.

How is your support system IRL?

Thank you for your words,Caracal and BH.I had to go over all the evidence (chat msg) and hi-lite the critical parts.Lots of triggers.The pictures as well.
I spoke with WW and her fog is thicker than before.Sometimes I feel I have no idea what I'm doing.I am not sure if this is what I really want.Is it normal to feel this way?I think I did it partly because Dr H told me the threat of a lawsuit ended all the affairs he was involved with.My lawyer called and threatened them but so far,they havent budged.
BH,what is IRL?I guess going to church and praying would be my spiritual support system.

Very normal to feel this way especially when you had to go back through their garbage.

IRL=in real life

Do you have someone who can filter through the messages for you?

IRL = In Real Life

Going to church and praying are both great. Do you have a couple of good solid friends/family/pastor who know about the A and can be a support with and for you? That's what support IRL would look like.

BH,I dont have an IM to filter the msgs.
LWFH,my closest friends dont know about the A.Ironically ,the OMW has a been a great support.I guess we are both in the same boat so we know how each other feels.

Why haven't you disclosed the A to your closest friends? They can be support for you...that's what close friends do. Is the lawsuit filed yet? And I would not trust OMW in a legal battle either.

Hey xp, how are things?

I agree with BR that your closest friends should know. I can't imagine how isolated you must feel trying to go this alone. People who truly care for you will want to know.

As for OMW... be careful here. As BR says, in a lawsuit it may become every man or woman for themselves. But also, you need to keep your boundaries very high right now. Both of you as betrayed spouses are extremely vulnerable, and LB$ by someone of the opposite sex who understands what you are going through is likely.

We don't want to see you become wayward.

BR,I have retained a lawyer and has given him all the evidence.I flew to meet him last month .The lawyer threatened them and is trying to settle for $$ .I told the lawyer that I want them dragged through the courts but lawyer wants to settle as he works on a % of the settlement.
OMW is asking if I could share with her the evidence I have.She has nothing.She needs those evidence in order to file.But she is only suing WW and not OM because she has retained a lawyer already for D.
What do u mean I shouldnt trust OMW in a legal battle?What could go wrong?Should I share the evidence with her?

caracal,i dont have many friends here and my closest friends are back home.I fear if I tell them they wont accept WW if we ever do R.They know about the separation but not the A.I did tell a friend and he has not been supportive at all becos he feels i should just give up and move on.He thinks the lawsuit is a waste of time and money.
Should I let OMW sue with my evidence ?
Yes,I will keep my boundaries very high and having been gone thru what waywards had done to me,i would make absolutely sure I dont become one myself!!

XP,

What evidence is she asking for?

How's your church support group? I'm concerned for you.

Are you having trouble sleeping again?
Are you eating?

Hi BH,

She wants the evidence that I have(prv msg and pics)in order to sue.

Thanks for your concern and kindness BH,Actually people here on MB are my support system too.
I am eating and sleeping ok.Much much better than the weeks after d day.Whenever I think about those times,I want to just give up and move on.Thats why sometimes I have doubts about the lawsuit.I cant risk the chance of a false R or another A.

Well we are all one big support system here. We didn't ask to land here but it's the best place to be.

Well we always tell the BS to give all evidence to OPS, but I think BR's concern is the OMW may turn on you?? Have you asked your lawyer? I think you should help OMW.

Is there anyway it could burn you? BR is rainysweet's IM so maybe she knows something on her AofA case. BR?

quick summary:Been 3 months since WW moved out.Lawsuit filed.I hesitated to share evidence with OMW so she wont be suing WW . I am not sure if I should have shared the evidence.WW and OM will appear in court with my lawyer this week.Lawsuit has put me in a depressing mood again.I was holding up fine until recently when my lawyer started to discuss the lawsuit with me .Plan B was working for me.Out of sight,out of mind.But discussing with the lawyer has brought back the painful memories.
I also have to tell myself not to worry about the outcome of the case.I am not sure if I should continue with the lawsuit.I initially filed becos Dr H told me affairs he had dealt with ended with the threats of lawsuits.My lawyer made threats and actually filed but they are still together.The lawsuit would be meaningless if I no longer wants to R.And I am unsure if I still want to R now.

Sorry you're still dealing with this. Is she living with OM? Will you share evidence now with OM's BW?

What is supposed to be covered in court this week?

Hi BH,how are you?
WW moved out but I dont know where she lives now.OMW wants a divorce so she isnt very motivated to sue now even if I decide to share the evidence with her.
WW and OM will appear in court and give their side of the story.They will be asked to either plea guilty ,settle out of court or fight the case.Lawyer says it really depends on the prosecutor.I am praying for peace and justice.Please pray for me.

I am filing under adultery, which means I am suing the OW. I am doing it because it is the truth and it has ended my marriage. I have no hope for recover, but I have questioned this as well, it is more expensive and at the end of the day my outcome would be the same. I guess I want it on public record. In a sense I want them to be accountable, although in fantasy land, I doubt either of them thinks they did anything wrong.