WD, I'm pretty sure I got the chronology right, but correct if needed. Then print it out and get WH to initial it.

- OW is in an abusive relationship. WH rescued her as a "friend".
- OW had no money, so WH installed her in a hotel as a "friend".
- After exposure, Momma was coming to get OW and take her home this weekend.
- WH was unable to contact OW; Momma probably took her home.

- Now, today, OW, who had no money, was being abused by BF, and was supposed to have been dragged home by Momma, is booked on a romantic cruise with said BF.

Kiddo, the silver lining behind this mess could be that if this is the first time WH has ever looked so amazingly stupid in his stated positions, it's highly likely he'd been faithful to you until this episode.

Wow, the fog is thick for your WH. So thick, he expects you to buy that he is such a nice guy, he had a conversation with OW when his marriage is on the line.

Yeah. Right.

Deb, I am so glad to see some of your betrayed fog has lifted. The reality of your sitch is starting to sink in. Make sure you keep taking action.

Deb, sad to say, but I think Melody has captured your sitch.

Your WH is trying to throw you off with talk of a boyfriend.

His reluctance to write the NC letter shows the truth. Actions, not words.

I expect in the next couple of days, WH might agree to write this letter. Having had the chance to tell OW that he is writing it but does not mean it. That you somehow are holding something over his head to make him do it.

Please start protecting yourself financially. Thanks to this thread, I took an initial step that has saved me. I wish I had taken more, because I am still disadvantaged compared to WH. What I have, I owe to the advice here, otherwise in my BS fog I would have allowed WH to take it all.

OW are predatory by nature... otherwise why pursue a married man? Especially at a young age? If they are prepared to pursue a married man, know they are selfish. They will look out for themselves at all costs.

Deb, start looking out for YOU. Because by doing this, you are also looking out for WH who is, right now, addicted to a predator.

My snoops have revealed that my husband was browsing travelosity looking at rates for cruises sailing out of Florida.

Don't reveal any of your sources or intel to him Deb. Wait and see what he says / does.

So that should show you the affair is still on.

Like I said, the affair has not ended. But you won't know the full story until you hire a PI and have him tailed.

So you and WH are either financing a cruise for her or he is going with her without you.

Hey, it's your money not mine, but I'd be all over that.

So are you going to hire a PI to discover the location of the apartment that you and WH are renting for OW?

Please answer that question.

I apologize for my delay in answering your questions, I just had to reassure myself one way or another if my husband was monitoring this website. What's the point of having an investigator follow him if he knows he's being followed? I had to make a night-time trip to his business (while he was sleeping) and place my snoops on his computer to check his internet activity, etc. At this point, it doesn't appear that he is monitoring this forum, but it occurred to me that he could have purchased himself a lap top, created a new email account to communicate with OW, etc., etc.

I'm not approaching this matter from a state of paranoia, but rather from the realization that his offer to show me everything--to be an open book--is meaningless because where there is a will, there is a way. I am going to get the paperwork from the motel to determine exactly what time he rented the room and checked in with OW. I want to see if the timeline matches what he told me. When I called him at 11:00 PM on DDay, was he truly driving around with OW in the vehicle searching for an available room or were they rolling around in the sack? I just know that he was very curt with me when I called and and he wouldn't say "I love you" which was totally out of character for him.

I have stopped asking him questions and I'm meeting his needs and showing him what a wonderful wife he has. But I know that I cannot move forward into a false recovery. I need to know the entire truth, and I am working on that behind the scenes. Based on his internet browsing, I'm also suspicious that he is buying OW a vehicle. Or maybe he is looking for a vehicle for my son because I often remarked that the old vehicle my son was driving wasn't safe. Maybe he is looking at vehicles to please her, or maybe he is looking to please me. I don't know now, but will uncover the truth on my own. I just know OW didn't have a vehicle when he brought her to town, so I think my husband's browsing for vehicles says a lot.

Edit: Lots more snooping and investigation going on, but I want you all to know that I am taking all of your advice.

Good girl! Deb, I am relieved you are taking steps to check him out. A PI could uncover his actitivies fairly quickly - and with photos. I have a strong suspicion your husband has put the OW up somewhere and is meeting her there.

Because...

1. He doesn't know he's being followed and

2. Waywards are dumb and lazy and he won't be able to stay away from OW's apartment for too long--she'll be raising too much hell that he isn't coming by with the check for the cable/rent/groceries, etc.

I'm not getting the hesitation. This is your money as much as it is his, so why aren't you madder than hell that he is spending YOUR money on OW?

I agree Deb. I wouldn't let him spend any of OUR money on his skank.

I will bet you they have been at it since she was 17 (five years) and you are only now catching on to the affair.

It is ingrained.

You could still discover and possibly rebuild from it but be prepared for the facts you discover.

Agree with reading.

X2

3

Well done Deb, you are getting with the MB program!!!

I think time is of the essence here. You need to get the truth sooner rather than later because your WH is using marital money to fund this A.

Get the PI on the job pronto. Get your evidence.

About the car... don't try to make excuses for your WH. If he was looking for a car for your son, has he raised this with either of you? I did a lot of this excuse making prior to D Day. Your H is wayward, and waywards only think of themselves. Has WH mentioned looking for a cruise for that romantic break for the two of you to get started on recovery yet? Didn't think so...

Hubby and I have been having very rocky morning. I want to vent and don't even know where to start! I just want my husband to be an adult!

Why should he? Why should he change his behavior?

1. Because you ask? That doesn't work. You've tried it.

2. Because he fears losing something important? He doesn't fear losing anything so, therefore, there's no reason to change his behavior.

You'll go around in circles until you get mad enough to step off the ride and refuse to participate in his games any longer.

Yeah, but waywards are not thinking like adults. He is a toddler in a toystore, and he wants both toys. Cue tantrum when that dream is threatened in any way.

I agree with Northwood. Plan A is hard, and we are here to listen for you. But you need to also be taking action. A woman should not Plan A for too long either. Three weeks is enough. You need to start getting ready for Plan B.

But first you need that evidence. Have you got the PI on the job yet?