I have caused a huge mess out of my life.. Have only been married for less than a yr and just gave birth to a baby boy 3mths ago. My husband then boyfriend of 3yrs married me as i was pregnant. A recent paternity test showed e bb is not my husband's. When BH confronted me with the blood type discrepancy upon discharge fr hospital, i was filled with mixed emotions/thoughts and struggling between telling him or not. Everyone was happy about the newborn and i could not imagine what is going to happen next. I was also shocked and uncertain if the blood test was accurate. I only had a one-night thing with OM and intimate with BH more frequent weekly basis. Hence, i thought e bb was more likely to be BH's and did not tell him the truth as i felt i was still not ready to talk about it and the long traumatic birth delivery added to the stress. BH was doubtful and requested for dna test during confinement. Despite my pleas to do the test after my confinement or seek a marriage counsellor (MC), he refused to give in and so we had to go ahead with the test when bb was just 2weeks old. I cried alot during confinement but i know i deserve all these.

BH bonded with the bb during the first 2mths, bathed him, feed him etc everything that a dad will do despite knowing bb might not b his. Seeing that he cared for bb, i felt a sense of family-ness and again struggle if i should tell him the truth or wait for the test results. Again, i hold back which i know is not right. When the results were out, BH was very angry and he confronted me over the phone as bb and i happened to be staying at my mum's plc when he was on business trip the week before. I still did not tell him the full story. He then went to tell his family about what had happened and he came over to inform my parents that he will file an annulment of the marriage. I tried to talk to him to go for marital counselling first before we make any decision but he said he has lost all hopes on me and no longer feel anything for me. He called me names saying im evil.

I still love him and want to work on the marriage but he seem firm on his decision without even considering to try MC. I know it was a grave mistake i have committed. During our relationship, we have faced many ups and downs and i do not feel emotionally attached to him that i always have fear in telling him how i feel. There was so much fear and little communication. I also did not bother him these few days after trying to talk to him and text him which he did not reply as i know he must have hated me and leaving him alone he might feel more at peace. I really do not know what to do next but i hope we can try to work out in some ways first before ending the marriage. Can someone advise me pls?

I would say your husband sounds smart and lucky to have found you out. You've harmed him and your child immeasurably.

Ssarah, I'm new on here so can't give much advice. But having been cheated on myself, the pain is horrendous. You cheated on your husband really quickly after your marriage and now have a child that isn't his.

I think if you have offered him the opportunity to reconcile you should now leave him alone. He deserves the right to make the choice and to have as much time as he needs. I am very pro marriage but if he doesn't want to come back I for one would understand why.

You need to focus on taking good care of yourself and your child. Hopefully you have family around to support you.

Here are some radio clips from Dr. HArley on this very thing.

Radio Clip on what to do when a pregnancy happens from an affair

Radio clip on OC

Please let us know what you think.

Please listen to these radio clips of Dr. Harely telling what you should do in OC situations.
Dr. Harley advises a BW and WH on OC situation

What is it that you wish to save, Ssarah?

You've said yourself that your pre-marriage relationship wasn't very good. It appears you got married because you were pregnant, not because you were suited to marry each other.

You say you want to reconcile/save your marriage, but by your own admission, you cheated on your then-boyfriend, lied about possible paternity issues, his wife gave birth to another man's child without his knowledge, and he bonded/raised a newborn that turns out wasn't his.

This is truly every man's worst nightmare.

It's been less than 3 months since this man has found out that his son was not his son.

If he does not wish to raise an OC, that is his right. If he wishes to divorce you based on FRAUD, then that is his right. This is an example of FRAUD marriage.

Ssarah, I also got married when I was pregnant - so please do not think I am judging you for that sort of situation - but my husband's son is my husband's son and I did not commit fraud when marrying him. You have committed probably the most grave crime a woman can commit on a man.

For your child's sake, please let your husband divorce you if that is his choice. It is unfair to a child to be raised by a man who resents him and does not want to be there. That will have severe repercussions on your son. This isn't all about you and what you want.

Perhaps you should do what is best for your child and your husband, not what is best for you.

Please note that her H married her while she was pregnant, meaning that although she was cheating, she was not having an affair. Her H married under under the illusion that he was the one and only man who could have been the baby's father.

Just want to point this out...

I know i should not have cheated on him in the first place even if our relationship was rocky. The one-time thing happen before our marriage and he married me bcos i was pregnant. I was not aware that the child was not my BH's. I have stopped going out with OM after the one night. After marriage, i was a faithful wife and everythin break apart when the truth was out. I was very regretful about what happened and hoped to seek his forgiveness that this thing happened before the marriage.

So you weren't Married when you slept with OM? Then it's not an affair, but you were dishonest with him.

What do you want? What does your Husband want?

Please read this. Buyers Renters and Freeloaders

But Ssarah, he married you because you were pregnant with "his" child. You understand that your marriage was based upon fraud?

Are you regretful? It wasn't until after the birth that he was told there was a possibility it wasn't his child. Let's be real here - you would have NEVER TOLD HIM if it wasn't for a blood type discrepancy.

You're sorry you got caught.

You want forgiveness, only some weeks/few months after revealing to this man that he married a woman under fraudulent pretenses and that the birth of his child, was a fraud.

"This thing" that happened before marriage was not a drunken kiss at a party when you were dating. "This thing" was supposed to be his child and he felt marrying you was the right thing to do in such a circumstance.

Would he have married you if he had known the truth? No, of course not. I think you are greatly underestimating what this man has gone through.

You said, "I was a faithful wife after marriage" - well, no, you were not. Because you were still hiding your secret. And quite frankly, being faithful in a marriage of less than one year and being newly postpartum isn't exactly something to hold onto. It's a given, isn't it??

Ssarah,

I concur with the others who say your husband is making the right decision in seeking an annulment. You are not good marriage material. Let him go.

AM

I agree with your husband's decision and think you should respect his choice. He was essentially tricked into marrying you.

Is the other boyfriend a married man?

Let your husband go. And don't repeat your horrible mistake again.

You understand that your idea that the baby was "more likely" to be your husband's has no basis in biology and reality, right? That it was only wishful thinking? That there was no reason to feel like the blood test was inaccurate?

Even in the face of proof, you were lying to yourself, trying to lie to yourself strongly enough that you would believe it and your husband would believe it.

You understand enough about the birds and the bees to know that if you sleep with two men, either one could be the father, right? That sleeping with one man twice doesn't make him twice as likely to be the father? Especially if tests show it is impossible?

He does not want to be married to you.
The best outcome for you is to learn from this and take those lessons forward in your life.
Your lies killed his trust in you.
He does not want to be married to a woman he does not trust. He knows what he wants and what he does not want.

Even if your H forgave you today, he may never trust in you again.

The choice is his, not yours.

Enjoy your infant.
That is a blessing.
Depending on what country you are living in, you may consider going after the bio-dad for child support.

I concur with everyone else.

Put your BH and your OC's needs before your own. Let your BH go to try and heal from the devastating pain you have caused him. And then focus on becoming the kind of woman and mother your son can be proud of.

BrainHurts, tks for the radio clips. I guess reconciliation is not possible as the child will always be a reminder to my BH. I know I should have work on our problems and prevent such thing from happening in e first place. After the cheating, i was very guilty and immediately stop contact with OM. All these while, i have been trying to make up for my mistake. I could not confirm the child was not BH until the test results were out. I had not been upfront with him before the marriage as i thought this was a one-time mistake and i am determined not to ever let it happen again. But every sin has its retribution and i tink im now getting what i deserved for cheating.. I also faced the fear of losing custody of my son to the biological father. But i know my husband is going through the worst phrase of his life and many people have suffered becos of my sin. They dont deserve all these.

Where are you living?

I lived in the southeast asian countries.