Hey there mason!!! You are doing great! You aren't just going to snap out of the routine of your life that you have been living for years in a couple of weeks. One of the hardest aspects for me is thinking me or me and the kids and not "us." I have just always considered my H in everything. He doesn't consider me at all. I love what Jay67 wrote to you about how we stayed because of how much we love. It is VERY difficult to stay in the types of marriages we have. The longer we do, the more of ourselves that we lose. I am proud that I took my vows more seriously than to have just cut and run. In sickness and in health means through it all to me. There is another side to this. Why didn't I ever take a look at what I NEEDED? At some point, I needed to have faced it. Sticking my head in the sand b/c there was nothing I could do didn't help me one bit!!! Why didn't I set my boundaries higher and not let him cross them? What is going on with me that I allowed this type of treatment in my life and for so long!!!!? It kinda takes on a life of its own. Having children then complicates it too.

I am miserable b/c he won't leave. I know I will have an awful adjustment/change of routine, but I just don't want him around anymore. Passwords, quiet conversations, doesn't tell me where he has been or where he is going, last minute plans, triggers galore!!!! I don't want to deal with ANY of it anymore!! I don't want to cook, clean, do everything while he sits around playing games and watching tv. He lives his secret second life, comes home does nothing, is not a part of the family, is not there for the kids, leaves everything out, throws his wet running clothes on the floor (whether it is tile or carpet), leaves a mess wherever he is. I am supposed to pick it up. I got the, "I have to do my own laundry b/c you won't do it" comment a couple of weeks ago. Bursn me up!!! Well, when you throw everything onto the floor and it piles up for weeks, you can do it yourself. I am NOT going to go through your piles. I am not your mother. You have two whole loads of t-shirts and shorts (used to sit around in AFTER showering from the gym)that you cold try to use again." He creates so much work for me and expects me to be his maid. NO!!! I don't want to spend my wheels on him!!!!! He can take care of himself!!

So, which would you rather? hehehehe Thanks for letting me vent!!!

So, you didn't send a letter this time around, but do you have ANY communications with him directly? Emails? Texts? etc?

I KNOW you can and will feel better with ZERO contact. That's what I am doing while pointing out the holes in poster's Plan B. Helping you fill in those places will will hinder your recovery.

I have had little contact with him, I am done, grieving the little hope I had,
Scotland, I have read your post and I have always wondered why you had not filed, I get it. I do not want to file either, but I have been though so many more lies and betrayels.
I may drag out the divorce and hope for change. Not sure yet> still want to keep my family together, but not like this.

I haven't filed for purely financially reasons. I am serious when I say that I have ZERO money, and I don't make enough to be accepted for the mortgage on this house without my WH's income being included. As soon as this gets sorted out, I will do what I need to do.

You should have ZERO contact with him. I KNOW how much better off you would be without contact.

I am so sorry, would you not be better off with filing for support? I am so scared at the financial implications. maybe that has what has held me back with my false hope. pretty sure it was a combination of both.

My WH does pay me support, but support payments are not taken into account when applying for a mortgage, only your annual income from an employer. And that, it's less than peanuts, in my case(my WH actually pays me more in support than I make). I am actively looking to rectify that problem, to allow me more options.

After some time in Plan B(for me, about 2.5 years), you are ready to move forward without any thought to your WH. You know that saying, "Fake it til you make it"? Well, that's what happened to me. ALthough I was in Plan B, and was living my life without my WH, I wasn't really ready until quite recently. If I had the financial ability, I would most likely already have filed. This is a comment coming from someone who thought that they would NEVER move on. It's the genius behind PB.

Thank you, I know zero contact is best. I have to train my mind of a new way of thinking, which is hard to do. I go through thoughts of wanting him to come back (I have thought like this for two years) and be the man he was from how could he do this again? I know Plan B will clear my head, I had information overload over the past two weeks. Having a hard time processing the cruelty of it all. My body is riddled with stress and I am still have nausea every morning.

Thank you, I know zero contact is best. I have to train my mind of a new way of thinking, which is hard to do. I go through thoughts of wanting him to come back (I have thought like this for two years) and be the man he was from how could he do this again? I know Plan B will clear my head, I had information overload over the past two weeks. Having a hard time processing the cruelty of it all. My body is riddled with stress and I am still have nausea every morning.

Mason, what you describe is exactly how I feel. I have veered from no hope and wanting to make a new life to desperately wanting my WH back.

That's why I am now quite determined to go into Plan B as soon as I'm ready.

WH's are cruel - I suspect its because they can't handle the guilt.

I do not think he feels anything...No guilt or remorse. It is all sickening!!

Just called my attny...can not meet with me until Sept. 7th. I guess I have waited this long, what is another month.

Have you already paid this attorney?

If not, I'd get a new one.

She has my retainer and she is caught up in a trial and vacation. I really liked her and was reccommended as a bulldog...that is what I need. Last year she was great. I will stick with her...she wnats me to get the most $$$ I can get and really show know mercy calling out his affair and how hurtful it has been.

Truth is, I am ok waiting, he is still paying me, I have vacation with my boys at the end ofthe month. I will then have a clearer head and not speak with so much emotion.

I know that you are in a holding pattern for the attorney, but how are you doing otherwise? What is going on? Do you have any update? I am glad to see you holding strong and hanging in there!!!!

Do not see the attny until Sept. 7th. No real updates, leave the room when he calls to talk to the boys. (which is not everday and they rarely want to call back) Hearing his voice is a trigger, so I make sure I am far away enough. I look back and wonder what was I thinking.... I have plans for the wknd (hate being alone) and a family vacation at the end of the month.
Worried, but I think I will be for awhile.

What self care are you doing for you? This is very important in Plan B.

Self care for myself, I am going to head back to the gym, have not had too much time for myself, but this wknd I will. Trying to look forward to things and hopefully I will be really able to let go this time and what I thought my life would look like is over and let go of the fear. Work in progress.

I read my first posting today and it makes me sad how much time has passed. YIKES!

Good working out is so healthy and good stress relieved.

What other things have you always wanted to do? Write a book? Go back to school?

What things can you do tonight? Bubble bath? Pedicure or manicure?

Do you have an IM yet?

I would still suggest that you get an actual IM. You can't know how much this will help you and your healing.

I do not have an IM, I know I should but trying to see how this goes with the tiny cracks. Did our phone routine, boys did not want to talk and then hung up.

Not sure what to do about the week he has the boys and calling to talk to them. They will be staying at my MIL house, I was thinking of calling her and having her put the boys on the phone.
He never answers the house phone.
Any ideas?