Can you ask your employer to change your email addy? Even if it is posted online somewhere for him to find, at least he would have to work to find it.



Ya know what's funny? It seems that every time I update my thread, my WH does something, or something happens that is worth mentioning. Now, I see it's not just me.

Fingers crossed for that new job.

I had changed it Scotty! About six months ago they changed all our email addresses so the main part of reporters' addresses all matched each other. So he has done the homework to check that out too.

If he put HALF the effort into healing me that he puts into hurting me, and trying to get around my rules, we would be half way to recovered by now.

I was thinking it was weird too, that he would do this just after I updated, but it isnt really.

I updated because of the day - because the day is significant, even if much less so than I would have thought.

The day weakened me, because it made me more curious to see what he would have to say on this day. I've deleted stuff unread in the past without it being a problem.

He deliberately targeted me on a day he knew I might be slightly weaker.

And I allowed it. I am going to be so much more strict in future about deleting unread. NEVER GIVE THE ENEMY AN INCH!

He sucks.

Sorry he put you through that, indie, but you've handled it all as best you could.

Glad you're working on an important story, I'm sure it feels wonderful to have such a chance to make a difference in the world! I know for me, through all this craziness, being successful at work has given me an outlet that I can put in effort and achieve results equal to my effort. If only relationships were the same way!!

Well, you did almost the best you could(since you still read it). Continue on, and learn from your mistake.

I find your analogy of him, If he put HALF the effort into healing me that he puts into hurting me, and trying to get around my rules, we would be half way to recovered by now. to be the hardest part to let go in Plan B.

My xWH has gone to great lengths to avoid all responsibility, and I thought for the longest time, man if he can put this much energy in fighting me in court, wow how healed we could be if he put that same amount in recovering our marriage.

In May this year I finally put those thoughts out of my mind. My great friend and I made a box for xWH in May.

We put him in the "rebellious 16 year old teen boy box "...this box is fun because each time I hear from my friends about how their teen boy is behaving I can check it against my xWH. Teen boys seem to be a big trigger for me because the behavior is so identical. If I have a thought about xWH or something comes up from court I can go to this box where I have this stuff documented and say, "Yup, he is a match." Then I give myself the reassurance xWH is still very wayward, still very immature, still very emotionally wacked out, and by all accounts not a grown man.

Then my box gets put away and I can forget about xWH until he does something hurtful, stupid, or just down right evil. I am in the heart of court again with him, and hopefully by December it will be over. Then I plan to burn the box and never have to think about this rebellious boy again.

He can take his energy used to destroy me and our kids and I guess lump it onto some idiot woman who thinks she is getting a prize.

I am sorry you were exposed to emotional turmoil at his forcing email contact.

I have to LOL though. He sure wants two women. Even if one is a woman he has to tag via email manipulation to say "I am here....remember?"

Sheesh.

Be strong plan B-er.

Can you get your work email address changed?

If you tell people what is happening, can you get your work email address changed? I'm presuming if you had somebody stalking you and had a restraining order, they would change it; they should see this as the same.

He can't email you if he doesn't know your email address!

You've certainly become good at identifying this crap!

Indie. It is crazy how waywards never seem to give up trying to prove to themselves that they are really a "nice and thoughtful" wayward.

lol

I'm a reporter, markos and my email address goes into the newspaper every day urging people to contact me with news.

Reporters dont change their addresses when stalked. In fact if you haven't had a death threat you aren't considered a real reporter!

I am CONSTANTLY being stalked by racists, members of fringe organisations, criminals with stuff to hide etc...

Politicians of course!

We can block addresses and the police are pretty good at handling troublemakers who stand out, but that's about it. My thinking cap is on though.

This new email he's created has been blocked too. I can get my IM to have a word if he keeps it up and I will tell his family about it too. For now though I just dont want to show any response at all. Might operate a 'three strikes and you're out' rule.

I still get a birthday card from my "Plan B"'ed wayward mother, every year. Sometimes it includes not-sane irrational references to my childhood, including taking credit for things my father did for me as a boy, reminiscing about them as if she did them.

She quit including checks about ten years ago, probably because I was never cashing them.

Have you considered changing your name?

Just brainstorming.

Ha, you laugh, but I had the exact same thought! I like to do a wide sweep when I brainstorm so as to be sure I am not missing anything.

I'm taking my maiden name again soon. After the D.

It costs money to change your name legally before a D. So I wasn't going to. And it loses you a tonne of reporters contacts because people dont know who you are any more. Not the close contacts but the fringey ones who are sometimes more important. There are reporters who dont change it to get married!

Now, if I get this job though, it may be worth doing.

It's not a newspaper job but a press office job working for a nearby police force

Press Officers' work contact details aren't publicised online. There's simply no need as the public dont speak to them. The reporters who contact them just have them saved in their address books.

Now he could easily get to hear about my new job (if I get it. Pre-hatched chickens anyone?)

If he did, he could find the press office general number and ask to speak to me. But if he asked to speak to Indie Softlad, as opposed to Indie Maidenname, he'd get nowhere. I could even warn my coworkers about such a call.

But then the rumour mill would prob also pass on my new name.

Unless I did a ruthless sweep of FB, getting rid of all and any potential spies.

And threatened everyone else not to reveal it.

Buuuuuuuuuut. It prob wont work.

Its an idea to change my name at the start of a new job just for my own sake though.

I love brainstorming!

oh indie, i'm sorry to hear about softlad's contact, and on *that* day! (hmm, i wonder how much trouble there is in a-land? dollars to doughnuts you-know-who doesn't know).

but look at you! not too affected, going strong, keen about an amazing trip, new job maybe on the horizon! did you happen to buy some red heels recently? your PB is so strong and mighty, and gives others a hope they don't think they have ATM that things WILL get better.

Why yes I did! Such good instincts you have for guessing a person's style...

In fact I was telling some friends the other day they are just perfect to clash with an electric blue dress of mine.

Supergirl colours.

I'm having lunch in Manchester with some friends tomorrow, so that's my outfit sorted!

In that spirit, consider changing your last name to something other than your maiden name, something he would have a hard time thinking of. Make it THAT much harder for him to get to you

I like

Bardot? Bacall? Loren?

Love it!

Ah Indie caught up on your thread and very interesting and you sound good

What a problem having to deal with the name change as a reporter, and softlad really doesnt know which way is up anymore huh?

Sorry but serves him right after he let his ego fantasies rule his common sense.

Can't say he wasn't warned, maybe he is too thickheaded.

But your not and it's not gonna effect your life and for that I am glad

I do sysadmin work for a living and know a lot about email, and have a thought for you.

Some email programs let you define an auto-reply message using a template like this:

http://tbirdhowto.wordpress.com/category/auto-reply/

I would create a template that looks like this:

========================================================
Subject: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

<Your email>

Technical details of permanent failure:

Your message was rejected because the recipient has blocked your email address

550: Unable to deliver to <email address>
========================================================

Once you have the template, create a filter that matches his email then auto-replies with the template.

If he sends you an email from an unknown address, simply add that address to the filter and re-run your filters.

The idea is that he will always get a bounce message back and think that it's not possible to email you. This will probably cause him to give up because he will think that you never got it.

Might help with other situations as well.

ak