Thanks, Brain...I just bumped Exposure 101 thinking it was here in "Surviving" (where things tend to get buried) and it was in Notable Posts.

I also bumped the newly betrayed thread as well as the "Never take the word of a Wayward" thread.

You're always so great with the links! I must become better at that.

And you're welcome, Nic. I've been there and know what you are going through. My H and I are now closing in on the 2 year mark of recovery and have a better marriage than EVER! I know it works! Exposure was definitely key for me, esp. when I got in touch with the OW H's family!

You have a lot of reading to do. Ask questions when needed.

You should probably also check out Operation Investigation.

One other note - until your H is 100% on board with the program, DON'T tell him about this stuff or about this site.

Good advice!

After you've seen a few thousand of these things, you'll realize that it does matter, very much, if there was a ceremony. The MB program is VERY effective at saving marriages.

If someone is just living together and one is 'cheating', they will find much of value here. They'll find insight into how a marriage should work, things that will benefit them all their lives if put into practice. Still, the chances of a living-together couple saving their R with this method are slim. This has nothing to do with whether a person believes living together is right or wrong - the bond is different, and seldom responds to Plan A/Plan B the way a marriage bond responds.

You would have been welcome here no matter what, but it makes all the difference in the world to you that you're married.

Thank you Neak. That's info that I can digest.

Nic - it is also worth mentioning that for this forum Martialbliss's question was a fair one even though you had already said you were married. You are a new poster and relatively unknown. Unfortunately people do sometimes come here and spin their story. I'm not saying you did that, but my own case is an example.

I came across MB some years ago because of my GF at the time. She came on here and started a thread about me being her "wayward husband". Actually, we were not married or even living together but dating, very long distance (000s miles) and saw each other in person 2-3 times a year.

She wasnt directly questioned on the forum ( as in are you really married, are you really living together) , but talked as if we were. Based on what she was posting she gained a lot of support for her position in terms of sympathy and "righteous anger" towards me. That was what she was after. She would then tell me that all the Marriagebuilders people agreed with her that I was a complete scumbag. They did, I can still pull up the comments!

She was actually using Marriagebuilders to gaslight me!
Soon enough, she was rumbled by the members and suddenly left (pushed or jumped, I believe she was pushed but I never got proof positive of that) after causing trouble with others. I only found her posts much later. I remember at a certain point her suddenly losing all interest in MB. It coincided with her stopping posting..

The one thing I have to thank her for was finding this place; the relationship with her ended soon after.
Happily now I'm remarried to someone else and we started and continued on MB principles. All is good. We read the boards and listen to the audio. However, I was always nervous about posting and still am, because even now the XGF might still read here and it could stir things up.. I have absolutely no contact with her now.

So MaritalBliss's question is actually spot on for somebody new like you. Please be aware that in coming here, people here want to help you have a good marriage, but if they challenge you every step of the way, they are trying to help. Its a way of helping you get to the right mindset for doing MB - do it properly, hold firm, and you are giving yourself and your marriage the best chance. Most of us start without that mindset and to most of us it seems against the conventional "wisdom" ("liberal" thinking, moral relativism, codependence movement, psychodynamic counselling and all its offshoots). It does however, maximise your chances of a healthy recovery in marriage, and a personal recovery if the marriage doesnt recover.
Have you read the books? - Surviving an Affair, His needs her needs are a good place to start.

Great post, sortingit! Interesting how you found Marriage Builders. Glad you are here.

Thank you Melody, I very much appreciate that acknowledgement. I feel as though I've known you - and several others here - for years, but I haven't felt comfortable talking til now. One of the most gratifying things is seeing people come to this board, in a panic and clueless what to do, stick it out, and within a year or so are giving amazing support and advice to others. This place really helps build sanity in people. However, the ones who get there are the ones who take the courage to carry out the really difficult steps.
Absolute heroes all!
BTW - (in case anyone was thinking of asking - I know you guys )- I met my DW about 16 months after the end of my relationship with the xGF who posted here and we started dating two months later.

So anyway Nic, I hope you're up for it. It's quite a journey however it pans out!

Wow, that's one of the more convoluted arrivals I've heard of.

Glad you're here sortingit. It's interesting to see when the posters don't always give the full story how the advice can be different.

I hope you stick around and post.