NO! Don't tell her and stop acting like you are doing something wrong by moving into your own house!!!!!




By that same screwed up rationale, she should have at least given you some notice that she was going to screw around on you.

Quit being nice to this, um, person that you are married to. She sure as hell won't return the favor or be so considerate of you, will she now?


Ok, she doesn't deserve you. Got that? Tattoo this on your forehead if you have to: "WW does not deserve having me in her life."

Why the need to forewarn her?

It is your house.

I say no forewarning......just a "honey i'm home" should suffice.

Someone mentioned that she could call the sheriffs dept & have me escorted out of my house.


What do you think of what she wrote in her profile?
She has no idea that I know about this.

This is the same dating site that I think I met her on.
I think she even has the same handle that she used 8 years ago.

That's why you take a voice recorder with you and, preferably, a witness or two or three. The police are only going to tell the most unstable or violent-looking person to leave. Your job is to be the stable and calm one while she goes nuts.



Honestly, my eyes kind of glazed over. She's wayward, they all say the same crap and it'd do you well to stop trying to find sanity where none exists. I do think that future boyfriends will get tired of hearing about you as that seems to be all that she talks (complains) about.



Think about that for a minute. What really changed with her in the eight years? Not much, I'd say.

If you had kids, I'd be more concerned for you. As-is, I think she's doing you a favor by revealing how loose she is before you had kids.

I am definitely moving back home this Friday!

Over the past weekend, I sent her an email wishing to reconcile & talk about all this...she responded (see above) that she wants to be separated, go on travel nurse jobs, etc....and she agreed to talk to me.

She said that we could talk over dinner (?) I agreed.
We were supposed to meet last night, but I came to my senses. I could not see her & re-live this all over again. All she would have told me is that we are not meant to be together, that she has been unhappy, etc, etc.

I told her that something came up at work & that on top of all that, I got a flat tire (none of this was true btw).
She quickly responded, that it was no problem & that we could talk this weekend, maybe.
No mention about the flat tire or my well being.

Ok, so I now know for sure that she does not care about me, where I am staying the past 3 weeks, nor what I have been doing to cope,....nothing. Not a care in the world.


Here is my plan.
I will move back home...but I am bringing my family with me.
She might leave to visit her family down in Gainesville for the weekend...or go stay with a friend.

Besides the VAR, is there anything else I should be aware of?
My family being there is going to make her mad.

I plan on writing up the agreement & having it ready for her to agree to. Basically, on how we are to take equal responsibility for the mortgage. She will have to pay half of all the repairs, real estate fees, etc.

I will have a lawyer write it into a binding agreement. She will have to pay for half of this as well.

I think this is in for a rude awakening about how this is going to go down. She thought that i could pay for the entire mortgage each month & that she could pay for the power & cable bill.

Sounds good. Make it happen.

Having an attorney go over the agreement is very important because waywards love loopholes.

Once you get home, make a point for you and your folks to go through the house cleaning out all of the nastiness. Put the mattress by the curb, toss the mirror, bedsheets and vibrator in the garbage can.

There's no way you can sell a house that, surely, reeks like a bordello and I'd have no qualms about doing all of this while your WW watches. Ideally, she'll leave the house when she sees that you've brought company. They can stay for a day or two, I hope.

You could always stop by a local hospital and ask if they have any of those red biohazard bags that you could use.

Well, she is going full steam ahead on her dating website.

I just don't understand why she did this to begin with.
Why 2 weeks after d-day?

I guess she needs the attention...or maybe this is something that she has always done to cope. I have no idea.

Why not talk to other friends that are women...why look for another man? I mean she is flirty with this guys that wink & send smiles to her.

She is on curvydates.com
(Florida) (cute...gator...nurse)
She has paid for a membership and I think that is b/c her profile would show up at the beginning of any search.

Dude, first it was, "I'm moving home Saturday," then it was, "I'm moving home Saturday #2," now it's, ""I'm moving home Friday."

You'll understand if there is a modicum of doubt here about the relocation. Get home. Do not let anything interfere. Just move home.

Colleagues, what will we have when this poster actually starts cleaning up the crusty evidence of WW's behavior? "JR, ewwwwwww-ing"

Dude, get home.

I emailed my WW yesterday this:


" Just to let you know, I will be at the house this Saturday night at 8pm. A few people will be there as well. (Cousin's husband) dad is in town from the Philippines.
We are going to cook Filipino & Thai food. My family will be staying over.
j"

Her response:

"So, people are going to be staying the night at our house Saturday night? If so, you can have the house that night. I will find somewhere else to stay. When do you want to get together to talk?"

I'm not saying anything else to her until after I get into the house. I'll just respond, "I'm here to stay".

No talking necessary. I know what she is going to say...blameshifting and excuses. "we just don't mesh together..we aren't meant to be together, etc, etc."

Well, this is a non-confrontational way of getting back into YOUR HOUSE. You'll be in, so that's good - make sure you take all of your things when you go, and DO NOT PLAN TO LEAVE.

Do not respond to her text. Just get back into your house!!

Jeff, why do continue to do things before consulting here first? Yeah, you want to get back in as mb said, but why do you continue to lay out your plans to the enemy before you even fight this battle? Not good. You WANT to make it as uncomfortable as you can in this sitch. You WANT to shock the living crap out of her. I can't for the life of me figure out why you are going out of your way to make this as easy as possible for her. This one is completely on her and YOU are making it so easy for her to avoid the consequences of her actions? Why? Please explain.

Don't tell her ANYTHING you're going to do!

Just do!

No, Viper, I'm thinking this is a really good move on Jeff's part. Think about it: WW has been running the show and has had Jeff at her beck and call. He has shown no real ownership of his marriage or home (sorry, Jeff, but you must admit that's true). She's been driving the bus.

Now Jeff is stopping that. I suspect his WW is suddenly alerted - Jeff is changing the game. Like a good addict, she's going to try to get back control. She can't do that if Jeff stays home. Now JEFF will be driving the bus.

I like it. IF you follow through and go home, Jeff. That's critical.

************** DISCLAIMER ****************
*** I am not trained in psychological ***
*** analysis or diagnosis. I'm merely ***
*** trying to make the pieces fit!!!! ***
**********************************************

JR, were you raised in a home environment without a strong, continuous male figure?
It seems you have overdeveloped respect for, consideration of, and need for approval
from, the opinions and desires of females in your life.

If that's the case: Jeff, I am a female in your life. GO HOME!

Well, for the first time, I disagree with you (although I see where you are coming from.)

WW has been running the show and has been driving the bus. But following the MB exposure methods, I believe he should've gone nuclear with getting back in the house, just as we endorse going nuclear with exposure. If there were kids involved, then no. But there aren't any kids, just her.

Meh, either way can work to get back in, I just believe as much as she has put him through right in front of his face deserves a good dose of residual consequence for her actions and will face none now that his intentions are known.

Just my way of thinking.

It'll sink in with her and she'll regroup. Give her a few hours.

She must have already had plans to be out on Saturday given her gracious offer to let him have the house that night. "That" night doesn't include Sunday, of course.

She just got a curveball thrown to her. She's definitely going to regroup - watch for it, Jeff. She may tell you that she's got something going on at the house that she 'just remembered'. Don't back down. Let her know that she is welcome to have her petit-point club members over at the same time - all are welcome.

THAT'S my problem with this approach. She now has time to think about what to do to mitigate the consequences and ownership of her betrayal. With this approach, she doesn't have to face the music in front of family. No consequences. Easy way out.

I suspect that this has been a way of life for her. Until she is forced to face the consequences of her actions, how the hell can she ever grow the hell up?

I may be wrong, but I believe Jeff is doing her (and himself) no favors with this approach.

Of course, what's done is done.

You missed my last post, Viper. I suspect this is going to be HUGE, and will benefit Jeff.

She is going to be one pissed-off wayward. Good for Jeff!