I think we were typing at the same time. Oh yeah, it can be big, but it could've been bigger, IMO.

I just hope he actually does it this time. Been to this dance before.

I'm right there with you. Get on it, Jeff.

Thanks for all the supportive responses.

Family & others who know me, asked that I let her know that I was coming home. I kept getting people telling me that I could get arrested, etc.
But I felt like many here, that I don't owe my WW anything...b/c its my house.

Anyway, I did a combination of both approaches.

I'll get into the house without confrontation & she will stay somewhere else for the night.

But Sunday night, she doesn't know that I'll be staying for good.
She'll probably text me & see if we are gone.
I'll tell her no..that we are staying.

She will have to work the next day (monday) early, so she'll need fresh clothes, etc.

She will be upset & want to get into the house.
We plan on being in the living room when she arrives at the house.

Ok, so you'll have Saturday to reclaim your space.

Get a new mattress and toss the old one on the street. I'm serious, do you really want to sleep on that thing? Lord knows how many other people have been on it.

Second, you sleep in the master bedroom on your new mattress. She can sleep on the couch, in the front yard, in the tub for all you care.

Move all of your clothes and stuff BACK into the master closet.

Don't for a second act like you're doing anything wrong by being in your home. Don't for a second apologize for being there. I swear if you tell us that you're in the guest room we'll all drive up and smack some sense into you!

Don't forget that her next step is going to be to get you out of the house. Have that voice recorder on you recording every single conversation that you have with her.

What you don't want is her to call the police on some trumped up domestic violence thing.

oh yeah, I am going to be there tomorrow night.
As I stated before, I told her that I am having a cooking party with some family at the house at 8pm.


My email to her:

"Just to let you know, I will be at the house this Saturday night at 8pm. A few people will be there as well. (Cousin's husband)'s dad is in town from Philippines.
We are going to cook Filipino & Thai food. My family will be staying over.
j


Her response:

"So, people are going to be staying the night at our house Saturday night?
If so, you can have the house that night. I will find somewhere else to stay.
When do you want to get together to talk?"


She is 'allowing' me to have the house that night.
What the nerve. I have been her doormat for 4 weeks while living in a hotel. She has never asked where I am living or how I am doing.

She is more concerned about the guys she meets on curvydates than anything else.

I have a VAR ready to go for Sunday when she thinks she will have the house back.

BUT I will be there & I will have family with me as well.
My family will be in the house the whole week while I am at work as well...and next weekend....and the week after.
LOL

Well Jeff, LOL, had you not failed to mention all this last night you wouldn't have heard from me one bit! Ima liking this!

Well, to tell the truth...all your words made it thru to me.

I've realized that I don't deserve what happened.
That I don't have to be her doormat.

THAT I SHOULD NOT BE BLAMING MYSELF!

I have a fear of losing the 'security' of having someone be with me. That they are rejecting me because of who I am inside.

BUT this is not true. I know that I am a softy inside & I'm very nice to people.

Gosh, I am so nice, that I let my cheating lying whore wife, stay in our house so that she could 'think' about things.

No more. I am done with this. I deserve better.

------
Question:
I did ask her in a previous email that we talk.
What is the suggestion for this?
Should I even try to talk to her...what form (face to face, or emails)?

Well, the clang is clearly audible now. Lovin' it! The turn around in your demeanor is palpable...lovin' that as well.

Are far as your question is concerned, are you still willing to reconcile, or are you done? You definitely need to have a face to face either way, but how to handle it depends on what your motives are right now.

I think this is a dandy plan. Jeff, make sure you've got a VAR with you when she shows up. Just to be safe. And no, for crying out loud, you're not going to be arrested for living in your own house!

If memory serves, one of our posters took the family couch out to the backyard and burned it. (WW and OM had sex on it.)

I think that would be a fitting end to your mattress. Check with your local city codes, though, so you don't get fined for burning within city limits

Thank God! You are finally figuring it out!

Good for you. Now - do what you need to do, Jeff! Follow the Plan!

You need to consider, instead, that you are a worthy man who should be with a woman who is worthy of him. You have a remarkable habit of wanting to settle. Stop this! You deserve more! There is no 'security' in being with a person who is using you. Yes, but you're about to change all that, because it's all different with you now. Now you KNOW. Now you are AWARE. You will NOT BE PLAYED. Yes, sir, you do. I don't know if that will be your WW who is busted and wants to recover the marriage, or if it will be a new woman in the future. Either way, you cannot continue to live like you're living now.

LOL, that was mirror mirror. He took it to his parents farm to do it. If I had known this beforehand, I would've introduced him to the healing power of tannerite. Completely legal too. Hey Jeff, if you (or someone you know) have a high powered rifle to ignite this, you could destroy the mattress and mirror with one pound of this stuff. I've done it before, and it's real good, feel good stuff.

No reconcile...I'm done.

This has happened before....and if we did reconcile, I'd put money down that she would either do it again OR she would give us a 'trial' period and eventually file for divorce any way in a couple of months.

I'll never be able to live up to her standards of what a husband is supposed to do. I know this.

I have to ask myself....why oh why would I want to reconcile with someone who is obviously a serial cheater, has boundary issues, liar & puts their profile on a dating website 2 weeks after DDay.

I mean the men she is going after..she has never met them. They have all been guys she met online (except one that she knew from college).
They aren't exactly the classic Other Man...one that works with her or knows her. But considering what has happened, I wouldn't out that past her.

When we are done with our final D papers, I will tell her that I know she had her profile on the dating site. I'll even print her profile out to show her.

I thought about going nuclear on her....going to her work place & having a final blow out on her. But I think that would not be a good idea. I don't want to be seen as a crazy guy or get arrested.

You're speculating. That's not important right now.

Do you want to divorce? Is that your plan? If so, I would suggest you get an attorney NOW.

Understood, and completely agree. You deserve better than this, and she's out there. If I were you I would print that profile out right now for future evidence. Gather all you can right now, because after tomorrow, you may not get too many chances.

Definitely wouldn't go to the workplace. This isn't a workplace affair, so I wouldn't even go there.

Agree.

I do have an attorney ready to go. She suggested we settle on an agreement. She feels that there is no need for full court proceedings. If we had kids, then yeah we would have to go that route.

The attorney is ready to write up our agreement to make it binding. I will give the WW a copy of a fair agreement that I came up with & let her sign it.

Basically in Florida there is whats called a 'simplified dissolution'. Since we do not have children, this is the best course of action to use a simple agreement.

We don't really have any other assets to split except for our house. This is where the agreement will come into play..into how to take care of the mortgage until we can sell it.

I will suggest to her that I live in the house & that she get another place. We will then split the cost of the housing for the both of us.

So far, I have only mentioned, without any detail, to my WW that we should have a simple agreement. We both don't want to go the full lawyer route...no need to. BUT if she wants to contest (which I don't see her doing this at all) then she is in for a BIG fight. I will make sure it costs her some money.

But I see her wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. I mean, she doesn't want to mess up her future dating plans with extensive litigation.

Yeah, the bed she has been sleeping on is her old bed.
It either goes with her or it goes with the trash.

I suspect that after she finds out that I plan on staying at the house, that she'll email me wanting to coordinate a time when she can come by the house to get her stuff.

I'll respond to her by saying, just get all your stuff,..and make sure you get all your vibrators too. lol