So what is the plan now, Deb? It seems the wheels have fallen off the cart again.

So do I! But I don't think I'm a complete failure . . .

I'm frustrated too that witnessing my husband suffer one ounce of pain can have any effect on me! I'm frustrated that locksmith tattled on me and that sent my husband racing home at a moment when I was feeling so strong and good about my decision that I was confident enough to share my decision with others. I'm frustrated too.

I wish I didn't love him because then it would be easy to slam the door in his sorrowful face and not care about his pain. This situation has been extremely hard, but I know that I have made significant progress and for that I have been thankful to all of you for the steps forward that I have made.

Am I a complete failure on this rocky road to getting to a place where I can heal? I don't think so. I'm growing stronger every day. I know that! I can see that in myself, and that feels very good! A few weeks ago, I was an emotional puddle on the floor. Today I am standing. Tomorrow, I will be skipping and soon I will be running.

Don't give up on me.

ok, can we get back to the plan now? He is not going to end his affair. I think you know this.

Will he move out?

1. I'm going to follow advice and check to see if my hubby installed a keylogger.

2. Providing it's possible on Saturday, I'm going to contact MB coaching center and schedule 5 sessions and pay for them with my husband's credit card.

3. I'm going to take a shower, fix my hair, and put make-up on!

4. I'm going to make an appointment with an expensive hair stylist.

5. I'm going to go shopping and buy myself some new clothes.

6. I'm going to do things to make myself feel better and stronger.

7. I want the MB coach to inform my husband what he needs to do to build a new and better marriage in accordance with MB principles, and I will inform my husband that if he fails to do the things he needs to do as outlined by the coach, then he is gone, I will have no further contact with him, and I will file for divorce and move on with my life without him.

That is my plan. He won't get away with any manipulation.

ok, I give up!

Deb,

It will get worse. Please, get him out of the house today!

AM

ok, I give up!

Not acceptable, Tex! If you don't stay on the job, then NG is going to have to jump in, and BWs tend to get offended by males (or maybe just me?) using the kind of "Get your head out of your nether regions" responses that you can get away with.

Don't make me start up the recalcitrant BW butt-kicking engine, okay?

Deb, stop "thinking" and start listening, okay?

NG,

Mel has said on previous occasions that her time is valuable. When posters ignore or reject MB principles, Mel directs her attention to those who want to know and apply MB.

For me, it is too disturbing to watch a train wreak continue to get bigger and bigger when there is inaction. I get nauseous thinking about it.

AM

I know you want me to get my husband out of the house today. I hear that. But I don't want to do it today.

I did not want to do it either...i stalled......i dragged my feet.....i minimized the sitation.....i stalled some more......minimized a little more.....made excuses.....then it was this...then it was that......i do not think NG 's knee and foot has completely healed from all the butt-kicking I received from him, among all the 2 x 4's, head shaking, from everyone else, all very well deserved by the way. It should not take nearly 7 months for a BW to get into plan B and take action. Let me repeat that......IT SHOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN ME 7 MONTHS TO GET INTO PLAN B, but it did.

Do not do what I did.

Bust a move, take some action, you are not doing yourself any favors sitting right now.

Start your engines, gentlemen!!

This sounds very familiar Mel......only because you said it to me 100 times before I got it.....

This is also very familiar.....you also said this to me as well Mel.

Deb....do i need to keep going back over your thread and reposting Mel's advice and others to you???

I can......

Shake the sand out of your eyes and ears.

Get going.

Start your engines, gentlemen!!

Deb, you are being mistreated by your husband.

Financially - He's looting your marital assets to keep POSOW's 22-y/o body comfortable and available for his use.

Psychologically - He's using the entire book of WS tricks to demean and distract you from focusing on his transgressions.

Emotionally - He's got you scared of standing up for your own dignity and rights.

You came here weeks ago, to address (from your own title): Hubby...In Lust with 22 year old

Dozens (scores?) of colleagues have given you the fix to your problem. The only thing left is your trust (in us) and resolve (for yourself) to implement those suggestions, all of which focus on the same actions.

You may waste another week (or seven months!) before bringing the hammer down. Why would that satisfy you? It certainly would satisfy the APs who, in that time, may:
- find a way to shield more $$ resource from your reach;
- conceive that child which would put some money under its use, removed from the marital split calculation;
- browbeat you (with ennui) into a less-than-vigorous legal pursuit.

I (and from the reactions here, my colleagues) don't understand what is preventing you from what needs to be done.

Can you explain?

(Just to forestall the inevitable, I might as well hit "notify" on my own post, to save everyone else the trouble! Howdy, Mods!)

AM, you are witnessing camaraderie. NG already knows that.

MB,

Yep. I know.

I get nauseous because I know the effect this kind on inaction had on me. It took alot out of me. More than four years post D-day, I still have physical ailments and it took me a long time to get rid of the depression.

AM

Hugs to you, sweetie.

Thanks. H was a mess, as well. We are getting better and better now. It was unnecessarily bad for a couple of years. That's the nature of a false recovery.

AM

Debra. The only way your WH will stop is when YOU demand that he stop and show him that you are SERIOUS about not accepting a third person in your marriage.



See. It does work. But you did not carry through with showing him that you are serious.


All he has to do is say this and you back down on your conditions:



What happened to the NC letter and the poly?




Here is what you posted on July 18...nearly a month ago. Nothing has changed Debra except that your WH now knows that you are not serious because he can sweet talk his way out of it. This is the second time.