Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2656388 08/15/12 08:14 AM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
F
Junior Member
Junior Member
F Offline
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
I found out about 2 1/2 weeks ago that my husband has had an affair. I asked some questions and you have answered them. I have been on some projects and asking a lot of questions and getting some answers. I did write a long letter you my husband and the questions that I have asked him, he has only answered 3 of the questions and I feel that he is not honest with me and yes he is still blaming everything on me. His last email he stated that he's not sure if he wants the marriage or not and that is after I had asked him again if he is still in contact with the other woman. He is also really upset at me that I have had some counseling with my pastor and his wife and that I have also told our 2 adult sons everything.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481
Likes: 6
Originally Posted by Feel_Betrayed
I found out about 2 1/2 weeks ago that my husband has had an affair. I asked some questions and you have answered them. I have been on some projects and asking a lot of questions and getting some answers. I did write a long letter you my husband and the questions that I have asked him, he has only answered 3 of the questions and I feel that he is not honest with me and yes he is still blaming everything on me. His last email he stated that he's not sure if he wants the marriage or not and that is after I had asked him again if he is still in contact with the other woman. He is also really upset at me that I have had some counseling with my pastor and his wife and that I have also told our 2 adult sons everything.
Welcome and sorry for what has brought you here.

Who is this OW? Is she married?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
F
Junior Member
Junior Member
F Offline
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
I did get some answers from a military source of things that I can and can't do since he is in the Army. One thing that can't be done is order of no contact. My husband in returing home soon after 1 year of deployment. My sons and I have talked about who we want to be with us for support when we see my husband/their father for the first time. He may not like who we want there because a lot of them are our pastors and their wives.

BrainHurts #2656392 08/15/12 08:21 AM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
F
Junior Member
Junior Member
F Offline
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
her divorce was final on July 13, 2012 and she did it. Her husband tried everything to keep the marriage and their family together.

Last edited by Feel_Betrayed; 08/15/12 08:23 AM.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481
Likes: 6
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481
Likes: 6
Read this?
Exposure 101


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Originally Posted by Feel_Betrayed
her divorce was final on July 13, 2012 and she did it. Her husband tried everything to keep the marriage and their family together.

Did OW BH expose the affair?


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
Likes: 1
G
Member
Member
G Offline
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
Likes: 1
Feel_Betrayed,

Her husband tried everything to keep the marriage and their family together.

Can you please direct her husband here? There is still a chance her husband can reunite his family if he follows the MB program. Does the OW have younger children?

God Bless
Gamma

Last edited by Gamma; 08/15/12 09:05 AM.
Gamma #2656517 08/15/12 05:26 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
K
Member
Member
K Offline
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Have you exposed to the Army, his family, friends, your family, or just your two sons and pastor?

He is the cheater, it's not up to him to dictate to you what the circumstances will be, it's up to you to decide what you require in order to stay with him and up to him to agree to it and comply. Otherwise there isn't much that can be done other than getting out of the M. You do NOT have to stand for more of the same. Has he written a "no contact" letter to the OW and have you sent it?

What do you mean you can't enter "no contact"? Sure you can! Yes he can still see his kids, but you get an intermediary for that.

How old are your kids?

Have you read the materials on this site? Please get "Surviving an Affair" book asap!


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Originally Posted by Feel_Betrayed
I did get some answers from a military source of things that I can and can't do since he is in the Army. One thing that can't be done is order of no contact.

hi FB, and welcome to MB. i am sorry for what brings you here. in regard to your comment above; i am not sure what "no contact" you mean. do you mean between your WH and the OW? is she in the army too? you absolutely can get a NC order on them!

or did you mean between you and your WH? please clarify on that, and whether OW is in the army as well.

you are lucky (in an unlucky way) that your WH is in the army. you will have access to the kind of resources a civilian doesn't when it comes to affairs. i look forward to seeing your next post so we can help you. please include length of your M, how many children & ages, and whether or not your WH has had a previous a. and as much info on the OW as you know.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 792 guests, and 35 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Countfunkula, mollye14, Pansu, sakyt, George Mixflicke
72,372 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Just checking in
by markos - 10/07/26 05:55 PM
Just checking in
by markos - 10/07/26 05:55 PM
What happens if we both have developed aversions?
by Samuel Connely - 10/03/26 02:12 PM
Separated/Dating
by mark_foster - 09/20/26 04:14 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,661
Posts2,323,619
Members72,372
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
deneme bonusu
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0