I think it is wrong to say you are staying for them. Make staying good for you too, do not be a martyr. Stay for yourself (and them) and make the most amazing life with your W. Want it and believe that you can have it. You have another 50+ years with your wife, make them good. Do not make the last two years the one's that define your M for the rest of your life.

As a FWW, I always say it does not matter what I felt then. What matters is what I feel and who I choose to be now. I think that is difficult for a BS to accept.

I read your post a long time ago. I thought I would but in my 2 cents.

It makes me sad when a W does not seem to get the benefits of SF. For me SF creates energy. In my experience it requires a lot more energy on the guys side. I read somewhere that some believe SF takes energy from the H and gives it to the W.

I think it can be difficult to get a W engaged so that SF is interactive. Even if the H is doing everything right in taking care of his W, if she is not actively responding and playing in the event, she will not get the energy rush. I think an A forces the WW to be engaged or the OM would not be willing to risk taking it physical. You will not find many FWW admitting to wanting to have the sex but I would bet most of them were playing their part in the event.

IMHO, if SF is a top EN for H, he needs to find ways to pull the W into the game of SF. Your W does not seem to have a natural comfort with SF; you will have to help her find the energy boost.

You must have a lot of time to think while you are deployed. There must be some aspects of SF that your wife really enjoyed in the past. Bring those memories up to her and hope that she too will anticipate them when you return. Bring back the memories of the good SF moments you had together and make new ones (every day) when you get home. Get that kid to bed early.

If she is tired let her lay there and talk while you explore your woman, the one who has chosen you over the OM. I think you can meet her needs for intimate conversation and affection while slowly slipping into full SF. Let her do most of the talking and you just give gentle positive responses. Eventually you will figure out what you do that gets her to stop talking and get involved. It is all just a matter of time. Take time to enjoy her every day. Over time she will appreciate and crave the attention from you.

When do you get to go home? Spend some time creating anticipation.

I think it is wrong to say you are staying for them. Make staying good for you too, do not be a martyr. Stay for yourself (and them) and make the most amazing life with your W. Want it and believe that you can have it. You have another 50+ years with your wife, make them good. Do not make the last two years the one's that define your M for the rest of your life.

Brain hurts,
Yes I am WW of IP. I am here because he still hurts in the SF dept. The problem seems not the frequency but his feelings of inadequacy in bedroom. I have been as open and honest with him as I can be regarding this issue. He fears I don't enjoy SF anymore, that I find him boring and he is not good enough....all of which are completely false....I did tell him that sex was becoming boring at one point but he internalized that and now it has turned into him thinking he is boring. I know that I need to be the one who initiates more and I am going to try as hard as I can to do that for him as part of his healing but can't right now bc he is deployed. It is the only area we having issues with recovery. I just need some advice from someone, anyone who has been through this. I need to know what else I need to do in order to restore his feelings of sexual inadequacy. It is hard for me to initiate since it is not a strong need of mine for SF..it is his number one. Help! I love him and I want more than anything to help him heal....my heart is heavy today bc I feel like I am failing him.

WhoRWe,

Just less than 2 months, I can't wait. I find myself really missing what we were building.

No