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I need to read up on it more so. Honestly there's so much information on this website it's a bit overwhelming.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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I felt overwhelmed at first, but saturate yourself in it, over and over, it starts sinking in little by little.
Did you read Exposure 101? Trickle effect doesn't work, it should be done all at once, your family included. You need the support!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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See, that's what I'm having trouble with....how do I find these articles?? It has a search our site button, but everytime I try to search for something, it comes up with 0. Unless someone posts links, I don't know where they are finding them.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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Here is the link to exposure You can find a lot of this info in the Notable Posts forum Hope that helps ~RQ
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You can find a lot of this info in the Notable Posts forum (I just thought I'd try being Brainy for a day.)
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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You can find a lot of this info in the Notable Posts forum (I just thought I'd try being Brainy for a day.) LOL, I was wondering if I was stepping on her toes. She is probably sleeping right now so we should be safe 
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Thank you; yes it helps  .
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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She is probably sleeping right now so we should be safe I'm not convinced she ever sleeps... 
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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6877
When you pop the button for the search there is the advanced button below. Hit that one. Type in your search word. Change the dates below or else it defaults to only 1 week old posts. I think 5 years is as far back as you can go.
You can also refine the search with the other buttons.
Hope this helps
nESRE
Last edited by nesre; 08/21/12 06:53 PM.
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setenta y siete,
From the home page, you've read the basic concepts. Two tabs over at the top is a tab called "articles." Those are more specific explanations and examples of the basic concepts. There is also an "overview" which I've heard Joyce talk about on the radio show although I never took the time (5-10 minutes).
Speaking of the show. If you get tired of reading....click the "listen now" button. That will give you the benefit of gaining the tone in which Dr. Harley speaks. It makes the reading more enjoyable and perhaps mroe understandable because you have that added perspective of the way he delivers his message when he's just having a normal conversation.
you're on your way!
opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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She is probably sleeping right now so we should be safe I'm not convinced she ever sleeps... You two are very funny.  Who needs sleep?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Another excellent radio clip on the importance of exposure and why. Dr. Harley also explains all the steps that need to be taken to recover from an affair. Radio clip on steps to take to revover from an Affair
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I'm in the process of doing plan A, but I'm really confused. I'm so mad! I want to just say awful things about the OW! I'm also not quite sure how to meet his EN anymore? It all seems so uncomfortable to me. Do I just compliment him and text and call him throughout the day? What if I know he is doing something fishy, do I just smile and breathe through it and not let on? As far as I know he is not in contact with her. So it appears he is going through withdrawal. He's barely talking to me and we haven't had sex in days. When do I get a chance to talk about how I feel?
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes, this is all the people I've exposed to: This is who I've exposed to: His family, all my close friends, his lifelong close friends, my daughter, the OW father, the OW's best friends' fiance. I have not told my family yet.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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As far as I know he is not in contact with her. So it appears he is going through withdrawal. He's barely talking to me and we haven't had sex in days. When do I get a chance to talk about how I feel? The part in red is key. Assume he is in contact. Plan A is not plan doormat. If he's doing something fishy, texting while in the house or whatever, then you call him out on it. "If you insist on carrying on with the adultery, you will not do it from this house. Please leave." Do you want to stay married to him? I'm not sure if you ever answered that question.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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I have not told my family yet. Tell your family. You need the support.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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An old post that may help All of plan A is a huge huge huge exercise in love and giving...
it is NOT about doing for oneself...
it is ALL about doing for the WS....
and it is called plan A because there is a plan B side to it....
it is very difficult and humbling to give to someone causing so much pain....
which is why there needs to be an outlet...and there needs to be one or two others close that can take the brunt of the anger and frustration...
it is on one level a competition with the OP....
has vile and crass and horrible it sounds it is...
and plan A is about not letting an inch of wiggle room in your own behaviors and actions being turned in to a weapon to be used against you and the marriage....
a huge MO of affairs is the OP will act and behave on their best best behavior.....(falsely) (just more deceipt)
so that any emotional fall out by the BS will only feed the sick junkie mind (WS) that the BS is unstable and controlling and blah blah blah.....
as they get their perfect little OP fix....
let agree on facts of an affair...
it takes layering and layering upon layering of rationalization to justify affair behavior...
that WS are deep down good people....
(they dayum well better be cause if they are just crappy crappy people..then why are you wasting any time and energy trying to be married to someone who is crappy)
so WS are basically good people....choosing very very painful actions....
painful for ALL involved
themselves
the BS
the children and family
and even the OP
the burdon of rationalization justifying and living in direct constant dichotomy of what they know is right is an overwhelming painful burdon....
Plan A is about reaching out to the WS in pain..
EVEN as their junkie actions reaks havoc and pain....
as hard as it is, think of the stress a WS lives in trying to be good while the whole time choosing bad again and again...
WS tell lie after lie after lie..till it becomes them and they barely know how to tell the truth anymore....
BS through this need to remind them and show them the honor and glory in being a truthful person..
people who recieve the information upon exposure owe the WS that they care about them too not just place consequences but to help the WS become the person they are meant to be....
otherwise WS will cave and fold...
and figure they are in to deep
and it's so far gone there's no getting it back....
there must be joy in a home in which plan A is going on
there must be engaging
there must be attempt after attempt to reach out to them and show them that the saving of the WS own soul is of even greater priority than saving the marriage.....
bigger picture of what you want for a WS..is a whole person restored to valueing truth...honesty....integrety...
and while I feel bad for BS over and over again....
it is the WS that are truly lost....
truly hanging in the balance of right and wrong....
plan A is an act of sacrifice.....
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*sigh*
6877, I think we'll all support you no matter what you decide, but if you were my sister I'd tell you to divorce this guy.
There are much better choices out there. Sometimes having a fixer-upper just isn't worth the trouble.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Northwood - Yes I want to stay married to him if at the end of the road there is happiness. I won't let him stay if he carries on with her and he knows that. So far, nothing fishy with his phone and he had his number changed; he's been leaving it out and about. It's only been a week though. I'm just having a hard time with his quietness and him not wanting to have sex with me.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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