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Never thought I would do this, but I disagree completely with you Mr. W. NG is not berating anyone, but telling it like it is. NG has on many occasions taken a soft stance when it was warranted. I have as well. This, IMO, isn't one of those occasions where it's applicable.

I can be a hand holder when needed, but I can also be an [censored] kicker when need be as well. It's up to me to choose how, just as it's your choice to pick how to approach a sitch.

I stand by what I wrote, and still believe in what NG wrote. WAY to many wimpy attitudes on this board from the BH's. Yeah, I know it's tough as hell to have to deal with all this (BTDT twice) but I sure as hell never took a lay down and take it approach either. I see more balls dangling from the BW's on this board than I do the BH's, and that's a fact.

I'm an action guy. Always have been and always will be. It just sickens me to see most of the men here cowering to women that are engaging in these follies at the expense of his marriage and family. What ever happened to fighting for and protecting you family? Where have those long ago natural instincts retired to?

You have your opinion, I have mine, and I certainly do respect yours. But from what I've seen lately from the newbie BHs on this board, I will stick to mine on this one and quite a few others on Page 1 of this board the past couple of days.

Now, the truth of the matter is that I wasn't even responding to the OP's post, but NG's, and in general at that (although my thoughts certainly did apply to the OP as well). However, that's neither here nor there. My main point is that it's quite ironic that we one helluva more lot of action oriented BWs on this board than we do BHs.

That begs the question: why??

Peace

Last edited by Viper; 08/24/12 09:31 PM.

Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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No where did I suggest this poster or any other do anything except what has been shown to work, MW, and as such is the basis of the MB-affair-busting program. Pretty smarmy of you to drag into this conversation my pre-MB failures to conform to "commonly accepted modes of civilized conduct" (effective though they did prove to be!). I will take it, though, as a tribute that you have resorted to irrelevancies in surrogacy for actually having anything at hand to refute my contention that their nameless fear that "something" bad will happen if the BHs in question effectively dug their heels in and screamed, "I'm mad as HELL, and I'm putting an end to this!" is increasingly endemic to modern "culture", counter-productive, and disappointing!

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
No where did I suggest this poster or any other do anything except what has been shown to work, MW, and as such is the basis of the MB-affair-busting program. Pretty smarmy of you to drag into this conversation my pre-MB failures to conform to "commonly accepted modes of civilized conduct" (effective though they did prove to be!). I will take it, though, as a tribute that you have resorted to irrelevancies in surrogacy for actually having anything at hand to refute my contention that their nameless fear that "something" bad will happen if the BHs in question effectively dug their heels in and screamed, "I'm mad as HELL, and I'm putting an end to this!" is increasingly endemic to modern "culture", counter-productive, and disappointing!



Unlike most of the other BH's on page one, this guys "nameless fear" is that he doesn't have a leg to stand on stopping his wife's affair because he himself had an affair. He "fears" being hypocritical and needs help with that and not comments about "modern culture" nor about his balls (or lack thereof).

He could give a crap about the other BH's on this forum or anywhere. He's dealing with HIS crisis....not your Jersey Shore grandstanding about manliness.

Mr. W

p.s. - (effective though they did prove to be!)....WHAT...that's like the White Line claiming the Titanic "effectively" got most of it's passengers across the ocean. You were in jail, out of the marital home, with protective orders in place and having homicidal ideation about OM's children. Your ways put you in the worst possible position but by the grace of God your wife came around and saved YOU from yourself. Your wife saved you!!!




Last edited by MrWondering; 08/24/12 10:01 PM.

FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Originally Posted by Viper
Never thought I would do this, but I disagree completely with you Mr. W.

No worries.

That begs the question: why??

Sounds like an other topic thread...not here.

Peace



FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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...Jersey Shore grandstanding... ? Really, MW? You're reduced to thinly veiled ethnic attacks in lieu of cogent discourse? What's next? Would you care to comment on my ugly dog, too?

Pathetic!

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
...Jersey Shore grandstanding... ? Really, MW? You're reduced to thinly veiled ethnic attacks in lieu of cogent discourse? What's next? Would you care to comment on my ugly dog, too?

Pathetic!

I have no idea what ethnicity you are. Is Annoying even one?


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Enough you two

Let's get back to helping the original poster


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Have you read up on exposure? You ready to drop the bomb?

You could also tell about your own affair. That would really show you are standing up for your marriage.

Remember affairs thrive in secrecy.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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You were in jail, out of the marital home, with protective orders in place and having homicidal ideation about OM's children.

Slight misrepresentations to the story. Might as well be accurate.

You were in jail, Nope, arraigned and ROR'd before 7am

out of the marital home, with protective orders in place This is true.

and having homicidal ideation about OM's children. Had, and ultimately rejected would be accurate!

And those admittedly irrational actions were the spur to shock then-WW out of her fog. The only "saving" that is of import is that we together "saved" our marriage. (That's my polite way of saying that your trying to bait me into a debate about facts of which you have no knowledge, and no inclination to accept them from the only person having them, is reaching yet new lows.)

But why do you fixate on my errors, MW? More pointedly, I would think that where I failed is of interest only in urging this poster to take advantage of the much more rational (and legal) recipe of exposure promulgated herein.

And btw: I'm not impressed by your underhanded "editing" of past posts, after being responded to, to have subsequent calumnies lurk unnoticed. Add this little tactic to twice introducing irrelevant distracting facts into a discussion, and executing ad hominem personal ethnic attacks and I must begin "wondering" where your integrity lies!

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Thank you BerlinMB, BrainHurts, NeverGuessed, MrWondering. Thank you for your advises. They were constructive. The last thing I want to do in this board is to stir up other's emotions. Sorry if I had.

Dear BrainHurts,
Sorry, but I'm not ready to expose. Maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe I don't have enough balls, whatever. I just believe there's hope for us without having to go there.
I did told her about my past affair too. That just made her angry and ran to him for comfort, which was what fused me even more. She claims that she has no one to confide to in her life except him. But anyway, here's an update about us over the last 2 days:

I've finally exploded. I couldn't contain my jealousy, nor being paranoid everytime she looks at her phone. They're not working face-to-face, but more over conference at work. They communicate over Whatsapp. I blew up. I told her they cannot even be platonic, and that if she loves me still, she needs to display some sincerity and action to prove that she values our relationship more than her "friendship". She cannot seek comfort from him, as that's a trigger to my heartaches. She cannot even say good morning to him, platonic friends don't say good morning and night to each other. I cannot accept the statement "we're just friends".She need to acknowledge that they are more than just friends, and manage her actions accordingly. She needs to avoid all triggers that will fire me up. If she cannot show me any signs of sincerity, she have to say her goodbyes to me and the kids instead. If she can risk and live by that, she can continue to do whatever she wants.

I confronted the guy too, demanding that he is to ignore, and avoid my wife at all cost. Turns out that the guy insisted that it was a misunderstanding, and that it was my wife who falsely interpreted and assumed they were having a relationship. He treated her only as a friend, and never wanted to intrude, and had been counselling my wife. What a [censored]! He lead my wife on for an entire month, and still got the cheek to say so. I told my wife, and she got so confused. I told he's just being a flirt and when things got tough, he just tried to wriggle away as if he has no part in it. What a [censored]!

My wife is now going through shock and is feeling very guilty. I told her if she ever needed someone to talk to, it cannot be him. He cannot be the one who gives her comfort, even if really she interpreted, and is really just a friend. She has to let go of that friendship. Yesterday, she called me to accompany her after her night run. I appreciated it. In the past she would be happily chatting away with him outside the house . This shows that she is trying really hard to detach from him.

Even if what the guy said is true, that he doesn't have feelings for her, and she is just being delusional, her feelings for her are real. This would also reflect a serious problem in our marriage. i.e. She's so stressed up by the kids' nonsense, family pressure, and work stress that she became delusion about someone showing care for her at work, and grabbing it to be a relationship.

I wasn't there for her in the past. But I am now.
She has agreed to go for counselling. I think the root cause of our problems stems all the way back to how she manage herself also, her anger, her frustrations.
I hope both of us work out. It's a long road ahead. I hope we can deal with the rebound also, as I'm pretty sure the emotions will come back and we'll need to deal with it again.
But as long as she knows that I love her that much to go through her nonsense, and if she still loves me, I believe there's hope.

Thank you all for your time and responses. This forum has been great for someone like me to seek advise and dump my emotions.
I hope the next time I post anything, would be good news + help to others.

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