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I went back and read the carrot and stick of plan A, I will be honest, I got some stuff mixed up. I don't know if I just didn't read ALL of it the first time or not. So, your right Melody, I am far from finished with plan A. So I will need to adjust my behavior and attitude toward her. I WILL be exposing to the OMW as soon as i can. I tell you, my brain is fried, the stress from this is gut wrenching on top of the heartache and trying to find a job on top of it has not been easy. I know all of you know this if you been through it, how do you keep whats left of your life together, for that much your sanity????? Read this Exposure 101
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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MrI, we understand completely!! That is why it is so important to let us help you through this. We can help you work out the best strategy so you aren't making mistakes all over the place. Let us help you.
We have been through this, are experienced with best practices and are not emotional. We can help you take a strategic approach. WE can really help if you let us!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I went to expose to the other spouse today Were did you go? To their home?
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I don't think they would be planning something like that (I AM NOT 100% sure) but since it started. The only communication i found was daytime and work. She was always home by 7pm and never any nights away. That is not to say they haven't came up with a way. My PI hat is on, trust me on that. I will know something in the next few days. From what i found out about his wife, i don't think it could happen until hunting season.
I think I have one way into her family, just hope it is still a door I can knock on. Keep in mind, she only has like 5 family members. I don't mind sharing my plan, i will post it in the morning.
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from what I know she is a stay at home mom now, if i am to tell her, I will have to knock on the door.
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from what I know she is a stay at home mom now, if i am to tell her, I will have to knock on the door. So, when are you going to knock on her door? Or call her on the phone?
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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from what I know she is a stay at home mom now, if i am to tell her, I will have to knock on the door. That would be the best way to do it. When you do plan on doing this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ASAP, like I said iam almost possitive they are gone for the weekend. I have somebody that is trying to find out for sure when they are returning.
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ASAP, like I said iam almost possitive they are gone for the weekend. I have somebody that is trying to find out for sure when they are returning. Have you driven to their home to find out for sure? And have you spoken to your wife today?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I actually did twice and they live an hour away, so i am being as dilligent as can, for now. Vehicles still in same spot, same lights still on. Trust me, watching people is an area im good at. I use to steal cars for a living, legally of course. I did speak to her yesterday and today, she is actually coming to get somethings today. Then may get more stuff tomorrow.
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on the way back early this morning I was thinking, do you think he may have told his wife a watered down version? Maybe as a preemptive attempt to keep anything she hears not as bad? Does that make sense? or am I not explaining it right...
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on the way back early this morning I was thinking, do you think he may have told his wife a watered down version? Maybe as a preemptive attempt to keep anything she hears not as bad? Does that make sense? or am I not explaining it right... He may have told his wife a watered down version and if he did, he probably characterized you as a jealous nutjob who imagines there is an affair. So be prepared to give her proof of the affair. And whatever you do, don't forewarn your wife or the OM about your plans to expose.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I deffinitely will not be telling either of them about it until after the lady knows. I just hope my wife doesn't find this place before we get further down the road in the process.
It's just sad, I do not know this person. Things had been getting better since we got back from our anniversary camping trip in May. Just 2 days before i confronted her she was doing everything like normal. She spent hours Curled up on me in the recliner sleeping on my chest, we always cooked dinner together, we helped each other with chores, we had even got back to talking more and being more affectionate to each other.
When I confronted her it was like the seen from the exorcist, the venom and nastiness spewing out of her mouth while her head was spinning was scary. it is like a light switch got turned on and other than a few times she has acted decent and showed small glimpses of the woman i married, she is like a rabid dog backed into a corner.
how can someone switch like that?
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They all switch like that when confronted.
Last edited by high_road; 08/31/12 01:23 PM. Reason: spelling
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how can someone switch like that? That is how an addict behaves. She was fine as long as you didn't interfere with her affair. But once you did, oh boy!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Okay, today i went to tell the other spouse and no one is home still. He is back at work, but his wife ain't home. Same vehicles parked in the same spots outside the garage, is she still out of town and he is home driving her car?? Should I take the chance to mail it?? I am trying to do everything i can to find out where she is. My contact at the office is getting cold, fear of getting fired if found out.
AND Friday my wife came up with the idea to seperate for six months to fix herself??? She spent all weekend packing and was EXTREMELY nice the whole time. Does she really think im that stupid? I know she didn't come up with this on her own and not to mention we can't afford it, unless he is paying for it.
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Keep working on getting to OMW despite the drive. We lived there seven years, so I know it's a pain driving across town like that.
After talking to her, I'd write an individual letter to every person that your WW works with, explaining why she is working out of the office and asking them to use their influence to break up the affair.
Your actions so far have just been a temporary bump in the road for your WW and OM. She moved out and has regrouped--hence her pleasant attitude. You don't want to lose momentum here.
Do you have children with her?
Me (BH) FWW Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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I sent a mesg. through facebook to the OMS last nite. Wasn't sure if she would get it or not. I was kind of running out of options. My wife started texting me like a rabid dog this morning at 5:30am. She is demanding a divorce right now, telling me she is **insert any typical response*** and calling me every name in the book. I wanted to make sure the other spouse got the email before i sent it to anyone else, I am not a 100% that is what my wife is pissed off about, she said she found out who I was talking to at her job, so should i go ahead and send it to her coworkers on the presumption that she did get it? Oh yeah, he isn't going into the office today.
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I can't believe you haven't sent it to her work before now. Put on your big boy pants and just do it already.
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I sent a mesg. through facebook to the OMS last nite. Wasn't sure if she would get it or not. I was kind of running out of options. My wife started texting me like a rabid dog this morning at 5:30am. She is demanding a divorce right now, telling me she is **insert any typical response*** and calling me every name in the book. I wanted to make sure the other spouse got the email before i sent it to anyone else, I am not a 100% that is what my wife is pissed off about, she said she found out who I was talking to at her job, so should i go ahead and send it to her coworkers on the presumption that she did get it? Oh yeah, he isn't going into the office today. I can't believe you haven't sent it to her work before now. Put on your big boy pants and just do it already. Agree and send a certified letter to WH's BW. The OM probably intercepted your message to BW and that's why your WW is so angry.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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