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False recovery
False recovery voices of experience

Scanty,

the pain does lessen. Like someone said, it doesn't completely go away, but you get used to your new situation, so to speak. I remember the intense, horrible pain you're experiencing. I was actually suicidal and had to be prescribed antidepressants. To give you a little background - my H had a 1.5-yr PA and then about 6 more months of EA (we moved, so they couldn't see each other anymore). I was destroyed. Like you, I felt like I lost all my identity. I also lost a baby at 23 wks and later found out that he was seeing OW during that time and that's why he wasn't there for ME while I was in so much emotional pain. Anyway, 5 years later I can finally say I'm doing better. Our marriage is better. I am unofficially following MB principles and he does too, although he told me he was reading something else. He and I need to get on the same page, LOL. We also had counseling, which helped us deal with the emotional pain at the time.

Looking back, I can't believe how much pain I was in. It really is better now. The other day, while talking to a co-worker who knows nothing about my marriage problems, I surprised myself by saying I had no regrets regarding marrying young and my marriage in general. Wow! That was the first time in the last 5 years that I felt this way.

I appreciate all the kind hearted advice here. However, I really don't get why everyone assumes that I don't have full disclosure and/or that "I" even believe that I don't.

None of you are me. You aren't in my specific situation. You don't know what he has told me and the reasons why I absolutely believe I have the truth of everything I need to know. My post was not even about "how" to heal. I was simply asking if it's possible to not have pain anymore. Inevitably subjects of how people have healed or are attempting to heal will come up. I get that and some of it has been helpful and I know it was all given with good intentions.

But I absolutely have full disclosure. Zero doubts. End of story.

I will likely buy the book Surviving an Affair, since apparently it is the only thing in the universe that can possibly save my marriage, but I think I'm done with this thread. It's too hard to read.

I don't know of any other program that CAN and I have been reading for 11 years. Most don't even believe that the romantic love can be restored to your marriage. Marriage Builders is completely different from any other plan out there.

Sorry, Scanty. We can only go based on your descriptions of how the situation unfolded; indeed as you say, we aren't you, and we only have the facts you've shared with us. If there are other concrete actions or circumstances that give you assurance, to which we're not privy, I'm truly glad if that's the case. I just know (as a former wayward) that it's important for a betrayed spouse to go based on facts & evidence, where practical.

Short answer: Yes, it's possible. Of course, it's not random; there are things you can do to better your odds of that outcome, and it seems you've done certain of them; but that gets into "how to heal" territory, so I'll leave it at that.

I didn't mean to elicit the sarcasm. My recommendation for you to get SAA indeed came with sincere good intentions, and I don't get a dime for saying so or for posting to you on Labor Day Weekend. SAA is not the only way to healing; there may be others. But what it's all about is bettering your odds, and I figured you might be interested in that.

Gimme a shout if you have other questions sometime later on.

Scanty,, what we are trying to tell you is that the fastest way to make the pain go away is to make the present GREAT. That is what this program achieves.

Scanty,

How are you today?

Because, most likely, you would have shared the full disclosure means and methods with us as it is very pertinent to the discussion/question. If you are comfortable with the information you have, then great. If you have zero suspicions that it was a PA then great.


Yes, it is possible to heal from an A. So is climbing Mt. Everest but not without proper training and gear.


Dr. Harley has hundreds of success stories under his belt which is widley published. There is a very good reason why SAA is one of the best selling books of all time on the subject.

SAA is your training and gear to climb the R mountain.

Without it, I do not believe we would even be in R.


best of luck to you. I really mean that.

You and I have that in common, although my H had a year-long emotional attachment to OW. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt they had no carnal knowledge of eachother.

Still it was 10 months after NC before the wound to my identity and ego had healed enough that I could pull the rusty knife out of my gut, and once again have a healthy appetite for food.

The pain is going away. I thought it might never stop hurting. My H has followed rigorous EP's and insists on deep and radical honesty, never tires of keeping me posted on his whereabouts. THOSE are the things that made the pain start to recede for me, in addition to fulfilling EN's, avoiding LB's, talking out everything.

The farther away your H gets from No Contact with the OW, the clearer and clearer his head will be.

Wishing you success in your recovery,
IARTQ