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I know most people think I should divorce. I just want to do everything possible on my side so that when I do decide to divorce, I'm 100% with that decision. I don't want to stand there and sign papers that I don't want.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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I know most people think I should divorce. I just want to do everything possible on my side so that when I do decide to divorce, I'm 100% with that decision. I don't want to stand there and sign papers that I don't want. Ok. That makes sense. Plan A it is, then. How about a quick refresher--do you have spyware on his phone and a keylogger on the computer? Go through his vehicle and see if you can find another phone.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Put spyware on the phone, then you will know if there is contact or not. He may be leaving the phone available to give you a false sense of security.
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How old is your daughter?
How did your first marriage/relationship end?
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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I tried last night to figure out the a keylogger and I looked up spyware to put on his phone. I was confused about it all, how hard is it to install and will he be able to find it. I have been through his car but I'm getting an intuition that I should do it again, and someone on here said to look in his spare tire compartment, I never thought of that before. And yes I already thought the phone be left out could be false security for me.
My daughter is 14 and her father and I never married and were broke up before she turned 1. I never really dated again until my husband.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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Posts: 122
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All I know, is that I need help through this, no matter which way my marriage goes. This website has given me more insight to my situation than I ever would've learned from anyone else.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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Posts: 4,653
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For a keylogger, I'd go with eblaster. It's about $100 and works very well. They have step-by-step instructions for installation and, once it is set up, it emails the reports to you so that you won't have to access the monitored computer again.
Cell spyware works on those phones that can access the internet. From the phone, you download and install the program. The one I used (mobistealth) gave reports through its website--I'd go to their website, log in and view the information from the phone.
Neither are obvious to the user--there are no icons flashing in the background, no programs listed in the list of running applications, so they should be invisible. If he were to find them, you'd just shrug and say "huh, that's weird" and go about your day.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 08/23/12 03:18 PM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Posts: 122
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Thank you Northwood, I know this is the route I need to go.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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You've been given great advice. This place is the best! Before I found this site, I was on another one, it was awful! What I like about this site is it has a plan and people are respectful...the mods get onto the ones that aren't. And it works!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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I'm going to try to get eblaster installed on his phone, does anyone know how long it takes to download? I'll only be able to get his phone when he is sleeping.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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Posts: 3,066
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I have heard that it only takes a minute or two
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Okay, I am going into plan B in 2 days. How the hell am I going to be able to get all of his stuff out of the house?
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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Okay, I am going into plan B in 2 days. How the hell am I going to be able to get all of his stuff out of the house? Just box up a suitcase or so and in your Plan B letter you can tell him where the rest will be. Are you ready? Do you have your Plan B letter? Do you have an IM?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes, I do. I will just pack up what I can then. I have a letter and I have an IM. Do I put the conditions in my letter of how we can reconcile? I'm flying out for a week as soon as he gets his no contact letter. Am I ready? I have to be...
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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Yes, put the conditions in your plan b letter such as ending all contact for life and committing to a recovery plan. Glad to hear that you are launching!
~RQ
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Does your family know what is going on? I want to make sure you have plenty of IRL support while in plan b.
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Yes, I do. I will just pack up what I can then. I have a letter and I have an IM. Do I put the conditions in my letter of how we can reconcile? I'm flying out for a week as soon as he gets his no contact letter. Am I ready? I have to be... Post your Plan B letter here so we may help you.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Okay, I am going into plan B in 2 days. How the hell am I going to be able to get all of his stuff out of the house? How much stuff are we talking about? You could put it all in a rental storage unit, give him the key and information in the Plan B letter, saying that you've paid the first month's rent but he will be responsible after that.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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I just told my parents today, yes I know that was supposed to be before. I've literally told everyone but them. Yes they were suportive, I should've told them before. I will post my letter as soon as I can. He has to much stuff for me to get out before I leave. I will do what I can, maybe I can do it if I get some help. I feel so nervous now. Plus I'm nervous about my part of no contact, how much withdrawal I am going to go through. I will post the letter first thing tomorrow; he is home now and has no idea what is coming.
BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
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