Well sadsam, if you DONT want the stress, the guilt all the rest and not struggling years later???? then YOU can do something about it.

I was a cheater like you. I changed my selfish bahaviour.... and yes I told my DH everything he wanted to know and which I didn't want to tell him ... but I did. Yes I resisted too but got some friendly 4x4 and a kick in the butt from the good people here ..... I could tell him or lose my M... knowing I may loose it anyway. My DH DESERVED to know he had the RIGHT to know.

Yes I was scared... ashamed... and still a bit foggy in my reasoning ... but I did. My DH said how can I forgive or think about that if I dont know what it was? I wanted to brush it under the carpet just like most WW's.

MB plans can work. So much common sense really.... goes to show you how much of that is around!

If you want it to stop this nightmare and have a real chance of your family remaining your family .... and even if you doubt what you have been told here .... then I urge you to contact Dr H here on the contact details above in the red banner area and work with his team on a plan for YOU!!

I won't pretend it won't be hard.. of course it will ,,,, but its better than spinning like a top getting deeper and deeper into a mire of self pity... pain for everyone... and destruction of your family ...at least don't kill your family relationships without trying!! Try wiht your whole being... everything you have. Yes you may loose,,, no guarrantees in this world ... except taxes and death.

Give your husband the opportunity to decide his future. Either way.. with or without you he will loose a portion of his happiness ... but ... he then has a chance to rebuild one way or the other. Can't you see how he deserves that?

Your kids ...No matter if adults ... will be proud to see you fight for your M ... oh yes they will be angry with you and you won't be their fav person for a while .. but if they see you working on the issues... the pain you caused.. being upfront and accepting the responsiblity for the decisions you made.. then they will come to see that. Mine did eventually.

Right now sadsam you are using the same old excuse I tried .. but it will hurt him... but he will divorce me .. but but but but but ..... thats why you get the not again type of response from the good people here ... they have heard it from every WS around.

Stop the downward spiral and get Dr H or one of his team and get a plan to rebuild... up to you.... more selfishness and emptiness or a chance to remake your life WITH your husband and family.

Sadsam,

Did you see the MODS notes on making two aliases? This is you correct?
Sadsam's other alias

I encourage you to visit a psychologist.

Hello....my name is Sadsam777 aka 4tomorrow, and I am an addict........

I have ruined my family and my life with my lies and have ignored all who have tried to help me. I have quit going to my church and my counselor and even talking to my friends. I am a complete and utter failure at life.



Thank you aussiewife. I wish I had the courage but I don't.

HDW, A psychologist might help but I would probably just ignore his advice also.

Thank you to all who gave me advice and even those who smacked me verbally, but I can't do it anymore.

Sadsam you need to help yourself and visit a mental health professional.

You need to speak to a psychologist or psychiatrist today.
Call your local hospital and ask where you can get urgent mental health help.

sadsam777,

There is no dishonor is asking for help.

What do you mean you are an addict ? Do you mean you are addicted to your affair partner ? Do you mean you broke contact and feel like a failure ?

Oh ss777, you can climb out of this pit. You can !

There are no happy endings with affairs. Believe me--I know.

I kept going back to the affair until I hit rock bottom. Until I couldn't stand myself and the way I was living.

My withdrawal from my affair partner lasted for months...I was physically ill, my hands shook constantly, I couldn't think straight. I took it one day at a time. 24 hours ss777. And then I got up and aimed for another 24 hrs. Soon it became weeks and then months. When I felt tempted to break contact, I told someone, and they talked me down from the ledge. Now I don't even WANT contact. No way. No thanks.

Get some anti-depressants and then come back here. We'll be waiting for you.

saddam we dont want you to do it anymore either. In fact many here are very passionate about it. It doesn't matter if your M is recoverable or indeed if it should be right now... what matters is that for the sake of yourself and your family you stop being a WW and restore yourself.

Brave? me? you must be joking. I was so scared I spewed up at the thought of telling my DH. As for sanity? dont believe it.. my way of ending the pain I caused was again a selfish choice ... THANK GOD my DD found the drugs I had hidden and rang my sister ... a doc ... who had me committed... see thats my courage... didn't have the guts to face what I did... not then. It took 10 days in hospital to get myself out of that hole I dug for myself. YES I did it to myself. Then Weeks and months of therapy SEPARATE from MC

THERE IS NO SHORT CUT

sadsam ... I would have missed the blessed glory in my DD eyes
when she married her wonderful H .... I would have missed my son becoming a dedicated brave and courageous soldier .... I would not have given birth to my youngest son ... our most wonderful gift from God ... because I was AGAIN being selfish... yes I was sick.. but I should have asked for help .. I knew I needed help ... too ashamed.. too scared .. too hard... easier to just let it all go... OMG sadsam.. don't you see what I nearly lost?

YOU have an opportuntity and people willing to give you the push... the whack around the earhole.. the support and care to fight back from adultery and where you have put yourself.

sadsam.. first get well.. see your doctor,,, get antidepressants if required... THEN you begin ... but no one can do it for you.

I will pray that you will take the first step to get well and that we will see you here again soon.

sam, aussieswife is right - regardless of what happens to your M - whether it is/can be recovered or not, for your sake, for your kids' sake (even though they are adults), you must stop being a WW.

Sit for a moment and imagine what life will be like with your AP. Destroying and humiliating your BH. The way people will look at you, gossip about you. Loss of some of your friendships. The way your kids will look at you. The loss of trust, not just your BH, but other women, who will not trust you...after all, if you didn't/don't value the sacredness of your own M, why would you value theirs? Marriage to this OM who has so many "wonderful" qualities, one of which includes the ability to disregard the sanctity of M? Stop looking at the OM with blinders on and understand that NONE OF US, when wayward, are worth spit as human beings. Ask yourself this - are you really presenting the truest version of yourself to your AP? Because I know I didn't. I presented the best me, using a lot of creative license on my personal and marital history. He's presenting his best to you. Fake. False. Like the storefronts in old western towns that are larger and more ornate than the buildings they conceal. You can't live your life like that, sam.

There is hope, there is a way out! You don't run from it. You face it head-on.

I was wayward myself. I know that taking that look at yourself in the mirror - a *real* look - and seeing yourself for who and what you truly are and what you are capable of is not an easy thing to do. But you can do it. If you don't want the help here on the boards, please find help IRL - a mental health professional, a clergy member, a family member.