|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 12
Junior Member
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 12 |
Lucky if we get 4 hrs a week and that's mostly in weekends. Cant force him to spend time with me nor can I force him to read marriage builders etc. I do try and encourage activities away from the computer, nights out etc but he is happiest in front of the computer and dont want someone spending time with me under duress.
What have Idone in last two years to make sure this wont happen again - read, tried to organise time together, focussed on his happiness, havent nagged about housework, his work, child rearing etc.
Feel miserable and exhausted from putting on a happy face constantly.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Ok, if you and your husband won't use the program what do you want us to do?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
We already gave you advice on how to have a great marriage and you didn't follow it. What more can we do?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 12
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 12 |
Was hoping for advice from someone out there who may be in the same situation - not just advice from a wronged wife. Thought the mandate of marriage builders was to provide an encouraging and supporting community regardless of whether only one or both partners try to follow theadvice.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 13
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 13 |
Was hoping for advice from someone out there who may be in the same situation - not just advice from a wronged wife. Thought the mandate of marriage builders was to provide an encouraging and supporting community regardless of whether only one or both partners try to follow theadvice. I think you are missing Melodylane�s point. The point is: There is nothing anyone can say or do that will help you. Your So called husband don't want to change.He is what he is.And you should know this by now.. What you should do is ask your self is. Why i�m still in this "marriage"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
deepsigh, you have already been given great advice. Are you asking that we take the time, once again to write the same advice to you that you won't use?
Want new advice? If you don't want to continue in this manner, and your husband isn't on board with creating a better marriage, then enter PLan B.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389 |
We have not dealt with adultery and our child (same age as yours) is not an OC.
However, we did fall into the same trap of very little UA time (and the rest of it spent in the same room but being occupied with TV/computer games).
The fix for us was VERY simple. We simply made UA time the priority (15 hours+ for us, you are looking at least 20+ since you are dealing with post-affair). Quit being lazy and spending time with electronics and more time together as a couple. Employing family/babysitters. Dating.
Dr. Harley does not suggest UA time to help a marriage, he prescribes it. And it really does work.
When we don't have enough UA time, my husband throwing his dirty clothes on the floor can annoy me. When our UA time is 15-20+ hours including recreational/sport dates (which are our favourite activity together, rather than dinners etc), then he could light the house on fire with gasoline and I would still be a giggling school girl.
If you are looking for another answer, it does not exist.
You complain of living like roommates, well, it's because you do. In college, I had a roommate - we spent time in our rooms studying. No romance for her! How can I stay in love with my husband like that?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389 |
Deepsigh, I can only compare it to this:
You're extremely overweight and dying of disease. You eat 10 pizzas a day. You know it's killing you, you know the solution is to stop eating pizza, but you keep doing it and think that some magic diet pill is going to come along.
It ain't going to happen, end of. You're going to die of a heart attack until you do the very basic common sense task of changing your bad habit of stopping out for pizza 10x a day.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Was hoping for advice from someone out there who may be in the same situation - not just advice from a wronged wife. Thought the mandate of marriage builders was to provide an encouraging and supporting community regardless of whether only one or both partners try to follow theadvice. deepsigh, the mandate of Marriage Builders is to help people learn and implement Dr. Harley's advice and principles, not to encourage people to believe that things can be okay in a situation where Dr. Harley would say things cannot be okay. Dr. Harley would say you need to solve this problem of your husband not being interested in your marriage. You have got to make this problem top priority. Not put it on the back burner for two years. How many times have you talked to your husband about this problem in the last two years? You cannot solve this problem alone. You cannot implement Marriage Builders principles alone. You have got to focus on getting him on board. You have got to let him know that you cannot live without this. Please read: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.htmlhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit.htmlhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit2.htmlhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit3.html
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Lucky if we get 4 hrs a week and that's mostly in weekends. Cant force him to spend time with me nor can I force him to read marriage builders etc. I do try and encourage activities away from the computer, nights out etc but he is happiest in front of the computer and dont want someone spending time with me under duress. Have you considered writing Dr. Harley directly and getting his advice for your situation on the Marriage Builders radio show? mbradio@marriagebuilders.com http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.htmlhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_programDr. Harley talks about situations like yours every single week and offers suggestions about what to do to get your husband involved. You could listen daily and probably pick up a lot of information. What have Idone in last two years to make sure this wont happen again Okay, but Dr. Harley says one of the most important things that needs to happen is that your marriage needs to become better than ever. That won't happen without the involvement of your husband, so start learning what you need to do next about this very serious problem.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
We dont talk about affair or our relationship,, I just focus on trying to keep him happy, You need to talk about your relationship. Dr. Harley advises you to talk about your relationship. You must start discussing it with him. Please read: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8115_prob.htmlhttp://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2392578#Post2392578
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Dr. Harley had advised a wife that if her husband WOULD NOT meet her needs then they should separate. That is my advice to you.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
319
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,495
Members71,969
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
