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Originally Posted By: TryingEverything
They live a thousand miles away. She lives with her parents. WXW and I are not on speaking terms.


Weren't you trying to get a job near the kids?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Why have you stopped trying to get a job near your kids.

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I am trying to get a job in New York, but it is very difficult in my field.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Had a great four-day Father's Day weekend with the boys. I have them again this Friday for about 10 days!

It's kind of weird when they suggest that their mom and I should get back together. They say it all the time.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted By: TryingEverything
Had a great four-day Father's Day weekend with the boys. I have them again this Friday for about 10 days!

It's kind of weird when they suggest that their mom and I should get back together. They say it all the time.

hurray

What do you tell them?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Today is the 10th anniversary of my wedding.

We had an amazing wedding. It was in the Hamptons on Long Island. The reception overlooked the ocean. The weather was perfect. That night we stayed at the Four Seasons in Manhattan, then flew to Paris the next morning.

For our honeymoon, we spent a week in Paris and a week in Provence eating the best French cheeses and quaffing wine. It was idyllic to say the least.

Cut to 10 years later...

Her affair took our marriage, our house, our savings, our retirement, and has hurt all of us beyond imagination.

OM is gone. After WXW moved back with her parents, the adulterous relationship dissolved within 6 months.

I live in alone in an apartment. WXW and the kids live a thousand miles away in her parents' house.

For the past week I've had the kids with me at my apartment. I have them next week too. It's great having them here.

They fly as unaccompanied minors all the time nowadays. When I picked them up at the airport last week, my eldest (8) said: "It's good to be home, Dad."

It's on days like today that I wonder how WXW is dealing with it. It's hard enough for me, but for her the guilt must be overwhelming.

Happy anniversary, WXW.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Don't assume the guilt is overwhelming.
From my experience and reading others, waywards JUSTIFY their actions.
I'm sorry; I know it's probably a rough day for you.
Have some ice cream with your kids and be thankful for what you do have.

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Originally Posted By: TryingEverything
Today is the 10th anniversary of my wedding.

We had an amazing wedding. It was in the Hamptons on Long Island. The reception overlooked the ocean. The weather was perfect. That night we stayed at the Four Seasons in Manhattan, then flew to Paris the next morning.

For our honeymoon, we spent a week in Paris and a week in Provence eating the best French cheeses and quaffing wine. It was idyllic to say the least.

Cut to 10 years later...

Her affair took our marriage, our house, our savings, our retirement, and has hurt all of us beyond imagination.

OM is gone. After WXW moved back with her parents, the adulterous relationship dissolved within 6 months.

I live in alone in an apartment. WXW and the kids live a thousand miles away in her parents' house.

For the past week I've had the kids with me at my apartment. I have them next week too. It's great having them here.

They fly as unaccompanied minors all the time nowadays. When I picked them up at the airport last week, my eldest (8) said: "It's good to be home, Dad."

It's on days like today that I wonder how WXW is dealing with it. It's hard enough for me, but for her the guilt must be overwhelming.

Happy anniversary, WXW.






Sorry for your pain today. Special days are tough.

Build new memories. Do things with your kids. Make it your "kid anniversary ".

Stay busy, my friend. What self care are you doing for yourself?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: HDW
Don't assume the guilt is overwhelming.
From my experience and reading others, waywards JUSTIFY their actions.


Yes, before the affair ended, I would agree. But now, I doubt it. For a mother to see her sons in pain and know she's the cause must be devastating.

Originally Posted By: HDW

Have some ice cream with your kids and be thankful for what you do have.


We did exactly that. Got the boys for another whole week too!


Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
What self care are you doing for yourself?


I exercise. Eat right. Listen to a lot of self-improvement cds. Have some good friends I hang out with. I'm fine really.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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It's been a while since I posted on my own thread. I had a good summer. Had the kids for several weeks. It was fun.

I'm posting today because this morning WXW sent me a pic of the boys dressed for their first day of school. Nice gesture, right?

Unfortunately, my older boy was wearing a t-shirt from Whistler, Canada. This is where she spent a week last summer with OM. Yes, my son is wearing a commemorative adultery t-shirt on his first day of school.

She just doesn't get it, and she probably never will.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
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Too bad you can't Plan B her.

Sorry for the trigger. frown

Did you ever get to move close to the kids?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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No, BrainHurts, I still live 1000 miles away. I'm spending a fortune on visitation.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Jul 2008
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TE,

Unfortunately, my older boy was wearing a t-shirt from Whistler, Canada. This is where she spent a week last summer with OM. Yes, my son is wearing a commemorative adultery t-shirt on his first day of school.

Sorry to hear that, but it's not uncommon for wayward spouses to attempt to legitimize their affairs in that and similar ways.

Do your sons know enough about the affair to detect when your WxW is dragging them into it?

God Bless
Gamma

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Tell your son to bring it on his next visit and burn it wink

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Originally Posted By: Rocketqueen
Tell your son to bring it on his next visit and burn it wink

Good idea.

Trying, remind me, you told your kids, correct?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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No, I did not tell my kids.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
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Originally Posted By: TryingEverything
No, I did not tell my kids.

So what is the reason they THINK their mother and father D?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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TE,

If your Sons do not know what happened they will blame themselves, they do not need dirty details but they do need to understand what OM did to their family.

Is OM around your Sons?

God Bless
Gamma

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I know the position of Marriage Builders on telling the children, and I often struggle with the idea of telling them about the affair. My decision as of now is to not tell them until they are adults.

We often remind them that it is not their fault, to not to blame themselves, and that sometimes adults fall out of love, but that does not mean we don't love them.

OM is supposedly no longer in the picture. He lives in London and is nowhere near my sons.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Aug 2005
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Originally Posted By: Rocketqueen
Tell your son to bring it on his next visit and burn it wink


..and don't forget to take a picture of the burning and share it too smile


ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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