Can you please clarify something:
Are you financially supporting her? Did I read correctly that you are giving her half of your paycheck voluntarily?

Yes, I have been. Legally speaking, we both take the same profit share from our business, of which we aren't the majority owners. She elected to quit working for the business right after we asked for a divorce; the other partners aren't too happy about this arrangement but have accommodated my wishes to not cut her off. If my wishes changed, they would be delighted.

I'm not planning to do it anymore, although she's completely and utterly convinced herself that I'll stop at some point because "you don't really love me unconditionally". After reading Dr Harley's articles above, I've decided that might be true: I won't keep enabling her to destroy herself.

After she asked, not after we asked.

Do you have kids?

We don't have kids. (Is it standard to put "no kids" in your signature?)

We did foster a baby last year which nearly turned into an adoption (it's an "occupational hazard" of fostering). Two different government agencies suddenly disagreed and litigated against one another, with appeals; in the end, the child got adopted elsewhere. Heart-wrenching at the time, but in retrospect I'm glad she's not involved in this disaster. WW claims she would have never divorced me if we'd kept her, but I don't believe a word of it.

I got caught up on your thread;

I strongly encourage you to EXPOSE.
Why? Because it holds her accountable. It is NOT revenge. It is allowing her and OM to face the natural consequences of their actions.
All of OM married friends and family should know that he is a danger to marriages.
To not expose would be to enable.
Can you email exposure letter to all of OM married friends and family on Facebook? also all of your wifes married friends and family

After reading numerous other threads here, I've decided to do that. I'm personally ready to call it quits. But I realised when I married, I said through sickness and in health. I'm not givin' up that easy. And I'm doing OM2 a huge favour by teaching him now, when he's young, how much having affairs with married women will destroy his life.

I could, but I'm a little light on evidence. I would like to spend a week or two firming up solid evidence.

Thanks to everyone here for de-programming me from feeling like I'm betraying her by exposing. It's a lot easier to plan it and to do once I realised it's the right thing to do, especially for her (and for him).

You don't need to have anything solid to expose. I had evidence but was never asked for it. I would have been happy to share if my targets had asked but it wasn't necessary. I think you shouldn't wait any longer. You have the chance to kill this now.

I need a few days to get everything ready (save copies of videos so OM2 can't take them down, for example, redact phone bills, and get a recorded confession from her to the affair). And I need to have the time to execute the exposure.

I think I'll be ready soon, but no sooner than a few days and possibly not until next weekend (a week from now).

What do I do with my WW in the meantime? I don't want to tip my hand. I'd like to start moving out of the stupid set of behaviours I've been in into plan A, but plan A clearly starts with exposure. I need to stop meeting her financial needs, for example. And I'm completely unsure how far to go with meeting emotional needs.

Continue plan a. I"m on my phone so I can't link it for you but you want to meet her needs and show her what a great husband you can be. No lovebusting or angry outbursts. Show her you care

Okay. My to-do list:

- Stop lovebusting behaviours. (Done)

- Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language (Done)

- Exposure (Not done)

- Not going to move out of apartment we used to share (I'd been planning to do so). She is welcome back with open arms if she's willing to comply with the checklist MelodyLane had. Otherwise, she can find her own place, or continue to live with her parents.

- Discuss financial affairs; the current financial support situation needs to stop, but I don't want to tip my hand or cause legal issues with our divorce. I have a legitimate reason for money to be "tight" right now.

- Persuade her to repeat to me, once again, the timing and details of the affair because I need closure.

- Audio record this conversation (legally)

- Save copies of videos I found online of them singing duets of love songs together

- Make redacted phone bill showing timing of their relationship

- Expose to anyone and everyone (including locating OM's family)

The hardest part of this is that I'll have to tell her, "I'm sorry I promised you unconditional love with no hooks. I thought that was the most loving thing to do. I've since learned from an expert on human relationships that I was wrong." (The hooks are the one in MelodyLane's earlier reply that I e-mailed to WW.)

For exposure get the OM Facebook friend list.
You want to send your exposure letter to all his married friends and relatives.

Working on that angle of it. Busy reading Exposure 101 and drafting my letters.

Is it reasonable to run my letters by y'all first?

Have you seen the exposure templates that are here on the site?

Yes please do post your exposure letter for review

Yes, I gathered the templates (and a lot of other useful information) from Exposure 101.

This is not a workplace affair for OM; is there a template for that letter? The texting, Facebook messages, etc. occurred during work time, so I feel it's appropriate to notify OM's workplace.

There is a template for it...I just don't know where it is, just letting you know that there is one and a vet will link you to it shortly or copy+paste an example of one. And they (HR) will be very interested to know that he is using his work time for outside purposes.

Today was productive; I said I wanted complete closure and honesty, and she recounted what's happened with OM1 and OM2 in detail, right down to the timing and types of kisses. WW still maintains denial that she decided marriage was over.

Got permission to record, recorded the whole thing, so I have quite a bit of audio to edit. Gathered background info on OM that should help me locate his parents.

Is an audio "confession" enough of a smoking gun? I also have a few videos of them singing duets of love songs, the phone bills.

It also looks like I have talked my way into permission to access her phone, social media, and other accounts. My opinion is that all traces of texts will, however, have long ago been permanently deleted.

Planning for exposure next weekend.

Other news: Nicole hit me up for a job at our company, via text. I did not reply. (I thought I had her texts blocked.) We have an opening for someone with her talents. Forwarded on the request to my brother and asked him to deal with it.

Please do feel free to tell me what an absolutely horrible idea it would be if she worked for us, though. I need reinforcement! (And the fear of you guys yelling at me if I do something STUPID.)

I also have a gigantic decision to make--I got accepted into a Bible college sort of thing, and the acceptance decision came very late. Class starts tomorrow. I'd really like to go, but it will be a significant time commitment, and there's no way this is something WW can do with me. (They have a screening process for what they call "lifestyle issues". I had to do quite a bit of explaining myself about why I'm in a divorce/separation situation.)

I know that on the one hand I shouldn't put my dreams on hold for someone who's divorcing me anyway, but on the other hand being at class an hours' drive away two times a week for the entire afternoon seems like exactly the behaviour Dr Harley's documented as leading to broken marriages in the first place.

Thanks again to the wonderful people here. I wouldn't be doing any of this without you guys!